The Mental Funny Bone

Episode 61: A Very Special Episode

• Gaster Girls • Season 7 • Episode 1

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Join Christine, Sarah, and Becca as they dive into a uniquely chaotic yet enlightening episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone.' The trio embarks on a recount of The Gaster Girls weekend meditation retreat at the ominous sounding Omega Institute.  The sisters explain to Becca how they navigate everything from the challenges of the silent retreat to humorous mishaps involving cold medicine and tiny cabins. Discover the warm-hearted and often hilarious chronicles of their shared experiences, along with deep musings on mental health, self-compassion, and the universal journey to be better humans. Amid the jokes and jabs lie powerful reflections on vulnerability and the courage to be kind—to others and oneself.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Chris:

Angry. Hello and welcome to the Mental Funny Bone.

Sarah:

Why are you angry?

Chris:

Because your nails are pretty and mine Aren, and I look like toddler.

Sarah:

That is not what we learned this weekend.

Chris:

Yeah, you're right, you're right. I think that comes up later.

Sarah:

Okay, continue. Continue with the intro. Why such a

Becca:

dick? Right. Uh, this is a podcast where we hold each other accountable for not being good people. Oh. Also, and

Chris:

we talk about mental health and think about ways that we can be better, better people, and uh, sort of spread the awareness of, uh, why it's not a bad thing to tell people that, that you're suffering.'cause that way you don't suffer alone.

Sarah:

I like it.

Chris:

There we go. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Christine.

Sarah:

I'm Sarah.

Becca:

And I'm Becca.

Sarah:

Well done ladies. Well done. Well done. Wow. Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Okay. That might be our third best intro yet. So today we are gonna talk to you guys about, it's a very special episode. Of the mental funny bone. Just like back in the day, Becca, we used to have very special episodes of all of our sitcoms. Like a very special episode of The Cosby Show. Oh, sorry. Maybe a bad one to pick.

Becca:

I was gonna be, I didn't wanna say anything, but I was like, Ooh, that's, that's all right. Sorry. A

Chris:

very special episode of Family Ties might be better.

Becca:

Nice. I

Chris:

think, I think in the very special episode of Family Ties, Tom Hanks came to visit and he was an alcoholic and he drank vanilla extract, and I was like, I didn't know you

Becca:

could drink vanilla extract.

Sarah:

Sweet.

Becca:

So thank you. Very special episode. Mom. I wanna do some baking of family ties for showing me how to, how to get a little tipsy. Yeah. The kids are getting high. Real weird. These days,

Sarah:

these special episodes were always like, um, the afterschool specials. There was always something like you learned a lesson. Yeah, they were about drugs. They were about cocaine drinking. Theo had a

Chris:

joint in his math book.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

Cliff and, uh, Dr. Huxtable were very upset about it,

Sarah:

which is really funny now that I think about the Cosby Show context.

Becca:

I don't, I don't know.

Sarah:

Like

Becca:

Theo just passed away not too long ago. Very sad. He did. Yeah. The ocean killed

Sarah:

him.

Becca:

It is a wild thing.

Chris:

Um,

Sarah:

it is.

Chris:

So our very special episode is about meditation, and I don't know, Becca, if you've seen the movie, you might, because I know your dad, you might've seen Earnest Ghost to camp. There was a whole

Becca:

series of movies in the late eighties Yes. About Ernest. And Ernest looked a little bit like Mike Rowe to me, Mike who from Dirty Jobs.

Sarah:

I don't look

Becca:

at. Okay. That's so funny. That's such a good comparison.

Sarah:

Hold on. Mike Rowe. Like that's what his name is. Like he's Mike. Like he's small.

Becca:

Yeah, but he's not, I thought,

Sarah:

I thought you were gonna say like a rapper.'cause that seemed like a rapper's name.

Becca:

No, I'm

Sarah:

just Mike Rowe.

Becca:

Like, it's like, oh, there she goes. It's like a Mike Hunt. They're two separate names. Oh, okay. Because you don't wanna,

Sarah:

no.

Becca:

Wanna just mix it together?

Sarah:

Nope. Guess who just woke up?

Becca:

Is it macho? Can he come over and give us some words of wisdom? Gimme a macho. Gimme a bishop. Scooby and I were cuddling this morning. You can see a little bit on my black sweatshirt. The dog for Oh.

Sarah:

Which means I'm probably going to have to let you two converse for a little while. I'll set the scene because he's been asleep for 12 hours and his bladder is like this. Like he has a tiny little baby bladder just like mine. Mm-hmm. Kind of like mine. So, uh, yeah, if you guys wanna go ahead. I don't wanna miss the asshole puckering though. Like, I feel like that was, I feel like that was me. Like I was really like that was the one thing this weekend I was really a part of. I was really present for that part.

Becca:

Bryce, the only thing you were really in your, in your cough syrup. A haze. Yes. Okay. So I will let you guys ways to get high.

Sarah:

You guys Okay. Talk amongst yourselves. We'll carry on,

Chris:

right? You've got this great, so our very special episode of The Mental Funny Bone is about us going to a meditation camp. Much like Earnest went to camp. If anyone has seen movies about what it looks like at summer camp, that is where, uh, Sarah and I spent the weekend at the Omega Institute in upstate New York. And Becca, I don't, I don't know if you know where upstate New York is, but I had to Google it'cause I was like, wait a minute. How can this be upstate New York? When it is directly east of where I live? Like it isn't up. Yeah, it isn't. It's just over it. It's up a little, but not as much as you would think.

Becca:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

It turns out upstate New York is everything that isn't New York City.

Becca:

Mm.

Chris:

I see. I was like,

Becca:

so is that like Buffalo, New York?

Chris:

Right. It was like, uh, contains areas like the Hudson Valley and something else, and cities like Syracuse and Albany and Buffalo. I was like, but Buffalo, Buffalo is all the way on this side. Albany is like not, it's just like, yeah. They're like, it's everything that is in New York City. I was like, that kid, like New York City's like a tiny little bit and they're like, yeah, everything else is just upstate. It's a separate country where, uh, where people pick apples and you know, there have farms with eggs. Is everything that happens in upstate New York, not New York City. So there you go. There's my geography lesson today. It's so, it's like sad that Sarah isn't here for that part because she clearly enjoys a good geography lesson more than anybody. Alright, so I will, I will Geography lesson

Becca:

outside taking macho out.

Chris:

Yeah, she's, she's thinking about upstate New York. She's thinking about which parts of the EU we were at this weekend. So, uh, I, I'm all excited. I get up on Friday, I do a little bit of work set, uh, like set my out of office, get my laptop already so I can work in the car and um, I text Sarah'cause she told me to be there at nine o'clock'cause we were gonna leave around 10 30, which makes sense because if I aim to be somewhere at nine o'clock, I'm probably gonna show up like 9 45. So good on her part. So I text her and I'm like, I'm leaving and I'm on time'cause it's leaving at like eight o'clock.'cause sometimes I can get my shit together. Nice. I know, I know. I was very, very proud of myself. Everything was all packed. Had my pillow, my sheets, my blankets, my towels, my soap. Like everything I would need to retreat away from society and learn how to sit still and packed it all in my suitcase. I felt like I did a really good job. And then I kept like throwing things in the car, like, I should take a coat, I should take a hat, I should take this other bag. I should take my crocheting. So I had everything all neatly packed and then, and then 86 items just randomly in the car. Kind of like my brain at any given point in time.

Becca:

Yeah.

Chris:

So I text Sarah and she texts me back and she says, Hey, um, I feel like shit. And I was like, excellent. I'll see you in an hour.'cause I'm not, I'm not having it. Not having it. I could tell you're trying to get out of it. I could tell. You are, you are saying that you don't wanna go, and that is too fucking bad. We're going, we're going. It turns out she really wasn't trying to get out of it and she was actually sick. So she had taken a COVID test, Becca, like, just imagine going to this fucking Omega Institute in, in upstate New York by yourself to hang out with. What I, at this point before we had gotten there, could only imagine were the most heavy duty hippie dippy, crunchy ass meditators on the planet like. If she would've been like, I'm not going. I, because I would've gone, it was a, an investment and I would've had to drive eight hours by myself singing, singing nineties. I think that's the thing that

Sarah:

made the biggest difference. I was like, she's, if it weren't for me, she'd be flying. I can't possibly make her drive eight hours by herself. I fair. Very fair.

Chris:

I was like, if I get there and you're on death's door, I'm still gonna put you in the car. You can die in New York. It's fine. Yeah. And I was willing to, you're not contagious. Turns out like she almost did. So like Hamilton, I think.

Becca:

Right?

Chris:

Didn't he die New York? I love that. New Jersey Hoboken. No, we hawken. I mean, I saw the music night. One of, one of those kids. Nine times.

Becca:

We hawken dawn. Yes. That's what I was trying to think about. I was trying to go back. Nice, nice. So I

Sarah:

think that there should be a musical about me then going to the meditation retreat.

Becca:

Oh, don't gimme that. I'll write it in two seconds. I'll write it in two. You're gonna have

Sarah:

some, you're gonna have some great, uh, I don't know, substance. I don't in my head material. So foggy. Yeah, keep going. Keep going.

Becca:

Anyways, I'm excited to hear about the assholes. So, right, right. It was a

Chris:

long drive. There was foliage. Um, we're gonna have to go pretty quick'cause lots of stuff happened. We, we made a lot of jokes and in Indiana, Pennsylvania, I had to pee and uh, Sarah was like, we have,

Becca:

we have to stop and get cold medicine.

Chris:

Like sounding like so sad, empathetic. Just say it now.'cause I think you sound almost the same as you did then we have to stop and get cold medicine. Please See, she sounds a little bit more, um, baritone, like Phoebe on friends when she has the cold. It's nice you have a really good radio voice. I can

Sarah:

sing now. Smelly cat. Smelly cat

Becca:

and I, no, that's not

Sarah:

the same. No. No. Okay.

Becca:

All right. Copyright. Copyright. We can't afford it. We can't afford it. Oh, sorry. Sorry. My bad, my bad.

Chris:

That was my own song. Dolly Parton. So we're pulling up to Walmart and then I was, I started thinking about how I was gonna have to pee in the Walmart bathroom, and, I don't know, Becca, if you've ever peed in a Walmart bathroom, it is not that great. Not great. It's always, it's always kind of dirty. There's always little bits of toilet paper everywhere. I don't know why. So we, we opted to go to sheets instead, so we got some MTOs made to order foods.

Becca:

Yeah,

Chris:

they were all potato based.

Becca:

Delicious. Delicious. The right choice. Mm-hmm. All

Chris:

potato base. And I didn't realize that the sour cream that you get at sheets is essentially shots of very thick milk. Yeah. Like it isn't.

Sarah:

They water it down and it's, it's very consistent through every sheet. Like I have eaten the potato or they're called mini hash browns there. I still call them potato pancakes. I have eaten them at every sheets in, I don't know, Western Pennsylvania. And all of the sour cream is the same consistency, which is watered down sour cream.

Chris:

You're gonna get it on your shirt.

Sarah:

Yeah. That gets drippy consistency. It's drippy. You have to hold the sour cream cup right here. Dip and insert.

Chris:

Or like I took a different tactic, like I would dip and then turn over the item immediately so it would just run down. Like you just have to be careful not to get too much so it doesn't get on your hands anyway. So we sat in the car and we ate our potato base to treats from sheets. And, uh, then we went over to, to the Walmart and we bought every candy that we walked past, and it's Halloween. So we had, we had rope candy, we had sour candy. We didn't have any chocolate candy because I tried to be the voice of reason. And we still ended up with a bag of candy,$50, 50 death of candy.

Becca:

Oh my God. Mm-hmm. Right. And well, it seemed great. It was a long drive.

Sarah:

We were traveling, and when you travel, you have to have candy, apparently. Candy.

Chris:

We didn't have any combos though. And I think that's what, that's what made the last hour so hard for me is there were no salty snacks to go. We did have beef jerky that smelled like, uh, cats for some reason cat piss. I was like, I know beef jerky stinks, but not like this. Yuck. Not like this. So there we are. We got Sarah's cold medicine. I talked her out of buying four different types of Kleenex. I was like super

Sarah:

excited about the Kleenex.

Chris:

Becca, they have Kleenex now that it's in like a, it's in like a Pringles can and you can, you can put it in the car, in the cup holder and you can just pop out a, it's out size from the,

Sarah:

which I thought was fucking brilliant.

Chris:

That made her's really

Becca:

nice actually. Her

Chris:

make a decision between the normal pocket size ones that you give a toddler to take to class. Those, the rectangle ones and the Pringles popup Kleenexes. And she was like, I want both. Can't,

Becca:

can't have both. That's silly. We have to show some impulse control. Essentially.

Sarah:

It was me as a toddler in Walmart running around. Right. No, that's enough candy. That's enough candy. Swatting my hand against. Put it down. Put it down. Stop it. Stop it.

Becca:

You can only pick one. Those are not cough drops. Stop acting

Sarah:

like

Becca:

an asshole. Luton's, wild cherry. Those are not cough drops.

Sarah:

Oh yes,

Becca:

they

Sarah:

are. They helped. They got me through the weekend

Chris:

Anyway, so then we carry on and from that point from Indiana is like, I don't know, another 26 hours, 200 driving at least. Like I kept looking at the GPS, like to see how long we had left to go at what I thought was appropriate intervals, but it was really like every 45 minutes I'm like, well, we have to be almost there now. No,

Sarah:

my favorite part was like, it takes a second when you put the map back up, like from the music, you go to the map and when you put the map back up, it takes a second for everything to like update. So every time we put the map back up, it would be the same amount of time left as we did check the time before and we would both shit our pants. Um, and then at one point I was like, does this tell me when to turn? Because I haven't been paying attention to it. Like. I had no clue if I had missed 17 turns or not. That was actually on the way home. But, uh,

Becca:

nice. We are in New Jersey. Did we miss a turn? Mm. It feels like we should be further into New York. Right?

Sarah:

Um, that I feel like when you are resigned to the fact that you're driving places, like you don't give yourself the option to fly, uh, it helps you with the time of it and not be so bothered by it.'cause I feel like, yeah, not you, Christine, because you would much prefer to fly. So this is something that is in your brain like, fuck, if I would've flown, I would've been there. If I would've flown, I would've been there. Me, I just, I've taken that out of my brain and I find that that has helped quite a bit. Like all of my travels recently in Montreal, New York. I haven't really been bothered by the, the time of the driving, just saying, um, I

Becca:

prefer to drive'cause I'm terrified of heights and flying. I've never been on an airplane. I, I wait. Wait, what? You never, I'm okay with that for, you've never been on an airplane Decca, huh?

Sarah:

I'm okay with that. For you like, no, like thank you. Most people would be like, you have to get on the airplane. You have to face your, you have to do this. And I'm like, eh.

Becca:

This airplane propaganda. I like the drive. I feel like I earned it. Cool. Yeah. I feel like I earned the trip, but No, but I'm also just terrified of planes. Like What do you mean you're paying so much money to go so high in the air and I can't do anything in a

Sarah:

super, super heavy, heavy thing. And I have no control. You're making it worse. You're

Becca:

making with people that I know, nor that I probably like

Sarah:

who have so many germs.

Becca:

Yes.

Sarah:

Yeah. Hmm.

Becca:

I'm

Chris:

on the airplane all the time. Yeah. Yep. You like me. I like you. That's for sure. And you would like me even more'cause you would sit down next to me and I would look up and be like, and that would be. Be the extent of our interaction. And I would like you'cause you would do this day and be like, great. I like her hair.

Sarah:

I don't even know why you look up. Like I don't, well, I mean, I'm passed out when I'm on the plane, so it's not like

Becca:

we don't want you to look up.'cause you're gonna tell old ladies how much you like their gray hair. Yeah. Hey, your old lady gray hair looks real good on you. Why is she carrying that bag? Ugh.

Chris:

Are they all going the same place? We're going, Sarah, on Xanax, on a plane. That's my impression. Thank you. I'm here all week. All right. So yeah, I decided, uh, that it was about an hour too long of the drive. By the time we got in to New York, I hated the feeling of my own skin. Like my feet hurt. I couldn't get comfortable anymore. One of my hips was out of place. I feel like

Sarah:

I should call out that you did a great job. Like, unless I was just not remembering. No, because I, I didn't wanna

Chris:

make you feel bad.

Sarah:

I don't remember you bitching about any of this. So, I mean, kudos to you.

Chris:

I didn't wanna make you feel bad. You already had a cold. Cool. Thank you. And I committed to it, so I'm in it. I appreciate it. Like I'm trying to sit on one hip versus the other hip. And then I started to think about how much sitting I would have to do when I got there. I'm like, fuck. Ow. Ow. Um, yeah. The last 20 minutes, like at one point we got off the major highway and we were on this little New York highway.

Sarah:

We get onto this little highway and Christine starts screaming about like not selling the house. Like, she's like, I will not sell the house. I will not sell the house. And I'm like, what the f Like are you having? Like you have a stroke? Yeah. What is happening? And I realized that she was pointing to the middle of the highway and there was one old ass house right in the middle of the highway.

Becca:

Like this guy was like, uh, no, yeah, no, I will not let you take my home. Like that little guy in up,

Sarah:

she was so excited about it that it was like I didn't have enough time to see what was going on. And I was very nervous that there was stroke happening and. Where's the nearest hospital? Jesus. Um,

Chris:

and then, and then we got off. Then we, that road, we got off that road and, uh, it, it was, it was, it was roads that were about, uh, big enough for one horse cart.

Becca:

Nice.

Chris:

Yeah. And there was, there was farms for some reason. There were people walking on the road

Sarah:

walking. Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Like children of the corn, I don't know. And I'm like the Omega Institute. I'm like, we are never coming home from here. We're in a cult. We're in a cult. They're gonna take all my money. I'm gonna have to call David and have him wire what's left of my life savings after paying for this. And I mean, it's, this is where we're, this is where we live. I hope you like it. Sarah

Sarah:

Noah said,

Chris:

sister Sarah

Sarah:

Noah said, where the fuck were you? Like, were you at literally like a commune? Like did they give you Kool-Aid when you got there? No, no, there was no

Becca:

Kool-Aid. No, no. Too many artificial colors.

Sarah:

And I about that would not be Kool-Aid. I was like, yeah. When my sister came to pick me up, we were like, fuck, we're never coming home. We're joining a cult. But I told him, I was like, yeah, it's kind of what it was like. There were little cabins, there was little dorms.

Chris:

It was very sweet, very equitable. Everyone had the same shitty cabin. Yeah. Yeah. Some people had slightly uh, slightly less shitty cabins, but I can't imagine they were luxurious.

Sarah:

No.

Chris:

So we get there and uh, the first thing that happens is Sarah's driven eight hours and she's on a lot of cold medicine. So we pull in and there's a guy just standing there and Sarah's like, hello? And she stares at him for

Sarah:

like, because he was like, when you pull in somewhere and there was a guy standing there, I expect him to tell me what to do. Right? This had nothing to do with cold medicine. This had to do with just normal functioning. Like there is a guy at the parking lot and he's standing there talking to everybody that's coming in. I would expect that I roll down the window and I say hi. And he says, hi, are you here for the retreat? And I say, yes, I'm, and he says, okay, pull down there to the tent. Do X, Y and Z, da da. Enjoy your stay. And I said, hi. And he said, hi. Okay. Do you, what do we do? Do you have a gummy that you want to give me?'cause it seems as though you've had a few.

Becca:

What? Yeah, everyone very chill. Very chill. Where am I going, dude? And Sarah forgot why we were there. She's like, I'm here for the meditation something. I'm here to meditate,

Sarah:

motherfucker. I don't know.

Becca:

And he was like, right, right, right. Welcome,

Sarah:

right,

Chris:

welcome, welcome. I was like, fuck. It is a cult shit. Yes, I am. Oh God. We're never getting out.

Sarah:

For anyone who's watched lost, like I felt like it was that, like that community, I'm not sure if anybody, but if you've watched Lost, like when there's the actual community there, that's kind of what I felt It was like Exactly. It, it, which it, which was the Dharma Initiative, wasn't it? For Lost. Nobody's watched. Lost. Okay. It, it was definitely the Dharma initiative on Lost. Oh yeah. Well now that I'm thinking about it

Chris:

fits right in with our Buddhist weekend, so

Sarah:

it makes sense.

Chris:

So we, we pull up and some nice crunchy granola kids took our bags. They're like, yeah, we pull up and again, like they're looking at us like we should know what to do. And I, I get outta the car and I'm like, hello? He was like, hello. Okay. Um, you guys are gonna have to help me out here. Like, do, what do you, what do you need? Like, do I register? Are you gonna gimme a key? Like, what's up? I don't know where I go. I can see the compound over here. Help. Mm-hmm. He's like, oh, just take your bags and put'em here. This is just for unloading, so go ahead, unload all your stuff. So we do that and I take the two bags that I've organized, then forgetting that I have a code, a hat, everything else that I brought just like tossed in the backseat, a purse. Like I have a whole bunch of shit still in my car. Um, and uh, and then he is like, and then go and park and he's like, if one of you wants to stay, then we can deal with all your luggage and then one of you can go park the car. And I was like, don't leave me. And so I was like, all right, I'll be right back. Right. So she left me with the guys who are obviously going to brainwash me. Uhhuh. Right.

Sarah:

See ya. Peace. I do need to interject'cause, um, we're at 25 minutes and we're, we haven't even gotten there yet, so we're gonna have to,

Becca:

we gotta pick it out.

Sarah:

Figure it out. But we did miss the, the puckering of the asshole.

Chris:

We did. My God. How did, how did I forget? Yeah. Um, yeah, so when we turned off onto the back roads, the back, back roads, we started talking. I was like, I really, if I had to do this drive by myself, like if you would've been sick and not able, I, I would've gotten to this point. And I think maybe I would've, I would've punked out. I would've, I would've turned back. I would've been like, I can't, I can't go to the cult by myself. Somebody has to be in the cult with me. So, and then Sarah talked about the, the asshole. The quote that I have here is, the asshole of excitement has puckered

Sarah:

shut. Yes, because I was, I was excited. And then we got to this point and I was like, Ooh, I don't think I wanna do this anymore. And my excitement had dissipated. And my mind, I felt I needed to describe that as though the asshole of the excitement just went and was gone. Right. So you So the asshole of excitement just puckered up and was all done.

Chris:

That's how, that's how we arrived with assholes of excitement, puckered, like we're mm-hmm. Uh, like at this point, not excited anymore. So we get there, uh, they take the bags, we park the car, we have to go inside and register. We have to fill out a form. I'm like, but my contact person is you usually, and you're here with me in case of emergency. That's who they're gonna call to get the money from when they kidnap me. Cool. I've never felt more out of place than when I was standing in line. And I don't know about you, Sarah, but I was like, everyone here knows exactly what's going on and they've done it all before and everyone is like, so chill and so cool. And I am actively afraid, not of really getting kidnapped, but just of being around like a whole bunch of like people that maybe I don't normally like identify with too. Like these are not like, put me at a conference in the same situation. I'm like, Hey, how you doing? How's it going? Like, I'm fine. Put me in a situation where I'm trying to do something that would, that would actually like Ben, benefit my inner person. And I'm like, I hate everybody. And what I wrote down here is, I don't know, I, I wrote it somewhere is, I don't know why. My first reaction in those situations is to make fun of everybody else, to like, my first reaction is to be like these assholes. They know I'm different and I'm make it makes, makes you feel better. I'm gonna make fun of them before they have a chance to notice I'm a weirdo. There you go. So well breeze through dinner. We go to, there's a cafeteria. Well, first we go to our cabin and Sarah goes, fuck you, I think is what she said.

Sarah:

She said, yeah, I, I actually think that's exactly what I said when we opened the door. Fuck you. Because it wasn't a cabin. I mean it was a cabin. It looked as though it was a nice two bedroom cabin from the outside. And we walk in and there it is. There's eight. Eight rooms. Eight rooms. Eight. Eight of them eight rooms and um, two shitters and two showers. That's it. And it took us a while to realize that there were actually showers.'cause the outside of the showers looked like just bathroom shitter stalls. And we looked at each other, we're like, where are the showers? And I believe that's when I was like, fuck off. Fuck you.

Chris:

Right, Becca. This is what it looks like. You walk in the front door and imagine a long hallway, like a long-ish hallway. Mm-hmm. Each of the rooms is about eight by 10. Not even, not even like in each room is a twin bed, a folding chair, like a fire hall, folding chair, padded, and a nightstand. And that is it. And one outlet. One outlet, one, one outlet. And it is blazing hot.

Becca:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Like sauna. Oh, sauna. Like, and there's four of those rooms on each side. And then at the end there's a wall, and then there's two potties. And it is the darkest place in the whole, like there's one tiny window on each side. Like you go, you go to the end of the hall and you go like this. Spooky Doy, right? I'm peeing in the dark. I'm, I'm not sure what the showers look like.'cause I felt like it was real dark in there too. There's no place to set my clothes, so I'm afraid I'm gonna drop my underwear and someone is gonna pick them up. Like, there's a whole lot of thoughts happening. And Sarah looks at me and she's like, fuck you. And I was like, yeah, alright. Um, that's fair. This is not quite what I expected, but it's fine. It's fine. It's two nights. Shut up. So we, and then we, then we have to walk and we're walking and it is full. You've been to Bethany, right? Becca? Mm-hmm. You know that big? He that, yes. That We complain about why it was like that. Like we had to walk up a mountain to get to where we lived and we were, we were literally like

Sarah:

at the highest point of the place,

Chris:

the furthest point away from everywhere we needed to be was where our little cabin was. Mm-hmm. And the whole time she's looking at me like, I hate you. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I don't wanna walk either. But here we are. So, and, and then we have to walk back down to the cafeteria and stand in line to eat. And they're, they tell you like, this is a, this is a like vegetarian friendly, sustainable food. And I'm like, it's just gonna be a bunch of kale and beets and fucking goat cheese.

Sarah:

I was so excited about beets and goat cheese though, man. Very little. That's just another Noah statement. Yeah. What are you gonna eat? And I was like, well, it's like farm to table. There was lots of vegetables. And he was like, did you eat beets? I was like, oh, I ate the fuck out of the beets. I was so excited. Have many fresh beets,

Chris:

so many like, just lots of beets.

Sarah:

But I thought it was really funny how Noah immediately was like, you ate the beets, didn't you? I love the beets. Anyway, go ahead.

Chris:

So we, we eat dinner and we meet. There's, there's not enough tables for everyone to sit by themselves, like forcing you to socialize, so hate it. So, you know, we, we meet a couple of people. Everyone's nice. I mean, that's the thing is everyone is there and they're all in the same, like, that's the thing that my brain doesn't process accurately, is that everyone is in the same situation, Uhhuh and everyone doesn't wanna be there by themselves. And everyone wants to make a friend and have a conversation and, and enjoy their dinner while they're talking to somebody. Like, nobody wants to sit there with their head down, like, well, I mean, I do, but, but everyone no you don't, is going.

Sarah:

You got mad when we sat with the the one. Oh,

Chris:

I did. I the two people who

Sarah:

did not talk to us. Meanwhile, why didn't they wanna talk to me? You were mad. I was like, this is awesome. I could just eat my food. Why don't they

Chris:

wanna talk to me? I wanna hear about their wedding and I wanna hear about why they can't host Hanukkah. I wanna know, like, I wanna include it on their gossip.

Sarah:

Meanwhile, I

Chris:

didn't even know that they said it. I have no clue what you're talking about. Right? A lot better than yours. My ears are a lot better. And uh, then we still have a whole hour before we're supposed to do our first meditation session. We are first like gathering, um, and there's no tv. And so we go back up to this cabin and we're sitting in one room just staring at each other for like, just imagine it. It wasn't that long, but it, it was perfect. It was perfect. She

Sarah:

was crocheting while I was laying, I on the bed going, uh uh, I'm going to die here. Keep going though. I have to go make another cup of coffee.

Chris:

Yeah, I'll tell Becca about the initial part of session one and like the, the good parts. Um, alright, so session one happens and, and we get there and we're, we're early because uh, you know, there's nothing else to do.

Becca:

Yeah.

Chris:

So, so we pop in and I'm like, oh my God, there's 350 chairs in here. Where do we sit? Like what do we do? What do we do? What do we do? Like my whole theme the whole weekend was what do we do? What do we do? What do we do? How do I look normal? How do I blend in? How do I blend in, uh, in this weird environment? And eventually I'm like, I don't give a shit anymore. Um, it takes me a while to get there. So we go in, we find some seats, I'm like, are these seats good? I don't know. I don't wanna sit too close up front'cause I don't wanna look like overeager and I don't wanna sit too far in the back because I won't be able to see or hear'cause I'm a tiny, I'm a little, uh, girl. Always a struggle. Um. So, uh, there, there we are. We, we sit down, we grab our seats and people fill in and it's packed, literally 355 people here to see my boy Dan Harris. Um, I guess I could have said why we were going on this meditation retreat a little earlier in the podcast instead of 35 minutes into it.

Becca:

Sorry. It's alright.

Chris:

Hey, boners. So if you'll remember, we read a book called 10% Happier, uh, by Dan Harris. And he is a skeptic who, uh, got pretty hard into meditation and then kind of adopted it as his life's work. He was a anchor on going boarding America weekend edition and he had a panic attack on live TV and then found therapy and meditation and it really changed his life. And Sarah and I really enjoyed his book and that is sort of how we got our way into thinking that meditation was a good way for us to deal with not only our own mental illness, but to kind of encourage us to be better people. So Dan Harris is there and he has two people within. And Jeff Warren, I think is one, and Sen a, I can't even remember Sen a's last name, but I will, I will find it and I will this time put links to all of their books in the, in the show notes. So they come out on stage, they, um, at. This point in my 52-year-old life, I am fangirling. I'm like, oh my God. It's Dan Harris. My God. Oh my God. I love Dan Harris. Oh my God. It's Dan Harris. It's Dan Harris. What's seven a's last name, sir? Huh? It starts with an S I'll put up the links to all of their books. No, that's a wine. That's a great, I'm

Sarah:

mad that I don't know her last name off the top of my head.'cause I really liked her.

Chris:

Yeah, she was, she was a, I really like

Sarah:

her. Yeah.

Chris:

Jeff Warren. Was it Jeff Warren? Mm-hmm. Because I just sounds like a comedian. But, uh, he wrote a book called, uh, meditation for Fidgety Skeptics. Yeah. Right. I have tiny, tiny claps for that. Sarah has the book and I really want it. I almost bought it this weekend, but I also have 7,000 books I haven't read yet.

Becca:

Yeah. Um, I also Me too. Me Too.

Sarah:

Developing. These were delivered while I was gone this weekend. Skeptics. And then this one, how emotions are Made. The secret life of the brain. These are on top of the 1,705 up there still that I have to read on top of the self-compassion one that we're reading. So yeah.

Chris:

Right. So these guys get on stage and, and now like, now I'm nervous. I'm like, what's it gonna be like, what are they gonna do? What's gonna happen? And then, and then the first thing we do is meditate. Now it's cra I was like, wow, we're gonna meditate right? Where I know I'm all a Twitter, so now we're meditating. And they're like, get into a comfortable position that you usually get into while you meditate. And I was like, I, I, I don't, I don't, I don't what and it, right. And I couldn't because, uh, I was so twitchy and excited. There's no way I'm gonna be able to meditate. So I just sit there and pretend. It's like me playing the flute when

Sarah:

I was in fourth grade,

Becca:

right. I'm like. Okay, uh, close your eyes. And the minute I close my eyes, my eyes go.

Chris:

I'm like, okay, open your eyes. Open your eyes. Fuck. It's wild. Wild. And so we do that, and then they talk a little bit and they talk about the weekend and what it's gonna be like. And then they're like, okay, why don't you share your intention for the weekend with your neighbors? And I was like, first off, I don't, this is the part I don't like. Like, I don't like making an intention and I don't like talking to other people. Like, I don't, I mean, I didn't then I didn't want to then like, Sarah's making a face. Like I do like to talk to other people.

Sarah:

I will reference back to how mad you got at the people in the cafeteria that did not want to talk to you.

Becca:

I wanted to know what was going on in their family.

Chris:

I'm just, I have an innate sense, sense of, uh, curiosity. That's all

Becca:

what is broken inside me that makes making fun of everyone. My place of comfort is what I wrote in my notes.

Sarah:

I don't. You're not, bro, it's not broken. It's just being human.

Chris:

Thank you, Sarah. It

Sarah:

makes you feel better.

Chris:

The Jeff Guy, Jeff Warren and Dan Harris start off by saying funny things and then seven A is their straight man. So she's like, I would like to bring us all back to why we're here and I would like to question the karma that led me to being the straight man for, as a black or as a, as a woman of color in this space, what has led me, what kind of karma led me to being the straight man for these two straight white men and hilarious. And that was like the theme of the whole weekend. Like they say, Jeff Warren has a obvious A DHD and probably some other neurotypical things going on, and he, he's bipolar. He's like bouncy all over the place. And then Dan Harris is a, a journalist who's very serious in some ways. Like, like you could tell that he's not fucking around. Like that's the he'll, he will make jokes, but he is here for a purpose and a reason and like, let's get to it. So the three of them were absolutely perfect together. I got so much out of it. Like that first night, I'm like, okay, I don't know. There's a fast way and there's a slow way. And they're talking about dharma and Buddhist tradition and I don't know any of that. I know. Focus on your breathing. That's what I know. So I come out of that and I'm like, wow. That was, that was um, that was fun. And then as we're wrapping up, um, seven, eight invites us to enter into silence and I was like, wait, what? Hold up. Um, that was not the idea of this retreat. This is a meditation party. What, and as soon as she said that, I had 5,000 things to say to Sarah. 5,000. 5,000.

Becca:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Um, and, but there's no rules about it. Like, can I text her? Um, all I wanna do is talk to my sister as soon as they say, enter into silence. Um, and they're like, okay, we're gonna go, we're gonna have silent breakfast. And then when we have session tomorrow, um, at some point during that, we can, we can come out of our silence. And I was like, oh, what? Yeah. And immediately I'm like, I can't. I can't, I can't. I can't. I can't. I won't, I won't. I don't even know what time we're waking up tomorrow. We have to talk to each other. Anyway, so that was thought, but also good. I mean, I could see the appeal of a silent meditation retreat, like just that little like snippet of it is I want to do one. Wild. Like you do kind of get into your own head. Like if there's nobody to talk to, then the only person you have to talk to is your brain voice. And that is funky. I was bad at it. And immediately, as soon as we were away from people that could hear us, I was like, and again, I went immediately into making fun of somebody's sweater. Nice. There was a guy wearing a rug. He was wearing a full ass rug. Mm-hmm. And God bless him for being comfortable in that. And you do you bro. But I, the minute I was like, all right, I'm being quiet now. He walked through our field of vision and I was like, he's

Becca:

wearing a carpet.

Chris:

So sorry to that dude. Namaste. So then, uh, we eat breakfast and uh, we picked the worst seats in the house where everyone had to boop, everyone's ass was right next to my head, like the whole time fun stuff.

Sarah:

But it was great'cause there was only two of us at the table, right. Trade off.

Chris:

I mean, we couldn't talk anyway. We just would've had to nod. At others. Oh, I should also say that the, at the Omega Institute, there were also other things happening. Like there was a yoga retreat and a meditation retreat at the same time. The yoga retreat was much smaller.

Sarah:

It was also a planetarium retreat or planetarium? P planetarium. Oh, wow. P planetarium.

Chris:

It was either plant, it was either a plant or a space.

Sarah:

One of those I kept saying planetarium, so I'm just going with that. I'm pretty sure that's wrong. It began with a pl having

Becca:

trouble picturing a bunch of hardcore astronomy scientists at this place. I don't know. Hi. Um, while you're looking at the stars in the cosmos, can we align your chakras? Maybe it was pulmonary. I

Chris:

don't know. There it was. Lungs,

Becca:

yeah, whatever.

Chris:

People who really like lungs. Uh, so we get, we, we get done with breakfast and we get back into session and, uh, did Jeff, uh, Jeff is gonna lead us. Um, I. At this point, the second day, I haven't talked to anyone. I'm able to settle down, right? So we do the, we do the meditation, and I am in it, like, I am so good at meditation, I'm into my relaxation pyramid. They gimme a little background about, here's like a, imagine a triangle and at the bottom you're relaxing and then you're, you're building a stable base to, to try to gain clarity at the top of the pyramid. I'm like, oh, I can work with that. Those are like rules. Got it. Thank you Jeff Warren for giving my brain something to hang on to Slope. And then we're, we're back into Buddha. We're talking about Dharma and Buddha makes lists about things and there's five, uh, bad things that are anyway, and then I get lost. I'm like, I don't know what I'm, what I'm doing. What's, what are we doing? Why am I meditating? So the whole first session, I feel like I'm doing all right, like I'm doing all right. I got my meditation down. Sarah leaves to go to the bathroom, and they were like, okay, well talk to your neighbors. Um, about that wasn't until the afternoon. No, you're right. You're right. Right. Uh, a couple of fun things that happened. There was a guy named John and he stood up to ask a question and he said, Hey, I'm John and I have a closed heart and I have these questions. And I didn't hear anything after John with a closed heart. Like, I don't know what he asked. Um, but he, he popped up, he said he sat in front of us in the afternoon and we'll, we'll get back to him. There's a guy there who also hates guided meditation, which is funny'cause it's really all you do at a retreat. So Scott was his name, Scott, he is like, hi, I am Scott and every time you talk it distracts me. And they were like, well explore that.

Sarah:

Maybe go outside. I actually think that he started with, I'm Scott. And I'm, I'm different in the fact that I judge people or something like that. It was actually very funny. Um, n ru just like, yeah. All right. Anyway, go ahead.

Chris:

Hilarious. And there were, there were a series of ladies who were super, like, I'm a fan. Um, Sarah's a fan. These ladies took it to like a different level. They were like trippy birds up front and around. And they were always upfront, like at the beginning they were like, Hey, I know you guys upfront are excited. Maybe you just like cycle into the back and let some other people come up front for the next session. And they were like, yeah, um, suck my dick, is what they said to the lady who was like, maybe you let other people experience that, but it's always the same, like three or four ladies up front. Bless them. Namaste. Love that for them. I love that for them. Namaste. There were people, like, there were cushions all around, right? It's like a meditation retreat. So people were like pulling these cushions off and like laying them down on the floor. There's also 350 folding chairs. So things are getting a little tight over there on the sides. Um, in, uh, you know, we just go through a bunch of meditations and they're telling you different ways to do it. Like you can do it standing up. Uh, you can do it walking, you can do it with your eyes open. Um, and I wrote down what kind of psychopath keeps their eyes open during this? Like, who, what, how. But you know, their idea is we're gonna show you a bunch of different things. You're gonna find the one that works for you. And, uh, Sally forth from there. And really like their big lesson this whole week was, it doesn't matter. Like I ask people a hundred times, I think, especially after the afternoon session, why am I so bad at meditation? I'm bad at meditation. And they're like, you can't possibly be. And I was like, but, and I think it comes from my need for rules and to be good. Do you know what I mean? Like. Good. I comes from the same thing

Sarah:

that we do, that we want to let everybody know that we're bad at something before they let us know that we're bad at something. So I'm not sure if you expected someone to like critique you, right. And you wanted them to know that you thought you were bad before they could tell you you were bad probably. But when it comes to meditation, nobody can, can critique you and there's really no bad way of doing it because you're doing it, which is the beginning of it. Regardless, there is some sort of awareness happening and that's what it's all about,

Chris:

right? So I had to lunch and I had to like the afternoon break with this like really good feeling. I'm like, excellent, I'm, I'm here, I'm doing the thing. I'm not anxious or, or really nervous anymore. I'm just one of like, everyone here is kind of struggling to do the same thing. Even the fan girl chirpy birds up front are just here to, you know, kind of get their meditation on and try to be better people. I also wrote down the privilege in this room is overwhelming. There are so

Becca:

many, so many expensive water bottles and so many expensive pairs of yoga pants.

Sarah:

Like I was super mad at myself.'cause I thought yesterday of what I really should have written down on one of those little note cards. And I'm really, really mad that I didn't do it. Um, I should have written down, Hey, while we have all these people in here, why don't we like collect some money for the people who are about to lose all their benefits and not be able to feed their kids?

Chris:

Yeah. Yeah. Something, something. Yeah. Fucking

Sarah:

hate myself for not doing that.

Chris:

Something along those lines. Don't hate yourself. I thought we talked about this for eight hours on the way home.

Sarah:

I know, but still I kind of am mad at myself about not like, that was a huge opportunity. Well, for, for someone like you think someone would've thought of it.

Chris:

Right. Instead we were all like, help me. Help me. My soul is sad. And I mean, I think that's the other thing that you can take away from that. That there's all, like, these people have every resource available. And by these people, I mean us have every resource available to them that money can buy. Like the only reason you're at this shit is because you have enough money to be like, Hey, I have I, I want someone to fix me and here's some money. And to understand that another thing that I took away is to feel that way is so universal. It's amazing to feel like there's something missing and you need something. And life isn't about accumulating as much stuff as you possibly can'cause these guys have done it. They have everything that they could possibly want or need that money can buy. What they don't have is a happy soul. They don't have a calm, quiet place to rest and be the people that they want to be. I, I mean, I think that is the, the thing about this that I found so powerful after thinking about it for a little, like, the privilege in that room is wild. And I don't think,

Sarah:

I mean, I, I, I think we, we shouldn't say that goes for everybody'cause we don't know everybody and we don't know how they got there. There are scholarships Yeah. Sometimes for this shit. So, but I would say the majority of people are definitely, and some people are there just'cause they dig this.

Chris:

They dislike it. Do you, you dig the ship because it's part of universal human experience wants to be connected to other people, and they don't want it to be conditioned on here's my, here's my money. Yeah. Like, that's what I took from, from this is that it doesn't matter, like as much or as little, you can still get so much out of this meditation experience. Mm-hmm. Like you, it kind of opens your eyes to how connected everything is. I know that's kind of cheesy and, but I, I mean, I think that is the, one of the important parts that I took away is this sort of shared humanity, like everyone needs community and that All right. We will, we'll talk about lunch and then we'll talk about session two and then we'll, we'll finally get to, to, to the end and I'll, I'll give you guys more reflections. Um, so we have lunch, and lunch is lovely. E except for the, Sarah and I are a bit late, so we walk in and the only table is a table in the back with nobody at it, except for the, that table is reserved and there's a whole table of people here that are giggling.'cause we are the 54th people to have walked back there and been like, oh, oh, it's reserved. We should have sat down and pretended like it was reserved for us. So then we go back for session three and that's where I stopped writing things.'cause then it got hard, like, then we sit down after lunch and, you know, we get, we got to do a little bit of exploring after lunch. And the, the whole place is just really cute. The Omega Institute is just really, really cute. We had a little snack at the cafe. We had a cookie and, and some coffee. We looked at the bookstore and just very nice. Nice relaxing place, not a cult. Turns out they didn't actually try to take any of my money. And Hmm. Once you get there and kind of get into it, you're like, no. The, the little dorm room that I live in is nice and it's warm and the beds are comfortable, and it is definitely enough space for me to have my things. I'm here for two days. What, what do I, what do I need? So that was nice. And then we, then we get back to the session and they're like, okay, meditate again. And I was like, easy peasy. I'm so fucking good at it. And then everything went to shit. Like, it really did. Like the whole afternoon was, first off, I fell asleep immediately. Like, between me and you back as Sarah, I've been sleeping the, every time we meditated Uhhuh, like, because she's got a whole bunch of cold medicine on board, and every time she closed her eyes, she's like,

Sarah:

mm, I'm not really sure why. It's just between you guys. Because I was very open with everyone. Like, how did you, you feel about that? Oh, I was asleep. Sorry,

Chris:

but I wasn't taking any cold medicine. And then it was really, then afternoon one,

Sarah:

everybody fell asleep.

Chris:

So mad at myself. And then like immediately after that first thing. That's funny. Like where they're like, they're like, okay, now I want you guys to talk about that experience and talk about how they image and I'm gonna go in the bathroom.

Sarah:

Thank you.

Chris:

Right. Sarah fucks off immediately after she wakes up.'cause she's had a nice nap. Now she has to pee. Now I'm sitting there by myself and they're like, okay, just talk about how that made you feel. And everyone who was next to me immediately turned to their other neighbors. Oh, that's the worst feeling in the world. And even John with No Heart, who was right in front of me, um, somebody tried to, somebody tried to bring John, I wish this into, into their conversation. Like they see him just sitting there with no heart looking like the Tin Man. And uh, they're like, do you wanna, do you wanna join our group? And he was like, no, I fell asleep. And he's a, he is got hearing aids in, so he is a bit of a loud talker. He is like, no, I fell asleep. And so normally I would be like kind of cheesed off a bit that nobody wanted to talk to me, but like watching everybody kind of share their experiences was sort of a neat thing for me. Mm-hmm. Sarah came back from the, from the ladies room and I'm like, just listen. Listen to everyone being all excited about their meditation. Like that's so fun for them. Like I was asleep and I'm pretty sure I suck at meditation right now, but watching everyone else be excited about it. That's nice. I enjoyed that they were all asleep and just making fucking

Sarah:

shit up.

Chris:

Right, right. Beck Ed is such a nice outlook and Sarah was like, what are you talking about? I was like, nevermind. I'm sorry you're sick. I missed you when you were gone. And like the rest of the rest of that afternoon session was just like hard and painful and. I don't know it. I felt like I don't know enough. Like I don't deserve to be here. I don't know what's happening. I don't know why everyone else is good at this. And I suck at it. And like by the time we got to the end and we're supposed to do this loving kindness meditation, which is all one word by the way, loving kindness meditation. This meta meditation where you just give love to, uh, you give love to yourself and someone who's innocent and tiny and deserves it like a child, or in this case a cat, in my case, a cat. And then you just kind of expand out there until you're trying to give love to someone that you hate. And I think 80% of the people in that room were trying to give love to Donald Trump.

Sarah:

180%, fuck that. 98.9. 99.9 were went for Trump in that last one for sure. Maybe.

Chris:

Maybe JD Vance,'cause he killed the Pope.

Sarah:

But yeah, that was, yeah, definitely. So I would say, yeah. 99.99% of people were after Trump and, and JD Vance. I say after, but trying to give them love of some sort. No.

Chris:

And you know, trying to come to some sort of understanding with their situation. So that's always hard for me'cause I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm good at, uh, somebody else. I'm good at an enemy, but trying to give love to myself is, uh, turns out a harder thing for me. I'm like, uh, if you were better at meditation, you would probably be better at giving love to your, I was like that. This circle, this circle. And then we started talking about paradoxes and we started talking about the five things that suck about like Buddhism, that I'm designed for aging. I am built for aging. I'm built to get sick. I'm built to die. Everything I love is eventually going to go away or change. And, uh, I am a product of karma, some of which I had absolutely no control over. So it is like. Thinking about those things is kind of a downer. And then trying to wrap my brain around why my brain is the way that it is. Like the afternoon was just a complete shit show as far as my mental facilities. And poor Sarah was sick and she's like, would you rather be here by herself? And she's feeling bad. I'm not gonna put words in your mouth. How was your afternoon? I napped.

Becca:

Nice.

Sarah:

I didn't really, I mean, this was, the problem is I was just in a fog most of the weekend. So, I mean, I did, I I enjoyed the majority of it, but yeah, after the afternoon even, I, even though I was in a fog, I was like, what the fuck am I doing here? Like, like what's, I'm obviously on not the level that these people are. I don't know a lot of what they're talking about. And I forget what we, what I'm supposed to do in every meditation.'cause I keep falling asleep and then I wake up and I'm like, Ooh, I don't even remember like, the first five minutes before we started meditating. Like, it's kind of like being in a car accident every time I had to meditate. Like, people ask you, what do you remember of the car accident? And you're like, I don't, like five minutes before I wrecked. That's, I don't remember anything. That's kind of like every bit of meditation this weekend. Um, so it's not like, yeah, that's, that's, I mean, I still felt pretty shitty at the end of Saturday.'cause I, I too was just like, I am. I don't know what I'm doing here. Yeah. And I, I think my thing was there was more of, there was more Buddhist talk than, I'm like, I, I don't really focus, I'm more on the secular side of meditation. And so I think that that, and not that I disagree with it, like I feel like it's all super interesting and I, I, I'd like to learn about it. I just really haven't. So it's kind of, I feel like that was my separation this weekend.

Chris:

Yeah. Same. I'm like, Dharma, what is d Like I went back to my room and looked up what does dharma mean? Because people are like, oh, and the Dharma and Polly is an ancient language that the Buddhist spoke. And I'm like, I don't know any of this. Like I'm Catholic bad at it

Sarah:

and I, I dig all that stuff, but I, I still have a tr have trouble like saying, connecting that as a religion. Like I don't

Chris:

Yeah. Fascinating. And it like philosophy. Yeah. And I, I like all that, so I'm like, okay. This would, I, maybe I would've gotten more out of it if I had, if I had known like more. But I think that this is, it's a nice jumping off place and I feel like I learned more this weekend than I would've if I would've sat down and tried to read like 80 books anyway. Hundred percent trying to do this loving kindness meditation. And I'm like, all right. All right. And Dan Harris was gonna lead it, but instead they had a special, like a guest artist born. One was is his rap name and uh, his name is osu. Shit. I can't remember his last name either. Tell me what it is. OSU Jones Jones Corti. Is that how you pronou? There it is. Oh, FASU. Um, and he is a very large black man. A sea of lily white ladies.

Becca:

Nice. Awesome.

Chris:

Mm-hmm. He was, if you guys are on the YouTube, Sarah's holding up the book. So he's, he's our, he's our guest. Like he's gonna take us through the dance party at night. And, uh, he comes up and he leads the loving kindness meditation. But before he does that, he's like, I fucking hate loving kindness meditation. I was like, literally quote word for word. I'm like, I love him already. And, uh, great. Awesome. He was so awesome. And he's, he's like, here's what I tend to think of it. I'm a goddamn care bearer. I'm a care bearer with my giant heart and I'm shooting out loving kindness. And I was like, uh, first off the Gen X reference. Please, please. So he guides us through this and. His take on these things was just so comforting. Like, he's like, I hate that. Um, I'm, I'm about to like drop some rhymes on you. Like it was a lot of these wrapped vernacular wrapped up into Buddhist meditation and I was like, this, this cat is awesome. Thank you so much for making me laugh and making me not take this shit so seriously. He, he so awesome. So we, uh, then he's like, Hey, if anyone needs a book signed first, you can buy my book in the bookstore and then I will be at the cafe and I will sign it. So that's what we did and it was nice'cause we're standing in line and the line's taking a long time because he's having an actual real conversation with everyone that's walking through and I'm like, I don't have anything to talk to this guy about. Like, I don't. Yeah, we got our pictures taken with him. He is so sweet. Yes. So awesome. Um, so then we get up to the line and we, we, we have a, we have a chat with him and we did, we did fine. Like the anxiety of being in the book signing line. I was like, I'm gonna get outta line'cause I don't, you know, for some reason I'm like, I don't deserve to be in the line. I don't deserve to get my book signed. Like, all of that shit goes through my head because I am me. Um, and then I get up there and I'm like, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for, um, you know, making it, letting me not take it so seriously. He's like high fiving us. It was awesome. And, and uh, we, we head into the night, the evening session. And the evening session is really just, uh, a fasu doing some sound bowls. Becky, you know what a sound bowl is?

Becca:

I love sound bowls. I so much fun. And we, whenever the store would be empty, my manager would like, we had big ones and we had smaller ones. So Nice. So nice, so

Chris:

cool. I do dig a sound bowl. So he did a little sound bowl meditation with us. Yes. And then, then he went through his album and the, well, first, Sarah and I are the first ones there.'cause again, there's nothing else to do. So we knit and crochet and she lays down for as long as she's gonna be able to lay down without falling asleep. And then we gotta get her out into the cold again.

Becca:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Uh, we're the first ones there for, for this session. And they had taken away all the chairs and they're like, just grab some pillows. And, uh, we set ourselves up, Hey, we got to pick our spot. And we set ourselves up. Like we, we picked a bigger cushion and then a smaller cushion, the bigger cushion to mark our spots so no one could touch us. And then we got like comfy, comfy meditation as pillows, which make, uh, sitting, uh, crisscross applesauce, very comfortable. And then we got little chairs that had backs, like stadium chairs. We were hooked up. And then, uh, ladies came in after us and they were like, we don't know what to do. I'm like, why don't you just do what we did? We don't know what we're doing either. So that, I like those kinds of interactions with strangers when they told me that I'm smart and that they like my little setup. So they did that. Then everyone filtered in. It was, it was very nice. We were very happy to be the first ones there and be the, the ringleader of that group. Fun stuff. And then, uh, a Fasu kind of did his whole album and it was rap about Buddhist shit and it was awesome. And as someone who maybe not isn't the biggest fan of hip hop, these are otherwise I liked it. Sarah, on the other hand, is a huge fan and uh, she also enjoyed it. So I think a good time was had by all Sarah. Any any thoughts on that? After like, after the afternoon session and feeling like a piece of shit and then a fasu and the dance party, um, he made it all better. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's the, that's the moral of the story is then I could go back to, back to my room and I could read my new dharma. Dharma Brain book

Sarah:

and, and he said shit like that, that made sense to me. Like he said things like, what the fuck are you talking about? I would've chose, I definitely would've fucking chose something different. Like he said the up word a lot and I'm, which really into that anyway. Go ahead.

Chris:

Yeah. I mean, he said butt ass naked about something. It was great. Naked. A mother motherfucker was a very important but ass

Sarah:

naked motherfucker. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. It was.

Chris:

He was my jam. He wa he was, he was awesome. I think everyone enjoyed it. Um, there were probably a, a couple people that didn't, he also thanked us for not saying anything stupid.

Sarah:

Us being the white people.

Chris:

Right. Which I enjoy. Thank uh, and I'm like, okay, well now I can't talk to him'cause I don't wanna be the one who ruins it. Um, so we, we, we drift off to sleep. Oh, and I should mention that everyone in our cabin had typhoid. Our cabin was very sick like this. Like we lay down on Friday night to go to sleep and someone went constantly for an hour and 25 minutes. It wasn't me either. Oh, it wasn't

Sarah:

me.

Chris:

Like I almost texted Sarah and said, shut up. But it wasn't her, her and I almost texted

Sarah:

her and said, I swear to God, that's not me.

Chris:

So the, the last day we get up and, uh, Sarah and I and I decide we're not gonna go to the community cafeteria, we're just gonna sit in the cafe and have a breakfast sandwich and a lovely artisan made coffee. Delicious. So we head on to the last session and the last session. It really is just kind of a wrap up of the, of the whole whole week and then questions from the audience. And I was surprised to run into somebody that, well, Sarah ran into her. Kelly that we had met the first night and she felt the same way that we did. And this was actually her second meditation party. Like this is the second time she's done this particular retreat with Dan Harris and, and these guys. And she was like, yeah, last night I felt like a piece of shit. Like, I don't know why I'm here, why I'm doing any of this and I'm terrible at it. And I wanted to be at the dance party and then I didn't wanna be at the dance party. So like, it felt like everyone came into Sunday with like a, alright, let's get a, let's get a little reset going. And the questions were good, the conversation was good. Learning about people's different journeys and, and where they are. And kind of like really understanding that there's no rules. Like Zen Buddhism has a bunch of rules which I'm gonna look into'cause I dig rules, but they're like. The, the science will tell you that as long as you are sitting quietly concentrating on your breathing and trying to be more mindful, like just that piece. And I have to say that for anyone watching on YouTube, Sarah looks angelic right now. Like the light is coming in and she's, it's, she's so quickly too, right? Right. Like, I am distracted by the kaleidoscope of colors that she is baking. Right. I'm letting it go. I'm letting it play out. Yeah. I, I love it. I love it. But yeah, I think that, that everyone came, came in like on, on Sunday ready to just ready to just be, and it was, it was a nice way to, to end things. And I will admit that, that kind of around 10 30, I started checking out because I was like, all right, we got a long drive home. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. And maybe that is one of the things that, that maybe continued meditation will help calm down, is the fact that I can't sit and be present at a thing without. Trying to be someplace else at the same time. Well, that's kind of, I

Sarah:

had the same thing happen. I don't think I said anything about it, but like, I was like, alright, let's just get the fuck. Like, there was, I, I had to physically stop myself from saying, alright, let's go, let's just go now so we can get outta here before everybody else. I mean, you know how I, like, I would need to get outta the parking lot. I don't wanna sit in tra like, and that like, and I, I kept, I think that was my biggest battle. Like the last probably half hour to 45 minutes was, okay, stop. This is literally what you're here for. You are here to not worry about what's happening in a half hour when you have to leave and just focus on what's happening now. So I feel like that was actually a very good practice at the end of all of it, considering what we were there for. But that's, that is what I did and that's it. It seems like, oh my God, I am, I'm failing because here I am thinking about, but I wasn't failing because I realized I was thinking about that. I was aware and, and going back to it and saying, okay, it's fine. Let's get back into it. And then progress 30 seconds later, I was like, oh, we should just get the fuck outta here and then, no, let's get back. So, I mean, that's what, that's what it's about.

Chris:

Yeah. I think we, we ended up on a really nice note. We met, actually, the lady who sat next to us at the end was one of our cabin mates, uh, Lisa. Mm-hmm. Um, and we, we had heard her on Friday night having a conversation with her children back home. Very cute. So it was very sweet. She was a very nice lady. She was a therapist. And I will say that collectively, the group of people there, when somebody said something deep and meaningful, everyone went, oh, and it was one of the most. Horrible and annoying things to me on Friday, but by Sunday I was like, oh, mm, I would

Becca:

feel so seen and so heard. I would feel so reassured. Like, oh, thank you, thank you everybody.

Chris:

Generational differences right there. I'm like, why won't these people shut up? And again, Becca, I think maybe you're just starting at a more zen level than, than I am.'cause I'm like, I hate everyone who seems to be better at this and more understanding of this than, than I'm so, and uh, I think finally like, getting out of there, like we're racing to the car. Like we're at a concert and, uh, we were the, we were the only people that were leaving

Sarah:

because I am like the progressive, is it progressive commercial? Like turning into your parents? Like we don't have to plan our exit before the event even starts. Like that's, but we should, me, I'm always like, okay, so what time are we gonna leave so we don't have to deal with these other motherfuckers? Like what?

Chris:

Right. We had the option to leave our suitcases on the porch of our, our little cabin that was 500 miles away. And we were like, nah, dog, we're gonna take'em to the car. That way they're already in the car when we're leaving.

Sarah:

Mm-hmm. And we don't have to

Chris:

mess

Sarah:

with anything else.

Chris:

We look like Nepalese Sherpas dragging our shit down this mountain. Like if you can imagine being up by Zeta at Bethany and dragging things to the cafeteria, that's, that's what we look like. Like,

Becca:

oh man.

Chris:

Covered, covered in all of our shit that we didn't need to bring turns out.

Sarah:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

Like I literally could have

Sarah:

brought two outfits.

Chris:

Right. I could have packed in a plastic grocery bag.

Sarah:

Mm-hmm.

Chris:

I mean, I wouldn't have, because that would've been unkind to the environment, which I think was a big important thing to these guys. And I didn't wanna be offensive,

Sarah:

felt kind of bad that I had a plastic cup. Right. Not, and it was a reusable plastic cup, but it was still plastic and I felt like that was wrong.

Becca:

But it's reusable.

Sarah:

Yeah. I think that, so I just went with it. I just went with it.

Chris:

And one of my favorite, one of my favorite parts, the retreat was great, but driving home and listening to self-compassion with Sarah. Um, so we had Kristen Neff's book and her name came up a couple of times during the retreat. And while we were driving home, I'm like, let's listen to the book. So we were listening to the book together and um, a lot of the self-compassion stuff is being able to have the awareness to pause and say, Hey, you don't have to call yourself an idiot. You don't have to tell other people that you're an idiot. You are a human being and part of being a human being is messing up and making mistakes. Now let's take some ownership and plan where we're gonna go from here. Let's, let's let the past be the past. Let's accept who we are and try to be at the same time, try to be a better person and let's go forward and let's not worry so much about other people's opinions and let not worry so much about, you know, preemptively telling people that you're an asshole. And on the surface, that seems easy, right? Like, oh yeah, sure, no, I can totally be kind to myself. But being kind to myself often starts out with, Hey asshole, maybe you don't do that. So this is, this is going to be a little bit more challenging, uh, than maybe I first thought, but it is also going to be very valuable according to the research. Like, as you know, she really, Kristen f gets into a lot about self-esteem and the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion and how maybe we've done a disservice, Becca, to your generation by making sure that you all have fantastic self-esteem. I mean, our parents started it and we just carried it forward. We're like, everybody is a unique little darling snowflake. That has to be the best and maybe we should have been, like everyone is a unique little snowflake that has to be as they are. That difference would have changed a generation of entitled little pricks to people that would actually be able to self-reflect. And since Sarah and I got a little taste of that as we grew up in our, uh, Mr. Rogers era, that we, we have some work to do as well. Like we have because, uh, a lot of my self-esteem comes from people telling me that I'm good. That a lot of my self-esteem and my self-worth and my value comes from people telling me that I'm good and I'm valuable. And maybe instead of relying on other people to do that, I can look inside and be like, you're good, you're valuable. And I don't need the external for that, but that is gonna take a, a little bit of work, like hard work, I think. And it's interesting to me that I can be so kind to Sarah when she says things like, you're an idiot. I'm like, you're not an idiot. You're human. I have a very, very, very hard time doing the same thing to myself. So, yeah. Interesting. Even the car ride home was full of like insights and uplifting

Sarah:

things, and that's, I mean, one of the best practices is talking to yourself like you would a friend, right? Talking to yourself, giving yourself the advice that you would give someone else, that's a very eye-opening. Again, very simple. Sounds very simple. It is a very simple thing to do, to stop yourself and be like, okay, well what would I say to a friend? And then you say that and you're like, yeah, that makes sense. But saying it to yourself is a little bit harder, but just getting yourself to think about it is something that makes a big difference.

Chris:

Yep. Yep. I'm, I'm very, I'm very keen to continue reading the, the self-compassion and, and really, and I was so excited about it that I, I called Olivia yesterday on Sunday, maybe? Yeah, on Sunday. And she's having, she was having a really bad day. It's cold, it's dark, it's scary. Like she's, finals are coming up and it's, it's a bad time for her. And I was like so excited about self-compassion and I'm like, and she's like, I have to go. I was like, oh no, sorry. I made every conversation about me. I love you. You're the voice in my head when I have self-compassion for myself. Love you. Bye.

Becca:

Wow. I didn't even think about finals. And then I saw that it was end of October and I was like, yeah.

Sarah:

Ugh. End of October. Yay.

Chris:

Sorry, Sarah, you had your hand out. That's okay.

Sarah:

I just wanted to say one of my, my other favorite things about the drive home and um, we have to hurry, was giving yourself a name for you to talk to yourself. Like, I call my brain, my brain voice, but when I talk to myself, like my brain voice is separate. It's not me, but when you're talking self-compassion, you have to talk to yourself. So like, I feel like maybe I should just be like, Hey Sarah, like I should just refer to myself as myself. But Kristen now refers to herself as darling, which I found smarmy ridiculous. So I have decided that my name is motherfucker and I feel it works. It works. It sounds mean, but it works. Listen, motherfucker, just stop. Just stop. That's not how you need to feel. Motherfucker. Like it works great. Christine's is Bud. Hey Bud. Hey. Hey Bud. Hey Bud.

Becca:

Hey bud. Mine's silly Goose. I call myself silly, silly goose, silly goose. I love silly. Silly is mainly silly, but silly or silly goose, where I'll be like, all right, silly. Like, absorb, take a second, don't worry about it. Or be like, oh, you were a silly goose, but that's okay. Don't worry about it happens to the best of us, and I just keep going. Amen.

Chris:

Roll Right on. All right, ladies. Um, I love that, like, setting it up took us 35 minutes and then walking through all the lessons took us another hour. Good. It was, it was so good, and I'm so glad that we did it, and I'm so glad that you went, and I'm sorry that you were sick, but awesome. I think it's, you know, I, I meditated yesterday, like, I actually sat down and did a practice yesterday for the first time. And other than just like taking about five minutes, being like, okay, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. This time I sat down and like really got into a position and closed my eyes and, and went for it and yeah. I think if nothing else, this kind of set me up to really understand the benefits of trying to do that and being here, being present, and all of that mindful bullshit. So love it. Thanks sir. Yay. Happy for you guys. Thanks. Thanks. That is our, that is our very special episode of The Mental Funny Bone, and I have to say it to you guys. Uh, namaste. Namaste, motherfuckers. Namaste. Namaste motherfuckers. I think that's how we're in the episode. Bye, motherfucker. Bye bud. Silly Goose. We'll talk to you later.

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Christine Kanalis

Host
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Sarah Leibhart

Host