The Mental Funny Bone

Episode 37: Nutty All Over the Place

• Gaster Girls • Season 4 • Episode 1

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In this lively episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' hosts Sarah and Christine dive into their unique take on mental health and wellness, peppered with personal anecdotes and humor. The duo navigates everything from early morning recording struggles and wardrobe mishaps to feedback on their podcast. They reminisce about chaotic weekends, a wild bar encounter, and festive decorating traditions. They also dig into their latest book discussion on overcoming the fear of others' opinions, particularly focusing on Beethoven's life and struggles. Throughout the episode, Christine and Sarah keep the laughter rolling while sharing relatable life lessons and their own vulnerabilities.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Sarah:

Hello and welcome to the mental funny bone. I am Sarah. She's Christine. She's going to talk now.

Chris:

we are not mental health professionals, but we do endeavor to shine a little bit of light on mental health, wellness, and how we go from struggle to wellness. if you do need to talk to a mental health professional, which we both highly recommend, please check out our show notes and go out there and get you a therapist, cause it might be the thing that changes your life for the better,

Sarah:

Amen. Amen. I like that.

Chris:

make the sign of the cross and we can move on.

Sarah:

and also with you,

Chris:

with you too is what they say now, maybe, I don't know, I can't, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've been to church.

Sarah:

feel like that's wrong. It should always be. And also with you, I feel like I responded to somebody's texts with that statement and also with you recently. I don't know why. Okay. We're recording early today.

Chris:

In the morning early,

Sarah:

Yeah. So I have sleepy Sarah. I don't have like normal sleepy Sarah hair though. It's normally a lot more rowdy than this.

Chris:

you have been touching it a lot in the last half an hour. You have been like, there's just one bump in the back. You haven't been able to quite get to yet. So there it is. You got it.

Sarah:

Yeah, okay. Slickin it down.

Chris:

Yep. You look great.

Sarah:

Christine is out of town, so she's all professional looking, except for the amount of boob that she's showing. When you're sitting like that, you can't see your boobs. Just don't bend over.

Chris:

I feel like I'm just going to, I feel like I'm going to do the same thing I do every time I put this blouse on, and I think it is, the time has come for me to take this blouse off, put it in a drawer here in this hotel room and never, take it home.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Once you wear something, I really like the blouse though, so that seems

Chris:

I

Sarah:

But once you wear it so many times and you know that you're irritated with it so many times, just,

Chris:

Yeah, I'd like it. It's really cute. it's a beautiful, like beigey peachy color that goes perfectly with this, wooly blazer I'm wearing. But

Sarah:

Alright, moving on.

Chris:

Moving on. Yes. Thank you. I appreciate you moving on.

Sarah:

anytime, I don't think we've really got any fan mail this week. Mm

Chris:

Um, I did get to have dinner with jamie r this

Sarah:

RM.

Chris:

and she did say again That it's really good. The podcast is really good. And she recommended it to the other friend we were eating dinner with. So

Sarah:

I love that. I love that. Especially coming from her. I really think that she's one that wouldn't just

Chris:

go,

Sarah:

lie. so sorry, I'm putting a shot on my lips because I have multiple cold sores, even though I take the cold sore medicine every day.

Chris:

we also got really good feedback on our episode titles. So I was talking to work people last night about the podcast and my buddy, James B, podcast and started reading out the titles. get your dicks out of the oven.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

And I was like,

Sarah:

titles.

Chris:

that was last week's episode, Sarah, get your dicks out of the oven. Spotted dick. Remember

Sarah:

didn't listen to last week's episode cause everything in my life has been crazy since Thursday. So I'm going to have to listen to that today. Fantastic. And that's all you. So that's feedback for you, man.

Chris:

he was like all the dick jokes. I was like, there's just one, but it's really funny.

Sarah:

but.

Chris:

it twice

Sarah:

Yeah. Yep.

Chris:

blue balls. I was like, Yes.

Sarah:

Yeah. We're, you're good at the naming of the episodes.

Chris:

Blue star ointment for the mind. He was like, these are, I want to listen to all of them. I was like, yeah, that's how it goes. look at the most listened to episode past episode six. It's a. Blue balls,

Sarah:

And hey, what, it should be saying in the episode. So I feel like it's not just made up to lure you in. Like every one of your titles is a line that is said. So I feel like it's an accurate description of what you're about to hear.

Chris:

right? If you think that title is funny, there's a line in the podcast where we say that line and then laugh like hyenas. So all fair. Um, what do you got for catch up this week? I feel like the week has it only been a week since. no, it's been two weeks since Thanksgiving. Like I'm so confused on what day it is. since we've gotten past Thanksgiving, I have all sense of space and time is gone for me. Like I

Sarah:

Spacetime Continuum.

Chris:

no idea what is happening right now. I am in Philly and I know that I have meetings. I also know that I'm not prepared as much as I would like to be for these meetings because it's just been nutty. All over the place. Professionally, personally, it's been crazy. I don't know how everyone else's December is, but it's just wacky.

Sarah:

Nutty. All over the place. Is what you just said. Nani, nani, no, nani all over the place is what you just said. And I didn't hear anything past that. but my,

Chris:

there's our title.

Sarah:

my, weekend, there was a lot going on this weekend. I was a bad mom.

Chris:

Oh no.

Sarah:

yeah, I don't know if you've seen my latest Facebook posts. we had a lot of things going on and I did not take pictures like a mom should. we had the soccer banquet on Thursday and then we went to Lancaster, wherever, however you want to say it, for, his first, cup soccer tournament or club soccer. I don't know what they call it

Chris:

That's soccer we pay for.

Sarah:

Yeah. The soccer that costs too much. we went to his first tournament this weekend and that's why I have cold sores all over my mouth because number one, I drank entirely too much on Thursday and woke up, I don't And I haven't recovered the proper,

Chris:

Hydration.

Sarah:

hydration. I was going to say liquid in my body. I haven't recovered that quite yet. yeah, hydration in my body. Same thing. I couldn't think of hydration. so yeah, so I haven't quite recovered from that yet. And then I was out in the, Arctic weather. It was so fucking cold on Saturday. Like unreal cold that we had to stand in and watch soccer. yeah, so that's what we did. It was fun. They did well. Owen did well on Saturday. He had a really nice, assist in the second game. but I think he got over his little jitters for the first tournament. So yeah,

Chris:

most important soccer tournament question. did you meet up with the parents in the bar? Were there a cluster of parents like around the coach trying to provide sage advice on how to win the next game?

Sarah:

that was actually Thursday night at the bar after the soccer tournament with a heist or after the soccer banquet with the high school coaches, I'm not sure we were really giving advice. We were doing shots.

Chris:

No.

Sarah:

Like after the banquet, we didn't get home until after midnight. I think we left the bar at midnight. Like we sent our kids home cause some of them can drive now. So I was like, Hey, can you just take my, I'm sending my kid home with yours. That's great. Okay. Everybody else to the bar. cause it was in a hotel. So we went to the hotel bar and I know you'll find this fascinating. I got reprimanded by the bartender for swearing.

Chris:

What?

Sarah:

Yeah,

Chris:

I am. Shocked

Sarah:

I mean

Chris:

is the, give me the context. is the bartender like an older guy? is he offended because you're a young lady?

Sarah:

I think he just didn't like me to be honest from the first drink I ordered he was just not a friendly individual

Chris:

Ah,

Sarah:

And I

Chris:

Thursday night. And he's what the hell?

Sarah:

if the joint was fucking jumping it's a hotel by the airport like it has to be like that all week Especially now with like holiday parties and shit. Anyway, Yeah, and I can't even remember like somebody asked me what were you saying that you got reprimanded and I was like, I don't know I'm guessing I'm saying fuck after every word But that's I'm 46 years old and I literally cannot remember any time that I got reprimanded for swearing in a bar

Chris:

Like

Sarah:

ever.

Chris:

Yeah. I can remember getting reprimanded,

Sarah:

And that's what, and I remember being like, and I was talking to the coaches and I think it was one of the coaches. It was like, Hey, the bartender told you to chill out with your language or some shit like that. And I was like, Oh, okay. I don't really remember what my response was. But then when I sobered up and thought about it, it's what shit? Maybe it's cause it was. a hotel bar, but like it was literally after 11 o'clock at night.

Chris:

Listen,

Sarah:

where's the kiddie table? I'm not sure. what are we talking about here?

Chris:

as a veteran of many hotel bars, after 11 PM. No. There, there are no,

Sarah:

There's

Chris:

no etiquette. Really. I don't

Sarah:

kids table. I don't understand. What are we, what's happening? Okay, fine. Whatever.

Chris:

But go back to the part where you're doing shots. You are 50.

Sarah:

I am not 50. First fucking of all,

Chris:

Wait, I'm 50.

Sarah:

you take that back.

Chris:

Wait, I'm 50. You're not

Sarah:

said I'm 46. Yeah. I don't know. I But yeah, I thought it was a good idea staying out till midnight. And by this point I had probably had 15 beers.

Chris:

Is it, is it one of these situations where one of the young kids was like, Hey, if you, oh, guys don't wanna do shots. you don't have to,

Sarah:

Yeah, I think maybe I was like, I'm not scared. I'm not, are you scared? I'm not scared. when I got scared like at 1am

Chris:

Did you have to put your foot down on the side of the bed?

Sarah:

when I was crawling to the bathroom. That's when I got scared.

Chris:

Oh my god.

Sarah:

felt and what's really upsetting is that yes, I threw up Thursday night and when I threw up I was like excellent I got it all out of my system and it was so much better for that four hour drive. We have tomorrow awesome If that was not the case, I threw up again Friday morning and still felt like a big dong turd.

Chris:

Oh my god.

Sarah:

Yeah, I did it I really anyway. So the tournament though, we had dinner, after our second game on Saturday and got to talk to some of the parents and this was our first time meeting them, but we really didn't do anything after that because our game on Sunday was at 8 AM and we had to be there at 7 15. I was ready to go. I had a few beers at dinner and I was like, all right, where are we going?

Chris:

Is there, was there, see I think the, you also need to be aware of who's picking the hotel and the requirement for, maybe not so much at this age, but a pool and a bar. Like these are two things that absolutely have to happen at any soccer tournament hotel.

Sarah:

Yeah, I feel like we all just bring our own alcohol, so

Chris:

no, you can bring it to the bar.

Sarah:

yeah, just a lobby, really, I feel like that's it, or a room, I, mommy and daddy did this On our trips growing up, one of my, one of my cup friends from Beatling actually sent me a message yesterday and, I was like, Hey, I've been thinking about you a lot lately with, Owen just starting this adventure. And she was like, wow, do you ever think like how our parents dealt with us? And I was like, oh, I know exactly how my parents dealt with me. My dad drank and my mom smoked.

Chris:

they, we were free range.

Sarah:

Yeah. yeah, anyway, so it was a crazy weekend, but it was fun and I will eventually, my lips, I will eventually regain my hydration.

Chris:

It's only Monday, Tuesday. Day is it? Tuesday.

Sarah:

way too early.

Chris:

so here's my weekend. here's my Saturday. I have my Saturday all laid out. I'm like, I have to do some work for, because I'm going to be out of town, so I want to catch up, get ahead, so that I don't have to end up working in the hotel room at midnight every night. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to pay the bills, clean up, pack, get ready to head out of town. I picked up a new crocheting project, so I wanted to do that. Mostly I wanted to do that because that's how ADD brains work. there were legit a thousand things that needed to be done, but no, nay, nay. I will hyper focus just a tick on this brand new project. thing that I added to my already busy schedule to help me avoid the things on my already busy schedule. and then David's hey, we should do something together today because it's too cold to go hunting, which is what he would normally be doing. it's too cold to, piss around in the garage. We should do something together. So then for the next four hours, I spent suggesting things that we could do and then we didn't do them

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

for four hours. And I'm like, fine, let's just go, let's go to Target in Uniontown. And then let's see what happens from there.

Sarah:

How many things can you suggest in four hours? I feel like I can suggest, five things in a minute. what kind of things are you suggesting?

Chris:

no. I'm suggesting. And then there's a, contemplating part. And there's a, yeah, I guess we could do that. And then there's a reluctance to do it. And then there's a, I don't want to do that. And then there's a, no, we're not going to do that. And then, you just suggest something else after that. do you want to go walk around South Hills village? He's I don't want to spend any money. I'm like, not a requirement.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

like, maybe five bucks for a pretzel,

Sarah:

you're a much better wife than I am because I'd have been like, I don't know. You figure it out. You don't like what I'm saying. You figure it out. Guess who just woke up.

Chris:

macho. bing. Ding dong. Ding

Sarah:

him shake his little, his whole body and his little tags go. So we'll see what he's going to do anyway. Continue. you guys end up doing?

Chris:

we went, we went to Target. Oh, we went to Walmart because we had to get, space bags. You know what space bags are?

Sarah:

I love space

Chris:

Yeah, we have a lot of, we have a lot of quilts.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

so we did that and then we went to, I think at some point we got appetizers at some place and I can't remember if it was like, Oh no, Oh my God. I have blocked something out of my brain until just now. so we go to Applebee's to grab some apps and a Christmas drink because Applebee's has Christmas drinks. Like a drunk reindeer or something. So I had one of those drunk reindeer had a little Santa gummy floating in it.

Sarah:

Oh,

Chris:

I'm like, anyway, so have some French fries and, there is a lady sitting on the, like me and David, and then there's a lady sitting on the other side of David and, she keeps trying to strike up a conversation with David and David is pretending to be deaf in that ear.

Sarah:

yeah.

Chris:

Because he's way smarter than I am. And, David goes to the restroom and now she's got easy access to the person who will talk to her.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

she apparently was dating Donald Trump and she had Hunter Biden's phone number on her phone, because they're targeting her as a white supremacist and I was like, who was doing this? And she was like, I can't tell you. I can't tell you. Okay. and, and then she told me that she went to, she's I'm a doctor. I was like, Oh, that's nice.

Sarah:

Bullshit.

Chris:

I didn't say that. She's I went to chiropractic school and I am biting my tongue. And, I'm like, She's and then I quit chiropractic school and went to medical school. Okay, good. glad to see you following your dreams. I'm a stranger.

Sarah:

Our I can't say it out loud. That makes my stomach hurt.

Chris:

And then, and then it wasn't like her dating Donald Trump wasn't political or anything, but apparently Donald Trump was her boyfriend for seven years. And then she was married for 20 years. And then she had another boyfriend for 16 years. I was like, your math is wrong. She was like, George Clooney. I know something about him. And I was like,

Sarah:

Only in Fayette County.

Chris:

right, She was like, the monkey bar on 51. And I was like, how did we get there?

Sarah:

So is, was George Clooney hanging out there? Because I doubt it. But

Chris:

she was like, oh yeah, I, my boyfriend, Scott, I was like, is this the boyfriend between Trump and Merritt?

Sarah:

we're,

Chris:

so very confused. And David is back and being helpful at this point. She's like. she went to Elizabeth Forward. It's right there by the monkey bar. She's you probably know my boyfriend, Scott. And I was like, I might, what's Scott's last name? And she was like, I can't remember. I was like, that's okay.

Sarah:

you probably know my boyfriend, Mike Smith.

Chris:

You probably know my boyfriend, Scott. And then she was like, oh, she was like, now I'm just big into yoga. And I was like, oh, I like yoga too. And she was like, listen, give me your number.

Sarah:

No.

Chris:

And she was like, here's a piece of paper and a pen. And never, ever in my whole life. Have I given somebody a fake phone number?

Sarah:

Until now. I hope so.

Chris:

Oh yeah, for sure. I was like, I don't even know how to do it. do I change all the numbers? Do I just change one of the numbers? Like, how

Sarah:

move on. It's fine.

Chris:

do I give her my real name? I was like,

Sarah:

No. None of the above. None of the above. What you should have done, you need to think on your feet faster. And you need to, shoot back with, I dated Hunter Biden.

Chris:

I don't know why his number would be on your phone.

Sarah:

Yeah. And be like, is that the right number? Let me see what my number is.

Chris:

then she was like, yeah, I'll just put your number in my phone. when I get my phone back,

Sarah:

Yeah. I don't like her. I don't, she's,

Chris:

David, David was like, did you have fun? I was like, no, I didn't. That was scary.

Sarah:

now worried for my life. Yeah. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. so what should you guys do after that?

Chris:

we went home. Cause it was like, it was dark.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

So it was like 5. 15.

Sarah:

Yeah, I'm still having trouble with the darkness. not that it's making me sad, but just comprehending the actual time.

Chris:

again,

Sarah:

we were getting closer to Lancaster on Friday, like we left around one ish or two ish, something like that. So when we were getting there, it was like six ish maybe. And

Chris:

obviously midnight.

Sarah:

yeah, mommy had texted me to ask if we left yet. And I'm guessing she didn't know we took the day off work. So expected at five 30, this was at five 30. And no, I was like, what are you doing? I said, text my mom back. She wanted to know if we left yet. And he was like, why she just, anyway, we were both like, wow, it's only 5

Chris:

in, in reels news this week,

Sarah:

Oh yeah. I haven't been keeping up with your reels, David.

Chris:

I discovered the perfect reel. it's one from Schitt's Creek where it is a compilation of Alexis saying, David, David, you, David, right. Nom noms, David. Like, and I sent it to David and he's like, that's funny. I was

Sarah:

Yeah. Has he watched Schitt's Creek?

Chris:

no, he was like, it sounds like you. I'm like, yeah. All right, that is, that is all the, that is all the catch up I think we have to do. Do you have a gastro story of the week?

Sarah:

I do, I, Yeah.

Chris:

do you remember when our mother would get the Christmas decorations out?

Sarah:

It was a process. I was just telling someone about the decorating of the downtown Elizabeth house.

Chris:

Oh, I don't, I'm thinking way back, way, way back. I'm thinking silk wrapped ornaments that would then fray string shit everywhere.

Sarah:

And everything smelled like mothballs.

Chris:

A hundred percent. There were the number of wax based decorations that had been up in the attic and melted, but we're still put out in slightly misshapen forms, like a Santa sled that was maybe a candle and it

Sarah:

There was a whole scene that was a candle, and every year they decayed a little bit.

Chris:

melted a little bit further and your mom would pretend to let us help with the Christmas tree.

Sarah:

This is funny because I was, I think I was just telling Noah about the decorating of Christmas. And he was like, I just don't see your mom letting you help touching anything. And I was like, she gave us some old shit to take in our rooms and make it feel like we were doing something.

Chris:

we had individual Christmas trees that we were allowed to touch.

Sarah:

Yeah. The little tinsel ones,

Chris:

I feel,

Sarah:

because it had little things that you just stuck out of it, like on toothpicks.

Chris:

right. And then you put them, the way you stored it was each individual branch of tinsel came, came in its own tube.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

And at the end of the season, you would slide it into this little tube and it was one of the most satisfying things to pull that out of the tube and have they go and plump up.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

fabulous. Fabulous. I've tried to buy that tree so many times and been so disappointed with what I've gotten to. Instead, it's not the same,

Sarah:

no. I bought one for Owen. I don't even know where it is now. We may have thrown it out. but it was more like a real tree, not a real tree, a real fake tree. I don't know if that makes sense. You know what I mean? like it didn't have the individual things. I was like, this doesn't, I don't like this. it's still tinsely and his was blue, but yeah, I remember trying to string up lights. but not being able to make them stick. Like I wanted them on the window, but I was using scotch tape.

Chris:

right,

Sarah:

are the things, like I was challenged and there was no help from outside.

Chris:

right. There's, I do remember this in the front window, because I think we were both working on this, but we won't remember that the other one was there. I don't know how we keep erasing each other from our memories, but I am 100 percent

Sarah:

of, logical shit there to explore, but go ahead.

Chris:

Because I remember, I was like, all right, I don't think, cause I don't think our dad was big on putting the lights outside. I don't think like there were wreaths with spotlights on them is what I remember. Like those were our outside

Sarah:

feel like it's good.

Chris:

Yeah. And then I was like, if we can just scotch tape the, the Christmas lights to the inside of the window, and then you'll be able to see them outside.

Sarah:

think we tried duct tape to one year. I don't know, but it definitely, it wasn't working because it was cold and it just doesn't work. the tape on the window just doesn't work

Chris:

And yeah, and they would fall down as soon as we put them up. And then I think we just, I think we just left them in puddles on the windowsill.

Sarah:

Yep. Said fuck it. And that was it.

Chris:

And I

Sarah:

It was

Chris:

individual windows.

Sarah:

Decorating was a process. And I remember she used to take everything off the walls and replace it with something Christmas.

Chris:

There was a, there was a whole, there was a whole series, like there was a whole collection of cardboard boxes. In the attic that had Christmas written on the side of them in some very neat Anita script.

Sarah:

So much shit in every room.

Chris:

the living

Sarah:

feel like a disappointment considering that I have a Christmas tree and like my mantel's a little bit done.

Chris:

I have a ton of shit.

Sarah:

Yeah, you go overboard. Your mom did well with you.

Chris:

I was well trained. I'm down to, just three, three Christmas trees this year. I pared back.

Sarah:

see trees this year because we got a new one. So I put the old one downstairs. so downstairs and upstairs are both decorated, but very minimally, like just the tree is the main focus and there's a little bit of other shit around. yeah,

Chris:

there are, there, there's a small tree. So there's there's two big trees because we have to have the, we have to have the fun tree. And then we have to have one that's decorated pretty, it's got pretty decorations on it. and then there's a small one in the library because that's a room that needs a tree. And then by, by the fireplace, there's a tree and then the mantle has a bunch of shit on it. Yeah. I feel like I absorbed all of that from your mother. Like it looks, and I've really paired back. Like when Olivia was little, they used to take me, I would take off the week after Thanksgiving and spend every single one of those days decorating.

Sarah:

that's a lot. if I can't get it done in one day or less, it's just not happening. And regardless of how hard I fucking try, I always find one or two leftover fall decorations that I missed. Always. Like I just saw the other day, I have a pumpkin and a squirrel out by the calendar, and I didn't take those down.

Chris:

Nita had a ton of boxes.

Sarah:

we do love the Christmas decorating. I will say one thing when we moved to Elizabeth, Anita, Downtown Elizabeth, Anita upped her game and everything was real.

Chris:

Oh my God. Yes. Now I remember like the whole banister, why I've blocked that out is it was, It was the Christmas dance,

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. We had to take our pictures on the steps

Chris:

there was

Sarah:

and there was a turtleneck under a dress shirt involved.

Chris:

and there was somebody wearing MC Hammer pants, we did not have a successful time, at that particular dance, we did not do well,

Sarah:

Yeah. my date was fun and didn't try to date me. so that was cool. anyway, moving along, yeah, Nita upped her game. We would get the tallest. Cause I swear to God, the ceilings in that house were 20 feet tall. and the, the ceilings downstairs were 20 feet tall. The ceilings upstairs were six. Like I, yeah, I could literally touch the

Chris:

miners.

Sarah:

And I'm short. So that's what, like what I was taught, I was telling Noah about it this weekend. I literally, I was like, I'm pretty sure they were 20 feet tall. I swear to God, because. There was no, no space upstairs, which is where we lived. anyway. Oh, do you want to get to actually talk about the book?

Chris:

Yeah, let's talk about the book. New book this week, guys. New book. Michael Gervais, wrote a book called The Most Important Thing. I don't think that's it, but

Sarah:

no. It's the first rule of mastery. Stop worrying about what people think of you.

Chris:

The Most Important Thing.

Sarah:

Is that the most important thing or where did you come up with the most important thing?

Chris:

The first rule of mastery translates in my head to the most important thing.

Sarah:

Oh, okay.

Chris:

So there you go. Yeah, I listened to the introduction and the first chapter this morning while I was getting ready And I think I think lots of good things right like Lots of stuff that ties into everything that, that we've been thinking about. And the, one of the first things he talks about is being able to, being able to focus on the things that you can control.

Sarah:

Yeah, that's it. That's a big part of it. And I know that we've talked about it before but I feel like it's worth saying again the big thing in this book is faux pas, which I think we talked about at the beginning of our adventure here And that's fear. of people's opinions Be thubbin

Chris:

And, I think chapter one is a great story about, your favorite composer, who's your favorite composer or the rest of us call him Beethoven.

Sarah:

Yeah, whatever. You know that in, in this first chapter, there was also mention of Yosemite.

Chris:

I heard that as well.

Sarah:

Because the was climbing Yosemite.

Chris:

Yosemite to the rest of us,

Sarah:

So it's Beethoven.

Chris:

right? It's Beethoven and, Beethoven's secret is the name of the chapter. I believe.

Sarah:

Yeah, and I was really intrigued. I was like, what's his secret? that's interesting. Let's find out what his secret is and he was deaf which I did not know and I feel Like I knew this at some point in my life But it was one of those things like geography or the UK that I just didn't care enough about To keep in the noggin, like it's one of the things that got sent out when I was trying to make space. And so when I read it, that's literally the first note I have for chapter one in my notes is I had no clue that Beethoven was deaf. None. None.

Chris:

That's hilarious. Hilarious.

Sarah:

it's not like he was born deaf though.

Chris:

no. He lost his hearing.

Sarah:

happened over time. but yeah. So this was learning experience for me. but they talk about, how Beethoven had a huge fear of others opinions. and at first that really wasn't working out for him. He socially isolated himself so he didn't have to deal with it. and that, then they started talking about, the daddy issues.

Chris:

His dad was a dick.

Sarah:

yeah. And it basically conditioned him to believe that there was no love to be had unless he was performing. There's no love to be had unless other people thought you were worth it.

Chris:

yeah, what a shame. What a shame.

Sarah:

Yeah, I wrote here, Parenting Lesson of the Day. Let's not make love a direct result of a child's performance and achievements.

Chris:

I mean it's This is hard, right? Like I remember when Olivia was in like first grade, third grade, you know She's in elementary school and she you know She comes home with a B on her report card and I was like, what is this? What? You got to try harder. fifth grade, like at some point where, I thought maybe effort would be related to grades and it's interesting, that, that even today, she's I don't know what to do if I'm going to get a C. And I was like, yeah, sorry about that. the older you get, the less it matters. you want to do the best that you can with what you got. is really the trick and being able to make sure that they're like functioning humans, at the same time, you don't base your love on their performance in any one specific area, like just try to do a good, try to take the gifts and talents that you have and make the most of them.

Sarah:

Yeah, it's tough. It's a tough balance because you don't want them to just be lazy fucks and you want them to put the effort forth when you know they're smart enough, but you also don't want it to be. That's what it's all about. And that's the only thing that it's about. it makes me think of my one Facebook post like other moms. Talking about getting all A's and eating your broccoli and whatnot. And then there's me over there going, just don't be an asshole.

Chris:

Right.

Sarah:

I feel like that's pretty much what I have focused on. However, I do get I'm fine with B's. The C's are annoying to me because I know that he can do better than that. And the only reason he's, he got a C was because he didn't do his homework. that's different. But with Beethoven, it was literally the only way he got any love. From his dad

Chris:

A bit different. Bit different.

Sarah:

if he was, performing and then that performance, that was that raped in his. His status, right? Am I saying that? so that's what he based everything on throughout his whole life. And then he felt how will people, what will people think if I'm standing there and they can hear some music in the background and they make mention of it and I can't hear it. So instead of facing that, I'm just going to go ahead and, sit alone at home. And that's it.

Chris:

the conclusion of the chapter I think is the thing, like it's a whole, it's a whole story about how he tries to hide it and how he tries to run away from it. And some of the background about why, like my worth is completely based on me being a skilled performer and having this position in society. And his perception is that if I don't. if I let people know that I'm deaf, I won't have that. And then who am I if I'm not the person? And I think at the end, and correct me if I'm wrong,'cause I might've dipped out about five minutes early from the recording, like at the end, he discovers that the thing that he, the thing that he can control is the music that he can make in his head when he's focusing on that and the music that he can make in his head. And. Share with the world is the thing that's the most important, right? It's the, if I can do this, then my success and other people's opinion matters so much less than me being able to exist in my head and compose this music and who cares, who knows, like who cares, who knows, and being able to get to that point. yeah, I think is the, like the whole chapter one is about, Hey, here's a good example of once you let go of the kind of, hang up of worrying about what other people are going to think, and you can focus on the stuff that you can control and change and the stuff that matters to you, then you are happier, more fulfilled and more successful.

Sarah:

Yeah, that's pretty much it. just like Michael Gervais says in the introduction, just like any self help, the first step is acceptance. And like FOPO, you need to recognize that it's there. And what he's going to do throughout this book is talk about how we can use FOPO to as an advantage to ourselves. So it's not something that we just ignore, but it's something that we can accept and Try to understand better and make it positive,

Chris:

It's the,

Sarah:

lives and Beethoven, I wrote this, what he, his basic acceptance of it is what he wrote and it was, I would have put an end to my life, only art it was that withheld me. It seemed possible, impossible to leave the world until I had produced all that I felt called upon me to produce. Patience, they say, is what I must now choose for my guide, and I have done so.

Chris:

yeah, I like that. B7 smart guy.

Sarah:

yeah, smart guy. So he finally said, fuck it. I know I have more to offer, and so I'm going to take the one thing I can control, and that's my patience, and figuring it all out, and that's what I'm going to give the world.

Chris:

Yeah, exactly. looking at, looking at, shit. I hate it when I lose the thought. I'm totally distracted by 800 things that just wandered into my mind. nevermind. I

Sarah:

With this book, the first rule of mastery, it's really these first couple of chapters or the introduction and the first chapter is really just talking about Foucault, about mastery and how he, he being Michael Gervais, defines mastery as the inner directed life externally expressed. So you're able to look more internally, than. externally.

Chris:

and using your FOPO as like the string to pull on, like, why am I afraid? What, like when you feel that coming up, when you feel that, oh, I don't want anyone to know this, or I don't, I'm afraid of what people might think if I do this. what is he, what is the example in the introduction? Like not sharing an idea in the meeting? Like what,

Sarah:

that's exactly what I was thinking because I do that shit all the time, even like a one on one meeting. Sometimes I'm like, Oh, I'm not going to say it. Cause I'm not smart enough. And then someone else brings it up and I'm like, Yeah. I was thinking that dammit mother. And what's funny is Owen asked me last night what I was reading and I told him and, I said, stop worrying about what other people think of you. And he smiled and he was like, I'm pretty good at some of that already. He's definitely good at not giving a fuck what his hair looks like, what his clothes look like his outward appearance, he does not give a shit about. And then we started chatting about it and I was like, yeah, there's a lot that you really can do. Don't give two shits about what other people think of you. And I love that for you. It's but this weekend we also saw some things that I think you pulled back on because you were afraid you were going to fuck it up. And he was like, true. And I said, yeah, I think, in a couple instances within your games, you didn't do what I know that you can do because you were afraid. That you are going to mess it up. You didn't hold the ball as long as you could have. You wanted to get rid of the ball because you were afraid that you were going to fuck it up if you held it.

Chris:

Olivia and I have this talk still to this day. I'm like, don't believe, just believe.

Sarah:

So you know what to do. You're given instructions and you can't be afraid to try those instructions out.

Chris:

right? Yep.

Sarah:

but that's, there were a few other, what was the, what's the word, a few other quotes throughout the end of it, throughout all of it that just makes sense. Like the more we value things outside of our control, the less control we actually have. And that's the big part of it is looking at the things and finding the things that you can control, obsessing over the things that you can't control. It's just making. Your mind batty.

Chris:

right. it takes away from the energy that you could spend on the things that you can change. If you're like, I think about, spending so much time worrying about, worrying about what people at the gym back in the day would think about my outfit.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

Okay, now instead of writing out like a workout plan, I'm like, okay, I can wear the, if I wear these shorts, then I have to wear these other shorts over top. So then no one can see my butt. I don't want to wear that t shirt because it's got like a logo on it. there's, I don't want people to think I really like sandwiches that much.

Sarah:

Oh, I love sandwiches. The thing I really thought about was How this is a constant in my life and how it just changes areas

Chris:

huh.

Sarah:

Like my outward appearance. I was very worried about that, you know earlier in life I still like to look presentable But that's mostly because it makes me feel better. I just feel like I, I do better. I feel better when I'm presentable. at the age of 23, daddy's wonderful words of no one gives a shit about you. That was huge for me. And I've been able to embrace that in a lot of parts of my life, except for when it comes to my confidence in being a smart person, like that's where I still really worry about what other people think of me, I can't say that cause it's probably dumb. And I preface a ton of shit at work and with other people like this is probably dumb, but like I know I have a cold sore on my face just so you know, I know.

Chris:

No, I think there's a there's a difference Like if I point it out, then you don't have to spend 15 minutes worrying about whether or not I

Sarah:

yeah,

Chris:

I can it's

Sarah:

if I tell you I'm dumb first, you don't have to feel bad about telling me I'm dumb, but I want you to know that this isn't the thought I'm having cause it might be not dumb.

Chris:

I have a thought

Sarah:

Yeah, I really that's something that I really need to work on.

Chris:

I hide the, the hesitation and the doubt with the phrase. Does that make sense?

Sarah:

I do that as well Am I making sense? Is this making sense? I feel like it's not

Chris:

that make sense? Like I'm looking at you and I'm struggling to complete my thought because I'm really nervous about what I'm trying to say. So instead I'll just pause really quickly and ask you if it makes sense. Does it make sense? Idiot.

Sarah:

Yeah, so it's something like and I for a while was Prided? Prided? I

Chris:

I

Sarah:

really thought I had the propo under control because a large part of my life, I really,

Chris:

I do.

Sarah:

I do. I, you have your opinion of me because you are a human being and you're allowed to have that opinion of me, but I'm not going to let that make any difference in my life. Like you're allowed to have that opinion. And if you don't like me, then you don't have to like me. That's okay. I'm cool on that front. But when it comes to my own intelligence, I have. major faux pas. So it's always a work in progress.

Chris:

I think that's what's going to be fun about finishing this book in a couple of weeks is being able to continue to poke at that bruise, right? Like I know I shouldn't, like I know no one gives a shit about me. So where are the areas where this is still a thing and why is it a thing? Like being able at, what did, what does he say? The string to pull on, right? I think being able to use that as the string to pull on is going to be. Is going to be really interesting, like

Sarah:

string to pull on like the string on the Christmas ornament. You just pull a little bit and you keep pulling and pulling. And eventually there's, you're just left with this foam ball.

Chris:

you end up with a whole handful of silk.

Sarah:

Wow, look at there. Look what I found underneath there.

Chris:

Your mother's don't do that. Those are

Sarah:

Stop.

Chris:

We've had them for 15 years.

Sarah:

And a little hook, like one of the little hooks would always grab onto another one.

Chris:

Oh yeah. Oh, disaster. And I feel like we had the same artificial Christmas tree for 35 years,

Sarah:

at least. Yeah.

Chris:

yet I can't keep one for more than three.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

I don't know. Anyway,

Sarah:

know.

Chris:

All right. how do we feel right now? I think that's probably a good spot to end on. I think we've talked enough about the FOPO

Sarah:

Yeah. As you can see outside the window, the sun has come up. So I believe that it is time to move on to regular daily activities,

Chris:

Yep.

Sarah:

be fun because I was off work on Friday and off work yesterday. It's back to work for me. So this is always a fun thing because I don't know if I've mentioned it before. I'm really fucking good at being on vacation.

Chris:

if there were a job skill we could list it for me, it would be, not being in the office.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really good at ignoring emails and not paying attention to any teams messages. yeah. So if anybody ever needs advice on how to be on vacation, let me know. I will give you a lesson in that. So therefore, since I'm really good at being on vacation, I have lots of emails to go through and lots of team messages that I have already clicked on. So it, because I can't stand them looking all unread just while I'm sitting here.

Chris:

Fascinating. All right. I got to go talk to a guy about a contract and then we got to talk to a lady who doesn't understand it in 20 minutes.

Sarah:

Oh, that's so fun. That is so fun. I did get an email. I got an email from someone on LinkedIn about a new job.

Chris:

There you go. That's probably not a scam at all.

Sarah:

No, it might actually be one that I'm interested in and not a scam.

Chris:

Get out. Oh, I love when that happens

Sarah:

yeah, so I was reading that right before you sent the invite for the meeting to start. So that's the

Chris:

it's not from like a Nigerian Prince asking you for your bank account information though, right?

Sarah:

No, I dream of that one all the time. It never seems to happen to me. Yeah, no,

Chris:

please be legit. Please Nigerian. Just give me all of the money, please

Sarah:

no. Every, yeah, no. Everything was in the email. I didn't have to click on links and give them my bank account number or anything.

Chris:

Perfect. No, I love it. Love it

Sarah:

Okay. I love you. Have a great day, your conference and all that shit. and being important.

Chris:

Here I am.

Sarah:

Oh, wait, I had one more thing to note about work. I'm sad about, there's some traveling. People are in Montreal this week and I wasn't invited.

Chris:

Aww. I'm so sorry.

Sarah:

Yeah, the ERP analysts, which we have been involved for the last two years in this yearly meeting, we got left out this year,

Chris:

it's probably budget.

Sarah:

which kind of leaves me with a feeling of, yeah, I guess we don't really add enough to be a part of it, which is probably true. Um, which maybe I should question more, but I really don't, I'm just sad that I won't be there to drink with my friends

Chris:

Right.

Sarah:

and this is, the, I'm going through a little bit of FOMO.

Chris:

Oh, FOMO.

Sarah:

Fucking have fun without me. And I don't like it.

Chris:

That, that is also hilarious. I would like nothing more than to be at home for more than three weeks

Sarah:

yeah, no. And now that like yesterday I had the day off, they were all traveling and I got the house clean, like I'm fine with it other than the fact that they're going to have fun without me. But at the end of the day, this is really much better.

Chris:

It is.

Sarah:

And at four o'clock I could be like peace while they're deciding where they're going to have to go to dinner and continue to. Act professional for a little bit.

Chris:

Yep, that's it. the day will start at 6am. The day will end at 10pm.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Nope. Not this girl

Chris:

Ugh, I'm already tired.

Sarah:

I might just stay in my pajamas all day just to rebel

Chris:

I'm gonna go change my blouse.

Sarah:

Not even gonna put on a fucking bra

Chris:

I have a bra on. I'm gonna go change my blouse. Alright, love you.

Sarah:

Love you. Bye

Chris:

Love you, bye.

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Christine Kanalis

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Sarah Leibhart

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