The Mental Funny Bone

Episode 35: Meditation Makes Me Smart

• Gaster Girls • Season 3 • Episode 10

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In this lively episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' Sarah and Christine dive into their experiences balancing ambition and mindfulness, peppered with hearty laughter and personal anecdotes. While disclaiming their non-professional status in mental health, they discuss misheard song lyrics, humorous emails from fans, nostalgic college memories, and cherished moments with their relatives. They also talk about their younger years, sharing a memorable bathroom mishap story. The central theme focuses on the delicate balance between being ambitious and staying mindful, drawing insights from Dan Harris' book '10% Happier.' They explore practical mindfulness techniques, values, and the significance of being kind and striving to do something awesome. The episode ends on a reflective note, emphasizing the importance of balancing ambition and mindfulness to lead a fulfilling life.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Sarah:

Hello and welcome to the Mental Funny Bone. Becoming the Gaster Girls, I'm Sarah.

Chris:

And I'm Christine and I would like to point out that although Sarah and I are not mental health professionals, we do have experience, working, in various areas where we are experts. And, and we know a thing or two about mental health. If you, if you need to schedule appointments with a medical professional, feel free to look at our links and, and please do that.

Sarah:

Amen.

Chris:

We are capable and competent.

Sarah:

Yes, we are. Damn it. Who was the guy on Saturday Night Live, Stuart Smiley?

Chris:

Stuart Smalley.

Sarah:

Smally. Oh, wow. Stop fucking with your hair. Stop fucking with your hair. Wait, do we want to start with misword, misheard words?

Chris:

Yes, please.

Sarah:

while reading the book, 10 percent Happier, I realized that it's karma chameleon.

Chris:

What did you think it was?

Sarah:

kama. Kama where? Are you calling the, are you calling the chameleon? kama chameleon.

Chris:

Come on. C apostrophe M O N?

Sarah:

Yeah, come on, chameleon. Like I read it and I was like, Oh, he's being funny. And I was like, wait a second, that's actually in the name of it. And I had to Google it.

Chris:

You're like, goddamn, Dan Harris doesn't know the name of this song.

Sarah:

yeah, I was like, wow, that is yeah, there you have it. There is my dumb assness to start the call. Other than that, I'm very capable though.

Chris:

yeah, lovable. I'm lovable and capable. my friend Stacy and I made those signs senior year at Bethany College when I had to take psychology of love in order to graduate

Sarah:

I still think that's just funny in general.

Chris:

because, not because I had flunked anything, because I had taken too many math classes.

Sarah:

Yeah, common. This is a common problem. people are like, Hey, I love the math. Nope. That's just you. That's actually just

Chris:

Imagine my shock and surprise when they were like, you're two credits short of graduating. I'm like, I cannot be. I have taken all of the

Sarah:

I could

Chris:

I had differential equations.

Sarah:

and dance for non dancers.

Chris:

That was second semester, senior year. That was a beautiful semester. It's that whole series of events like January to May started off with psychology of love, which I needed to take to graduate. And then just got better and better dance for non dancers, racquetball, weightlifting. history of sports, which I think I had, independent study. So I didn't have to go to class. I just had to turn in papers to my soccer coach.

Sarah:

Wow.

Chris:

And then I had, Principles of Economics, which was a, Econ 101. And I took that pass, fail,

Sarah:

I love the economics.

Chris:

pass, fail.

Sarah:

that. And,

Chris:

I had to get a D.

Sarah:

knows how the economics works

Chris:

No, it's a mystery. I bet there's five guys, nobody that listening to this path podcast knows how the

Sarah:

somebody has the explanation and it's in a safe somewhere and there's just, there's two,

Chris:

You have to solve a

Sarah:

guarding it.

Chris:

something like the Da Vinci code.

Sarah:

yeah, there we go, we should write that movie.

Chris:

Bill and Ted solved the economic crisis by conquering two monks in a da Vinci code.

Sarah:

I think it's perfect.

Chris:

Oh, my

Sarah:

for current circumstances, I think it, it tracks.

Chris:

it would not surprise me. The Netflix documentary about how the economic details are stored in a container, a puzzle,

Sarah:

Actually, it might be guarded by Bill and Ted.

Chris:

My God, that is,

Sarah:

I don't know. All right. Okay.

Chris:

fan mail.

Sarah:

Do we have any? I haven't looked at it

Chris:

I don't know if you've

Sarah:

this week.

Chris:

but I have,

Sarah:

Okay. give me the

Chris:

I, you are going to be you're going to be so touched,

Sarah:

Oh, yay. Let me, I get, I'm getting in there now. I'm sorry, everybody. I'm on vacation this week, so I tend to stay away from the computer.

Chris:

um, Kim D wants to know where the butcher shop is, so I will have to reply to her with, you drive past it every time you go there.

Sarah:

Stop. Stop. Okay. Listen. Listen. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

Chris:

it's a real segment of our show now.

Sarah:

we got five fucking emails and they're from different people. It's not five emails from Elaine. It's all different people.

Chris:

It's not just, four way to go girls from Kim D and three Irish recipes from Elaine. It's, they're real.

Sarah:

my God, I'm so excited. This is, we are, it's almost like our names are in the phone book. somebody. Wow. This

Chris:

We are

Sarah:

we're not even going to have time to talk about all of the notes I have about the book because we have to give so much love to the fan mail. I'm overwhelmed. So you need to start, you need to talk about it.

Chris:

All right. Kim D wants to know where the butcher shop is. she

Sarah:

She passes it right on the way to the high school, doesn't she?

Chris:

yeah. you go right by it. depending on what way she's getting to the high school.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah, probably

Chris:

no idea. There's more than one way to,

Sarah:

on 88.

Chris:

she's probably going up through, she might be going through Mariana. Who knows? Who knows? I don't know I barely can get to the high school.

Sarah:

Yeah, I just find those paws.

Chris:

right. How do I

Sarah:

follow them.

Chris:

Do I turn here? I guess

Sarah:

long as I can make it to a paw. Where the paws start, I'm good.

Chris:

so for those of you who don't go to school around here, the seniors will decorate the streets, in these parts with, bulldog paws, like the prints from the puppy paws, only they're huge, like six feet, six feet, wide. So that way you know how to get to the school because the paws will take you to the school. They're, directional. If you will, so every summer they go out and they paint them. The seniors do or the cheerleaders or

Sarah:

So now that I'm thinking about it though, is it to the school or is it to the field?

Chris:

not sure. Like I

Sarah:

school and the field are not at the

Chris:

Oh, This Kim D does not go past the, cause that's it.

Sarah:

all that matters is football out in the country.

Chris:

right? we, don't know how to get to this

Sarah:

I have no clue where the fucking high school is.

Chris:

Nobody knows how to get to the building where the learning takes place. just where we play the football games.

Sarah:

Yeah, Kim, we'll just have to look up that address for you and send it to you. you must go down and get a piece of chicken. They do have, and they're little potato wedge thingies, like normally not my thing because I like McDonald's crunchy, salty French fry. This though, the batter or outside, whatever it is, it's delightful. So you need to get some chicken and the little potato things.

Chris:

You might not even need the chicken.

Sarah:

Yeah, you can just get the potato things

Chris:

the chicken is an excuse to get the potatoes, I think. All of their prepared foods are delicious. if you're a kielbasa fan, you might want to pick up some kielbasa because they make that stuff on their own. It will, I will say it will stay with You

Sarah:

You can

Chris:

for a couple of days. I wouldn't eat that if I was gonna hang out with people that didn't know me.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

I, I will burp up kielbasa forever. And it smells so bad.

Sarah:

it smells like a kibossy fart. Like it smells like a combination between a fart and kibossy. Mostly kibossy with just a little extra bit of fart in it. Bleh. And it comes out of your mouth. It's disgusting.

Chris:

It's amazing.

Sarah:

I say your mouth, I mean you, Christine.

Chris:

Yeah, I

Sarah:

I'm, not like generalizing, just,

Chris:

I know you mean me specifically. Do you remember the time I had P. F. Chang's and burped in the back seat?

Sarah:

Ugh! I think that was the first time that I really understood the foulness of your burps. that's the first time I declared that your burps are without a doubt worse than your farts.

Chris:

It's true. It's

Sarah:

It was offensive. It was fucking offensive.

Chris:

And all I could do was giggle. I

Sarah:

And that's exactly what you did. And I was going, Oh my God, roll down a fucking window, bury my face.

Chris:

Hilarious.

Sarah:

Oh, the good old days.

Chris:

oh, and, I got an email, from Ryan.

Sarah:

oh,

Chris:

he addresses it to both of us, but then he says, that I am awesome. And, he apologizes for not taking the time to tell me that I am awesome, because mostly his stuff is directed at you.

Sarah:

that's true. shout out to Ryan. but he should probably focus more on me at all times, but go ahead.

Chris:

absolutely. he does, because he calls me Christina in the email.

Sarah:

Ah,

Chris:

okay. That's

Sarah:

Ryan. Ryan.

Chris:

David's ex wife is Christina.

Sarah:

the ex wife is Christina. You're Christine. Me. But Ryan, you know what? You can call us whatever the fuck you want to call us. If you keep sending us emails. Number one fan mailer.

Chris:

shit. and it's not just a love what you're doing email. It's, there's meat to the bone here. And I am calling Ryan the bone. So meat to the bone.

Sarah:

you gonna read it? Can we read it?

Chris:

we're going to, I'm going to summarize, cause there's a couple of things. And, Brian talks about neuroplasticity, because we were talking about neuroplasticity and that's the science behind meditation that you change the way that you interact with your own brain. And, he went to a supply chain conference recently,

Sarah:

Sounds riveting.

Chris:

which makes me think maybe my job isn't the most boring.

Sarah:

riveting. I bet there was a lot of drinking. anytime I hear conference, I just think, God, I hope it was in a good place

Chris:

right,

Sarah:

lot. That's really the only reason I like work travel. Yeah.

Chris:

Like when I hear a conference, I'm like, Oh, please don't let it be in Hoboken. it would be fine. I would like to explore Hoboken. I've been there once. It's fine. but it's different than, Key West. It's different vibe. So he is excited about neuroplasticity and he offers us this suggestion. grab your toothbrush, wet it. this is what you do when you brush your teeth. You grab your toothbrush, you wet it, you put the toothpaste on, you brush your teeth. he said, there's no reason to wet your toothbrush before you put the toothpaste on because you're going to wet it after, there's no need to wet it twice. And he said that, just try, not wetting it first. And see and watch how your brain makes that change slowly over time, right? it, just takes consistency. and then he wants to talk about holiday foods.

Sarah:

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

ever since he married, that our number two fan mailer, Shawna, they've had candied sweet potatoes as the one side dish that needs to be there for the holidays. Sarah, he believes you've tasted them.

Sarah:

I Don't know if I've tasted those I have tasted and fallen in love with the candied bacon that he makes

Chris:

Ooh, that also sounds delicious. And I am pulling up a memory from the databanks of your grandmother making candy dams. So I'm thinking it's the same thing.

Sarah:

Oh, like the whole yam that was in like a syrupy, the syrupy, those were good.

Chris:

Yeah. That's good stuff.

Sarah:

were good. Ryan, I am expecting that you're going to, it's when you listen, this will be Thanksgiving day when we release this gobble.

Chris:

too late.

Sarah:

so Ryan, let's, I don't know, just drop off some candied yams at the house or candied sweet potatoes or yams and sweet potatoes are the same thing.

Chris:

I don't know. I had there, there are questions that I'm going to continue to refuse to answer. is such and such part of the UK. I don't know.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

I'm gonna quit pretending I have knowledge, I don't.

Sarah:

is it. Cup or cuff?

Chris:

I don't know. I don't know. This is, this is where I think that when Olivia is older, she'll be able to tell me all of these things. Like when I have surgery on my rotator cuff that

Sarah:

And I couldn't remember what the first word was. I was like shoulder cup. That doesn't

Chris:

No, shoulder cups, not it.

Sarah:

That's definitely not it.

Chris:

I'm just going to start admitting. I don't know stuff.

Sarah:

I'm really good at that. Really good at it.

Chris:

but I'm like, traditionally, I'm not like, I will give you an answer. Hey, is the Dominican Republic in the UK? Yeah, absolutely.

Sarah:

And I would say, okay.

Chris:

I thought it was, I thought it was in the UK. nobody knows. and I also love the, their child's name, Gage. Gage and his friends request the, candied sweet potatoes and I'm all for it. If you can get a kid to eat a sweet potato, a yam.

Sarah:

they don't. You read it wrong. They don't request the candied sweet potatoes. They request the Buffalo chicken dip.

Chris:

Oh, the buffalo chip. Yeah. that makes lots more sense. Lots more sense. Yeah. I was in a hurry. I just cut that whole part of the screen

Sarah:

You did. Yeah.

Chris:

It's maybe why I don't know anything anymore. The, whether or not the Dominican Republic is in the UK is somewhere on that side of the screen. I didn't read it.

Sarah:

It's fine. It's fine. And, and we have plans to go to DJs for some ribs.

Chris:

It's on

Sarah:

that on your calendar. Okay. I can't wait to, can't wait to find out what excuse you come up with to not go. Super excited about it.

Chris:

I, here's the thing. I want to go. I want to go. I and I am excited. I'm excited to go until it comes to that day. And have to figure out how long it's going to take me to get there. How long it's going to take me to get ready. By the time I do that, it's already too late for me to get ready. And then I have to decide if I want to go looking I did. Yoga in my living room.

Sarah:

So here's what we're going to do. I am going to, on that day, set several reminders to call you and make sure you're getting ready. So you can't use that as an excuse. and it's a Friday, so you can just come up here and go with us and then stay here. Cause that would be fun. You never do that, but that would be fun. Oh, excuse me.

Chris:

God bless you. So glad it's not smell o vision and it wasn't me. Alright, so that's Ryan's email. Ryan,

Sarah:

Great email, Ryan, that I think that's the best one. So not only did we get five, but we got one of the best ones. Cause this was a lot of info and not just like you guys are awesome. Like the neuroplasticity stuff. I love that. So damn, we're having a great fan mail day. I'm, I can't even,

Chris:

and Elaine swoops in, apparently saving me from myself. she also suggests, getting everybody money for Christmas. Instead of buying them, waiting till the very last minute and buying them things I want.

Sarah:

Yeah, I feel like that's,

Chris:

I can get a happy light, and she sent me a

Sarah:

is a

Chris:

buy a happy light? it's a UV light.

Sarah:

Oh yeah.

Chris:

sad because it's dark at 630. Literally,

Sarah:

that give you a tan too? Wouldn't that be awesome if

Chris:

oh my god, amazing, just on my face. just on my face?

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

Everything else is pale as shit. I'm actually see through. I'm in. Thank you, Eileen. I appreciate

Sarah:

Yeah. And money is awesome. Mary gets so annoyed. Cause she's what does Owen want? Nothing. What does he need? He certainly fucking needs nothing. he wants everything. Let me rephrase that. but just give him money.

Chris:

I, David has a very special gift picked out for Owen,

Sarah:

oh good. Yeah, Owen wants welding shit. he actually does have a list of shit, but he wants all welding shit. And I'm still trying to figure out where he's gonna weld here. I guess we have to clear out the garage. Fuck you. He's not welding in my basement.

Chris:

Just on the pool table.

Sarah:

No. and yeah, and Noah's I don't know what, I was like, we're gonna have, we're gonna have to clear out the garage, I don't know. Can he just weld out in the driveway?

Chris:

I don't know. I don't know anything about welding. Thank you,

Sarah:

Neither do I.

Chris:

I think when I was Owen's age, I got the whole Lord of the Rings set of books.

Sarah:

I shouldn't laugh because it's made you who you are and you're like the smartest person I know and super successful. So I should not laugh when you say, absurdly nerdy things.

Chris:

That wasn't even the nerdy thing I was gonna say.

Sarah:

Oh God.

Chris:

was the, preamble.

Sarah:

what's nerdier? Yeah.

Chris:

Christmas break reading The whole thing. And from the moment I woke up in the morning until someone forced me to eat lunch, and I would hopefully be able to take the sandwich back into the living room in that pink wing back chair. That had to be the most uncut, but I would be like upside down. My legs would be up by the wings, like my head would be on one side, my feet would be on the

Sarah:

you didn't want to put your head, you don't want to lean your head back on it. Cause daddy's head grease mark was there.

Chris:

Nah, this was before. This was when it was in the, nobody sit in that living

Sarah:

oh, okay. This is before we started sitting in that chair. Okay.

Chris:

But the entire break, that was like, and it was 10 days of nothing but me reading about elves and at the end of it, I was Distraught. A, because I wasn't a hobbit, and I wasn't gonna be able to marry Pippin. I was so sad.

Sarah:

And you didn't have furry feet?

Chris:

I did not. I did, but, that was different. That was another reason for me to be sad. And then I had to go back to junior high. Cause I wasn't quite in high school yet.

Sarah:

Oh yeah. Yeah. It, yeah. Owen's age is, he was 15. I can't remember what I got when I was 15. I sh, I think shit from the gap, I don't know why. That's what I remember. Like flannels and boxer shorts from Gap.

Chris:

Sure, that makes sense.

Sarah:

I feel like that tracks in what I was worried about in my life

Chris:

Lord of the Rings. Oh my gosh, and the Ents, I was like, why don't any of these trees come alive and give me life wisdom? Why? There's no epic battle for me to take part in here. There's no way I'm gonna kill a Lord of the Ringwraiths. I'm just me. And I'm not gonna marry Ah, but, stupid.

Sarah:

Man, you should have dated Hobbit Steve when we were out in Arizona.

Chris:

I was real mad when you called him that and I'm like if Somebody would have called him hobbit steve. I would have been all over it

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

not pippin Anyway, all So sidebar That was a sidebar. So we got, after Elaine's email about trying to make me not sad, which I appreciate, Jamie sent us an email. Jamie R

Sarah:

to read it now.

Chris:

us an email. I'll fix it. I'll

Sarah:

You won't. You say you will all the time and you won't. Send her a text to make sure it's alright that you said her fucking last name. Okay.

Chris:

even her last name anymore.

Sarah:

it's the original last name.

Chris:

It's her real name.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

This imposter name where she got married. Crazy.

Sarah:

I'll stop interrupting you.

Chris:

and

Sarah:

reading it while you're talking.

Chris:

she's, she's catching up. So she's listening to all the episodes, which just amazes me when people do that. Like you, that's a lot of us. That's a lot of us.

Sarah:

Yeah. That's what Noah did. It's pretty shocking. And then he still wanted to talk to me like after he finished and got caught up. It's

Chris:

yeah, I don't understand. she is so happy that we put it on YouTube and she can see what we look like. And if you guys are watching me on YouTube, I have a pimple. I didn't notice. Until I got on

Sarah:

up.

Chris:

line here. It's right on my nose I can't stop touching it. It doesn't hurt or it doesn't, it might just be from my new glasses, but there you go. there's a mark on my nose. I'm just gonna put my glasses back on that way. You don't see it. There we are. so she's been running around telling the addict joke.

Sarah:

Oh my God. Addicted.

Chris:

it's hilarious,

Sarah:

it's, yeah. And I was told, it was told to me by a fifth grader.

Chris:

but it's the best part. It's the best part. Like the astonishment with which you would look at a fifth grader. Do you want to tell it for people who haven't listened to that episode? Maybe?

Sarah:

Yeah. I hope I can tell it right. I forget. so you're going to have to partake.

Chris:

Sure.

Sarah:

so after everything I say, you say, or what did I, yeah, you say addicted.

Chris:

Okay. Yeah.

Sarah:

So what is it when you're, is that how it starts? I tell you what to say, right? Okay. So what is it when, what am I? Cause I smoke the cigarettes.

Chris:

Oh, addicted.

Sarah:

what am I? Cause I like to drink the beer.

Chris:

Addicted.

Sarah:

What hit you in the face this morning?

Chris:

Addicted.

Sarah:

I tell it different every time, but it's,

Chris:

get it. They get it. It's

Sarah:

And I hugged him. That's, that was my reaction as a parent. I hugged him.

Chris:

it takes a village. Some of

Sarah:

I love it. Love a good dick joke.

Chris:

from a 5th grader. From a 10 year old.

Sarah:

Yep. It's awesome.

Chris:

Jamie then goes on to tell us that the stuff we're talking about is really important and, she agrees that it's nice to know that you're not alone out here struggling with some of these things. And, she had the opportunity to have a conversation with her daughter about purpose driven and performance driven and the difference between the two and finding what makes you happy, and why. And she said that, her daughter would often discount what makes her happy and just go for what, what gets her the kudos. So just having that performance mindset and striving to have a purpose mindset. So she wants us to keep up the great work and, she wants to thank us for the time and the thoughtfulness that we pour into it. And to be honest, right there, just saying that line, I got a little, I got a little teary eyed because. every time I think what we're doing is dumb and stupid and the only people who are listening, are our friends or that it even that's not important, someone will send us a, an email like this and I'll remember that. Yeah, it's nice for us to connect with our friends. And it's nice for us to know that other people are out there doing the same dumb stuff that we're doing and trying to get through life, but it is also important for us to Bring that to the podcast and say hey Everyone else is going through the same shit that you're going through even if you're

Sarah:

I really love the, Oh, what did I do? I really love this one. I just I love the fact that this led to a conversation with her daughter and that makes my heart even happier. Through her, we're reaching her daughter and it, that's stuff. that's pretty fucking cool.

Chris:

I know I like it. I like it. And I said I have wrote her an email today Because I that's what, I do

Sarah:

what you do. Yeah.

Chris:

it made me cry a little bit so in case you hear this before In case you make it all the way to episode 35 before Thursday, Jamie, thanks. it's nice to get emails like this and, yeah, I hope that's what a lot of people are taking away from these things. yeah, sometimes we get feedback and they're like, Hey, listen to the podcast. And I'm like, Oh, okay.

Sarah:

Awesome. Sweet.

Chris:

Great. Good. All right. Moving on. I made turkey sandwich for lunch. So that one was from, from Jamie and, and, we sent an email and boners. I want to let you know that things are going so well for us here that we're opening up an internship spot,

Sarah:

I didn't laugh. I didn't laugh. We're going to have a real intern.

Chris:

right? Heaven help us all. Yes. But on the tails, on the tail of, Jamie's email, I think that all sounds great. I like it when the universe presents us with things like having an extra person to help us out for a couple hours a week, and it's a renewed focus from the two of us. And. People providing us just the tiniest bit of feedback. Again, we need the feedback, but we only need a teeny weeny little bit of it. And then we're off to the races, because we know we're pretty awesome anyway.

Sarah:

Yeah. So keep sending it in. Keep sending it in.

Chris:

Exactly. Alright, how was your week? How was your week?

Sarah:

here's what I have to talk about this week.

Chris:

Is it your eyelashes? Because you're

Sarah:

I'm getting this

Chris:

combing them.

Sarah:

right. I'm getting them done tomorrow

Chris:

Yeah, carry on.

Sarah:

so what I would like to talk about is and to be an uncle Sam,

Chris:

Oh, for a very special episode of the Mental Funny Bone.

Sarah:

shout out to Yvonne and Mike. they listened to the podcast. our great aunt and uncle, moved down to North Carolina this weekend, this past weekend. So me and Noah and Owen went down to say goodbye and, Aunt Bina's 92, Uncle Sam's 91,

Chris:

106,

Sarah:

something like that. and they're killing it. They're still fucking killing it. And I can tell you. With 100 percent certainty, I have never seen Aunt Dabena interact with us the way that she did on Friday. She was telling story after story. to start with, I took all of her cornyware and she was super excited that I did that because she just wanted someone to take it. so that was, step one. And Noah kept saying not to take shit and she kept telling him to shut up.

Chris:

sounds right, yeah. That tracks.

Sarah:

Yeah. So she was, stories that I haven't heard,

Chris:

I love

Sarah:

great stories. It was, it was a really great visit. And, I did not realize that she has lived in the same house. For 92 years, she was born in that house.

Chris:

Really? Wait, really?

Sarah:

Yes, feel free Yvonne, feel free to write in and tell us a wrong or give us a text. But I am, I'm 99, like closest you could get to a hundred percent sure that she, that's where their family was.

Chris:

And then they moved to street over.

Sarah:

that was her growing up house.

Chris:

oh, I am.

Sarah:

she was born there. That was their family. And then, Peppa and Pappa and grandma moved to a street over, and I forget, I did ask, but I can't remember. Uncle Vincent May have lived there for a half a second. And then they moved to Ohio. yeah, but she, so that, the amazing part of that is that she has never lived anywhere else. take me and the amount I move and how much I love it. And the exact opposite,

Chris:

90 in the same house.

Sarah:

same house.

Chris:

And I was just. Olivia and I were just talking about how she's about to embark on a series of moves every six months for the next decade. You are going to move every six months for the next decade. I was like, I would give you this stand mixer, but You're going to have to, it's heavy.

Sarah:

you're gonna have to move that a bunch. but we talked and then we talked about, we, before we even went down to Anthropenus, we actually were talking about taking a bath back in the day.

Chris:

Oh my God.

Sarah:

Do you know, so when daddy was growing up, they just had the big steel or whatever it is, tub. You know what I'm talking about? Okay. and it would get filled up with it. They would get the water. They'd boil the water, get it all hot, and then put it in the tub. and you all, you got a bath once a week and you all had to do it the same day. And there was an order to it. daddy got in the tub and he got, they got him washed off and he's all dirty and shit. Cause everybody was just fucking dirty.

Chris:

What? It's been a

Sarah:

the dirty water just sits there and they put a little more warm water in it. And then uncle Frank gets in it. They don't drain the dirty water. They just

Chris:

no, just

Sarah:

in it just to heat it up a little bit. And then uncle Frank gets in it. Got in it. They got him clean. Just the two of them. I can only imagine how dirty that water. And then

Chris:

they're not playing inside.

Sarah:

no, they're actually playing in the coal mine.

Chris:

right. they're taking cold. They're just rubbing it on themselves.

Sarah:

And

Chris:

That is actually their playground. Like the slate dump is their playground.

Sarah:

and then pap, do his thing. Grandma was the last one. I guess the caregiver was the last one who she got the dirty water. Are you fucking kidding? You guys suck. You guys fucking sucked.

Chris:

No. Could it? no. there are days where I will shower twice. for real,

Sarah:

Yeah,

Chris:

clean enough,

Sarah:

I said, how often did you shower? How often did you bathe? He was like once a week. I was like, what?

Chris:

this sweat,

Sarah:

Once a week? Oh, dear God. Anyway, so that was and Antebena was telling stories like that, and she was like, How would you like to live then? I was like, not, no, I would not have liked to live. I, No, 100 percent not, no. And then it was time to leave, and Antebena started crying.

Chris:

I

Sarah:

But I was happy that she didn't cry the whole time. She was very animated and very happy. And it was a really great visit. And then she started crying because she said, she's never going to talk to anybody ever again. And I said, here's the thing. You're moving to Raleigh. I will probably see you more now than I saw you while you were here, because I will come down to Raleigh to visit Olivia and I will end up seeing you like,

Chris:

That is

Sarah:

don't cry about never talking to me again. And then she said she was going to, and then she said she was going to be dead by then. And I said, I don't think so. Cause if anybody's making it to a hundred, it's definitely you.

Chris:

right, just based on,

Sarah:

Yeah. So my, my, my meta meditation this week has gone to aunt to be an uncle Sam,

Chris:

oh I love

Sarah:

I feel like they have a lot of, they're, they,

Chris:

A lot of change.

Sarah:

Yeah, and it's really hard. That's really hard, especially that late in life, but it's necessary and they're doing it and just kudos to Yvonne and Mike for moving them down there with them and taking care of them. that's pretty awesome. And will be fine.

Chris:

And I think you're right. I think I will see them more now than I did when they lived five minutes from me.

Sarah:

literally. Yeah, it's not. Yeah.

Chris:

two weeks when I go down to see Liv. I'll see them before Christmas. hopefully they make it till then.

Sarah:

Jesus Okay,

Chris:

there's,

Sarah:

so I feel like that can be considered our gaster growing up gaster story of the bathing we didn't grow up that way, but I don't know. Is there another gaster story that you had for this

Chris:

I will give you, I will give you a gasser, bathing story from when we were younger.

Sarah:

wait It's a little my stomach just dropped

Chris:

Mr. Bubbles? Mr. Bubbles bubble bath?

Sarah:

yeah. I thought you meant this was an actual character that we shared the tub with. Okay. I remember Mr. Bubbles.

Chris:

No, it's not. It's not Harry Potter and no,

Sarah:

the bath, the bubble bath. Yeah.

Chris:

And you would sprinkle it in the water and there would be bubbles and it would be amazing. And I think we were in the bath together.

Sarah:

there's another way to get bubbles in your bath,

Chris:

No, not that way. They wouldn't stay.

Sarah:

it was still was

Chris:

disappear. It would just disappear.

Sarah:

It would still make me laugh. Go ahead.

Chris:

and when we couldn't get, when we didn't have the Mr. bubble bath or at our grandma's house, the drift, soap, you could use Dawn, dish detergent and get a similar effect. but we couldn't have, we couldn't have bubbles every night, couldn't have bubbles every night. Cause that's too indulgent. what do we, what am I made of money? Mr. Bubbles. Are you joking? That's 9. Dollars. We're having hot dogs. We're having macaroni and cheese mixed with ground meat.

Sarah:

yum. So good. So good.

Chris:

We're having grill for dinner. No one's getting a bubble bath today. for some reason though, we had, we were in the tub together. So I'm guessing we were. You were a baby and I was not yet out of elementary school, but we figured out it

Sarah:

Go ahead.

Chris:

was sometime before fifth grade.

Sarah:

Okay. Yeah.

Chris:

and we figured out that if we, if we made waves in the bathtub, like if we sloshed back and forth in the tub,

Sarah:

us end up with a head injury?

Chris:

No. No, it's

Sarah:

Okay. Okay. Go ahead.

Chris:

even better. this is a watch jumbo loose as shit moment.

Sarah:

yeah. I don't remember this. I was too bebe.

Chris:

yeah, you were like I had to be like six or seven. So you'd like one or two, like you're barely able to sit

Sarah:

I was six months. You were just holding me. Mommy was like, get in the tub. Take your sister. I'll be back.

Chris:

outside smoking, reading a romance novel and drinking a tab.

Sarah:

Mom, we say all this in the bed. it's just funny shit. We obviously know that you did not do that, nor would you ever do that. But

Chris:

were a good

Sarah:

that vision just fucking hysterical?

Chris:

It is

Sarah:

Here, Chrissy, you take her. Yeah.

Chris:

it's not like you were seven. Like you were still a baby. Like you were two, maybe. anyway, I was apparently in charge and, what I decided is we were going to splash around in the tub by making waves, like a wave pool. And then when the waves would crash, it would make more, it would make more bubbles. I did not. calculate the height of the waves, though.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

So as we were sloshing back and forth making waves, the water was going over the side of the tub

Sarah:

yes. yeah.

Chris:

and, here's the floor in that bathroom was not, fully waterproof. as we were doing this, your mother went downstairs to take care of the laundry, and there is a Niagara Falls situation happening in the basement, and then she tells our dad. And, Jumbo gave us one, one of these, and you knew you were, you knew you were in the shit, and I knew when I was young. I think you knew, and you were barely able to speak.

Sarah:

Yeah,

Chris:

we knew we were in trouble,

Sarah:

I can see me like trying to hide behind you.

Chris:

He was like, GIRLS, STOP. And I was like, AHHHHHH. And then he came in, busted in, opened the door, and gave us the nose, The breathing. and the eyes. And then, it was, that noise was immediately followed by both of us making the gulping sound. oh shit. He was like, get out of the tub. And I'm like, we're gonna die. We're gonna die. Now,

Sarah:

it ends.

Chris:

our father never laid a hand on us that I recall. they, never, ever, and there was no empirical evidence for us dying at this point, but we knew we were in trouble. We knew we were in trouble.

Sarah:

knew it. You knew it.

Chris:

And it resulted in one of those, in one of those situations where I was, I think they, they let you off the hook. Cause you obviously weren't in charge.

Sarah:

was a baby.

Chris:

You're literally a dampen. Nita's give me the baby. I'll rock her to sleep and then put her in a crib.

Sarah:

She's fine. Did she shit in the tub? Okay.

Chris:

I'm sitting there, the hair wet, not dried, just wet in, in my pajamas. and they're like, we're not mad. We're just disappointed you. And I'm like,

Sarah:

begins.

Chris:

We're not mad, we're just disappointed.

Sarah:

Oh, man.

Chris:

even like that feeling and every time they said it after that, like it's the feel, it's the feeling. And I've said it to Olivia,

Sarah:

Oh, I've said it to Owen.

Chris:

I'm not mad.

Sarah:

I'm not mad. I just,

Chris:

Just

Sarah:

bit baffled by why you would make such a decision. And it's disappointing. Yeah. like it's true. I don't know if I follow it, the whole, you were a toddler in a tub. I'm not sure how much that's going to disappoint me, but who am I to judge parenting? Stop having fun.

Chris:

That is, that was the central theme of it is

Sarah:

And I've validly said that a ton to Owen too. Will you just stop having fun? I can't

Chris:

stop it and quit it. Knock it off.

Sarah:

watch this ID channel movie.

Chris:

It's raining in the basement where your mother is trying to do laundry. I had to stand up out of my chair and come up here.

Sarah:

Oh my.

Chris:

So that is my gaster bathtub story of the week. It's the last chapter. What's it called?

Sarah:

The name of the chapter is Hide the Zen.

Chris:

Read it. Tell us about it.

Sarah:

so this is ultimately where Dan has to really focus, Focus on the central question that he has had this whole time going through all of this, which is how do you balance the Zen? How do you balance the principles of meditation with ambition? So he gets a new boss, Ben, the new boss. And, this is he takes this approach when he, when Ben starts and he takes a more Zen approach. he wants to just chill out and see where things go and he's not going to be, he's not going to go out of his way to get on Ben's radar and whatnot. And he's just going to be Zen. And, this. Is it just because he's so zen? Because he's so zen, He's not getting the, he's not getting the call ups, the stories that he would normally get. So things have changed a lot. So he's really feels wow, I guess this is just how it's going to be. If I want to be a Zen person, if I want to have that enlightenment, and if I want to be mindful, this is how it's going to be. And, his wife stepped up and was like, yeah, no. you're literally just being a wuss. I believe that was his exact wording in the chapter. Bianca was like, no, you're just being a wuss, like you need to, and he's yeah, but I don't know how to go into his office and say, this is what I want. I want these stories. I want more. I don't know how to do it without being a dick. that's what he, he's so worried about being a dick that he doesn't want to, he calls them his dickish tendencies. So he's gone too far. And a good example of it is he was talking about how, when he finally does go in to talk to Ben and be like, Hey, I need to know what, like, how do I do this? So Bianca helped him figure out a way to actually like use words, which is amazing. Cause he's a journalist. So I feel like he should have been able to figure this out. But

Chris:

sometimes it's hard to not be a dick,

Sarah:

But yeah, so he goes in and he was like, I just basically, I don't know the, all the exact words, but he was like, I just want to know what I need to do to do better. And, Ben told him two basic things. you need to up your game and you need to stop being so Zen. And Dan was like, Okay.

Chris:

but

Sarah:

So now he's realizing that he's really realizing that he's gone so far towards being that passive individual that he's sacrificed the career that he's worked so hard for. that's where this has landed him. But it's really tough situation because He feels better about himself and he feels good, and like the, what I was getting, what I started with there, I missed it. Sorry. This meeting that he has with Ben, Ben's stop being so Zen. And Dan compares this to a meeting he had with his boss in Boston, a long time prior to this, where the boss was like, stop being such a fucking asshole. So he's gone from here to here. And now he's fuck, I need to, how do I figure it? How, where do I go

Chris:

where's the middle?

Sarah:

Yeah. I need to find, I need to find the middle. I need to get out of the, whatever, man, it's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's impermanent anyway. It's fine. so that's basically, and there's more to it. I don't know if you wanted to, to chime in. I thought you had something to say. I'm sorry.

Chris:

no, I'm just, I'm just commenting that, for a lot of us, that's the trick, right? Like, how do I not? How do I still do the shit that I need to do every day? How do I make people better workers? How do I, and it's something that, that I actually talked about this week. So one, one of, we had, we had a thing to do at work and that thing was very hard to do at work this week and, or maybe a couple of weeks ago. And. Sometimes you have to give people real feedback about what they're doing and what they're not doing. And that's hard because you don't want to, you don't want to make people feel bad, but you also don't want to let them continue to not do the best work that they can do, right?

Sarah:

right.

Chris:

I want you to be good at this job and you need to change some of your behavior in order to be better at this job.

Sarah:

Yeah. And that's

Chris:

those are hard conversations to have with anybody. And it was basically just coaching somebody through that. And I'm like, okay, there's a middle ground. You don't have to go in there and turn the desk over. There's a way that you can communicate what you want and what you think to this person without being an ass about it. So I'm like, just think, just go away right now and think about how you can provide constructive feedback in a way that. gives them an opportunity to grow and makes you not an asshole. Like you don't have to go in there

Sarah:

pause. That's your purposeful pause. Yeah.

Chris:

that is the, like you could go in there and turn the desk over, but then that person's just going to quit because you're such a dick. They're going to hate working with you. They're not going to grow. You're not going to grow. So go away, purposeful pause and think about it. Use your brain and outsmart the problem.

Sarah:

Yeah. And that's, I, he started accepting all of the, stories that he was given, started acting like he did at the beginning, but in a mindful way, not the, I will step on anybody and everybody to get further way that he start, started. What the result of this is he's taking on more work, so he's working more. So he realizes his meditation is now suffering. Like he's not doing as much meditation as he was before. So now you're going down the other, like what, but that's the whole point of it is the balance, because even though his meditation, the amount of time he was spent meditating was suffering. He wasn't losing what he had learned. He wasn't losing how to remain mindful. and in control of what was going on in his mind. I guess that's what mindful means. Cause I'm an idiot.

Chris:

You're not an idiot.

Sarah:

so then he, so at this point, like things are going well, he's doing well on the job. He's starting to realize, okay, there's a delicate balance that we have here. And. But he still feels like something's a little bit off. Like he still can't figure out the actual answer to the question that he's seeking. So he goes to, one of his mentors and I stopped writing their names down cause I'm not going to fucking remember them. Sounds good. He goes to one of his mentors and, he tells him that the answer lies. in non attachment. So you detach from the outcomes. it's important to care about. It's important to care about what you do, but it's equally as important to accept the things that won't always go as planned.

Chris:

Yes. 100%.

Sarah:

and here's where Dan's okay, so I am going to put all of this work into this and I'm going to put so much energy into this. How can I not be attached? And ultimately, and this is something that was like, Oh, Totally makes sense. The ultimate goal is to be ambitious. So there's things that you're not going to be able to control and you have to accept those and if you are going, if you accept what you can't control and move on and don't spend so much time festering on those items that you're going No matter what you do, you can't actually control it. You're going to have the ability to focus more on the things that you can control. And then at the end of the day, you're able to say, I did everything I could, and then be able to pick yourself up and move on to the next thing. If that didn't work out the way that you wanted it to, or that you thought it would. Right.

Chris:

what I took away from this chapter, and what I took away from what you just said, is, there are things that are gonna happen. there I'm not going to control when I get a new boss. I'm not going to control my new boss's behavior. I'm not going to control, the economy, what I am going to control is my attitude. Like my ability to show up on time, my ability to be present in my work, my ability to engage people in a way that makes them want to do things at my job, I'm. Going to approach things with some integrity and within openness and transparency that my coworkers can see and appreciate, those are the things that I can control. And if I'm doing that, then that's the focus. that's where I bring my mind back to, like when I'm meditating, I bring my mind back to the things that I can control, like my breath. I can't control the fact that the cat is licking my hand. Like, all right,

Sarah:

I feel like you can, you could just punch the cat.

Chris:

No, no cat. comes back. Anyway, it's a cat. It's a cat. It's it doesn't care if you punch It will just

Sarah:

I get

Chris:

look at you side eyed and then come back. It'll plot your death, but it'll come back and lick your hand. Anyway it's focusing the energy on those things and bringing the focus to the things that you can control and not being so worried about the outcome and having Sort of faith that if you do that, the outcomes will be good. If you are doing the things that you're supposed to do, that somehow the universe balances itself out and makes good things happen in a way that you can appreciate for yourself, because you've done the work that you were supposed to do, not in a, if I do good things, then I win the lottery. If I do good things, then I feel good about the work that I did. And I can accept, not winning the lottery because I didn't really have any control over that in the first place.

Sarah:

exactly That's exactly it. the example that they give in the book is it's like when you write a book So the things you can control you go out and you hire the best publicist you can You can do, you can do every interview. All you can do is be prepared. And you release this book, ultimately you have no control on how it's received. Like at that point, you've done everything you can. So you're going to have no control over the marketplace or anything. So you have to just accept that and taking time from your mind, going crazy about it, which is what I do, like how there are so many ways this can shit the bed instead of focusing on that. And that's what I tend to do. I'm like, I'm not going to put a lot of time in this podcast because. It's not going to go anywhere. Like I already have that in my brain and yeah, the odds aren't really all that great that this is what we'll do like for a living. But that's not what, that's not what it's about anyway. But I already, like I am, the term that I was told was I awfulize. So I take everything and I make it like, it's, I awfulize everything. It's going to be a negative and my brain goes nuts. And I do that for future events, anything I'm doing like, this is how this can go wrong. there's nothing like, no, you need to focus on what you can control. And again, shit sounds so simple. and when it clicks, you're like, Oh,

Chris:

Oh, Yes. Yes, there are things that I can control and I, if I'm controlling them, then I feel better. Yeah,

Sarah:

liked. and then Dan put together his own practical framework for mindfulness and he calls it the way of the worrier. do you want me to go through these? Did you read this? Do you remember this? and they're all, it's all very good stuff and I love it because Dan Harris is. It's much like I am like, I want a list. I want you to tell me what to do. Like I want, and this is it. this is one of my favorite things. And then the epilogue and he has a bunch of other stuff in the back there that I want to read. Cause it's all tips and tricks and stuff that he did along his journey. So I want to get into that, but his list, there's 10 things that you need to do in order to live a more mindful life. Life and this is from Dan Harris. This is just what he made up. The first is to don't be a jerk I feel like I say this all the time. Don't be a jerk. Just don't be a jerk.

Chris:

On

Sarah:

And in this case, yeah in this case Practice more meta loving and kindness to make better decisions and it builds happiness And in addition in that selfish way that we talked about last week, it makes you more allies Ultimately, if you're not a dick, number two is hide the Zen when necessary. So it's possible to be ambitious without getting overly personal or forcing calmness in every situation. So

Chris:

fine to have a reaction. But, see rule number one.

Sarah:

Exactly.

Chris:

Have your reaction.

Sarah:

Your reaction is what you can

Chris:

Lash out, don't lash out at somebody else.

Sarah:

Yeah, exactly. number three, my current favorite, meditate. Meditation is the secret weapon. It helps you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.

Chris:

Don't be a dick.

Sarah:

number four, the price of secure. Oh, no, that's not what it was. What happened?

Chris:

The price of security is insecurity.

Sarah:

Yeah, but that wasn't, is that all I wrote? Cause that wasn't what his, it was part of it, but I feel like I missed. Yeah. I feel like I missed it. Oh, yeah. The price of security is insecurity. The part I missed that I didn't type down in my notes is the important part, until it's not useful. So this is just recognizing, learning to recognize what you should be worried about and what is just wasting your time,

Chris:

Yes.

Sarah:

basically. number six is don't force it. So this Is awesome because we already talked about it. It's a purposeful pause you can

Chris:

It's hard. This one's hard. This one's so hard for me because once I like that purposeful pause is so hard. And the reason that the meditation is probably good for me because I, As I'm going through my day, since my brain is all over the place, right? It's hard for me not to just do the next thing. Like I know the next thing should be X, Y, and Z. And I know that my behavior here should be X, Y, and Z. So it's hard for me not to just do that. Because It's hard for me to loosen up enough where I can have a purposeful pause. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?

Sarah:

and use it properly

Chris:

it came up in my meditating this week. I get so, focused on breathing that I will forget to breathe. Do you know what I mean? Do you like it sounds so dumb, but I'm like, okay, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out.

Sarah:

Oh shit. I'm not breathing

Chris:

breathe out. I'm like, oh my god, i'm gonna pass out Because i'm making myself breathe in and out and i'm not just breathing like i'm hyperventilating Is what's happening and i'm like, oh my god. I'm so focused on breathing. I'm like, yeah, because you're about to die, bitch

Sarah:

die

Chris:

And I was creating like a little mental wall to keep my thoughts behind. And I'm like, you got to let him in. You got to have the thoughts or else you're not gonna, you're not really doing it. Breathe in. that's not what it is. And I think that kind of parallels this for me is that it's really hard for me to loosen up enough to do anything except the next expected thing.

Sarah:

yeah

Chris:

Hard.

Sarah:

really, it's, yeah,

Chris:

all of them are simple and hard at the same time. Fuck's sake.

Sarah:

that was another shit. And I didn't write this one down and I have no clue why I did not write this down. It was about, Oh yeah. he's talking to one of his mentors here. And at the end, I think that's who he was talking to. Anyway, at the end, the teacher explains, I said, simple. I said, be simple, 10.

Chris:

So

Sarah:

You're, no, you took the wrong word. You took the wrong simple word, but yeah, we've said it forever. It's simple, but there's so

Chris:

hard.

Sarah:

challenging. the next one is something that I never really thought about and I thought, and I'm still. Processing it, which is humility prevents humiliation. And I was like, interesting. Yeah. And there's a couple of different ways you can look at it. I think, this is a helpful one to keep in your brain, to stop you from doing the comparison, falling into the comparison trap. And then this is also one that kind of goes with me. I was thinking goes into like the purposeful pause because instead of just Throwing out

Chris:

I know what to do. I know what to do.

Sarah:

exactly. Like I can fix this. I know what I do. I blah, blah, blah, blah. And at

Chris:

I know what to do better than everybody. Do it my way.

Sarah:

so just keep your mouth shut sometimes and it works out. eight, go easy with the internal cattle prod. I have a really hard time with this one and I know you do as well.

Chris:

I

Sarah:

And I don't know, this is one of the things I'm working on. In my coaching and therapy is, my ability to be mean to myself and I do it all the time and I'm seeing it in Owen and I hate it, like that's where I see it. And I'm like, shit, no, buddy, you're not an idiot, which I mean, didn't I just say what a few minutes ago? I'm an idiot, right? That's just what I do.

Chris:

Came up in therapy for me this week.

Sarah:

It's hard. this is a hard one.

Chris:

Constantly. I'm like, ah, that was stupid. You're so stupid. She's do you really think you're stupid? I'm like, there is a ton of evidence to the contrary here, so no,

Sarah:

definitely not.

Chris:

She's your words matter. I know.

Sarah:

Yeah, they do. I guess they do. Damn it. So yeah, that's one that I'm constantly working on. number nine, non attachment to the results, which we've already talked about. And then the last is. So this is where you, this is comes along with the values, like you need to figure out what do you truly, what do you truly want and what are you willing to endure to achieve it?

Chris:

The subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Sarah:

Exactly.

Chris:

What's worth my fucks?

Sarah:

And, the last thing that I have, the last thing I've written down was Karma Chameleon, but

Chris:

Hilarious.

Sarah:

one. The last thing I have written down is, an interview that Dan did, that he was talking about. He interviewed Robert Schneider, which I immediately thought Rob Schneider, like the comedian guy,

Chris:

Comedian.

Sarah:

Sandler, right? That's exact, that's, I was like, oh, why is he calling him Robert? That's weird.

Chris:

I'm like, wow, he was a lot more important than I remember.

Sarah:

I was like, and why is Dan Harris interviewing him? That's so weird, but apparently this guy it's, and I didn't look him up. That's terrible. I should have looked him up before this, but he's a singer, for a band called apples in stereo, which Dan Harris throws out some stuff that I really need to start. Checking out. anyway, so this is, I wanna check out that band. anyway, he was interviewing him and he asked him like, what's the most important thing? And his response, and Dan, the reason Dan's talking about this, because he felt that this is the one, this is how he feels as well. And I think it's probably common, but the most important thing is being kind. And also trying to do something awesome.

Chris:

Yeah.

Sarah:

I love that because it's so simple because yeah, you want to focus like on being being that good person, but you also want to do something awesome. Don't we all want to do something awesome? Yeah.

Chris:

there's a quote, there's a really big technology company. they're the ones that had the big conference in New York. They took us to their rainbow room. their founder, their CEO, his name was Glenn. DeVries, I think. And his kind of motto, his thing, value, the top value of the company was just do epic shit. do epic shit came up, all the time. Just

Sarah:

that's like talking about values and talking about what you want. Like I always have it in my head that I need to have this full page summary of exactly what, like, where will you be in five years? I don't fucking know. but I always feel like there's a pressure to name super specific stuff, but it doesn't have to be like that. And that's why I really like this as well. yeah, I want to do, I want to do something awesome. And I want it. I want the important part to be how I do it.

Chris:

I think looking at values is an interesting one, right? Like your values are pre prescribed, right? I think like you've, you grew up Catholic, I grew up Catholic. Our values are being nice to people. They're the 10 commandments, right? They've been drilled into us, in going to Catholic school, going to CCD, all of that drilled in the things that should be our values, right? some of them are good, right? Those are good values. Like no one's going to argue that, coveting your neighbor's shit is a good thing, but what are your values really though? And they don't have to be confined to your behavior, your ethical behavior. You can say, yeah, part of my values is to act ethically. Part of my values is to be a. A good person is to be kind and a part of that kindness is to be kind to myself And to look at what I want to get out of life right and Part of your values have to be that I don't want to I don't want to settle for what I should Do you know what?

Sarah:

Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. I like that.

Chris:

for so long especially people with and I know I talk about it all the time, but it's such a revelation to understand that a lot of my behavior and a lot of what happens in my brain is because I'm trying to make my brain do things that everybody else's brain does all the time.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

Part of that is just doing the next thing you're supposed to do. Like don't get too distracted. Just do the next thing you're supposed to do. Go to college. Okay. I'm going to go to college. just graduate in four years, go to graduate school, get a job, do good at that job, do good at the next job, do good at the next job. And I feel like maybe I was just drug along by those things that, that underneath it all is this desire to do good. and to work hard and those are good values to have, but living a life that's really examined, I think is the next piece of it for me. sure. I'm a good person. I try not to hurt people on purpose. all of the Ten Commandments, I'm down, but for so long, what I've done is just the next thing I'm supposed to do, not be too flashy, not aim too high, just keep yourself right here so that nobody notices when you fuck something up. And, what happens, what happens if I look at those values and decide that there's more?

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

It's fun, to think about what happens if I let myself aim a little higher? What happens if I accept that maybe not calling myself a dummy, maybe starting out our podcast, with, we don't know anything isn't the best way to start out our podcast. Maybe having a little bit of self reflection and saying, Hey, we're doing some good stuff and there's nothing wrong with me saying I'm doing some good stuff. And what happens if we look at those values and we look at how we're living our lives and take those little pauses and we do better epic shit.

Sarah:

Yeah. And it's all possible. I like that. I like looking, thinking about that way. I never thought of it that way. Like just trudging through doing the next thing that you should be doing. And it's worked out for you. you have a wonderful life and all,

Chris:

yeah, hundred

Sarah:

but, there's, but you look at that and again, it's like, what more can I do?

Chris:

Yeah. Yeah, why? if I've done this, why can't I do that? Like,

Sarah:

right.

Chris:

why can't I do more? But you know what? you appreciate the point. And I think that's what a lot of what we've been doing since April. The focusing on all this stuff that subtle art, the atomic habits, this book, thinking about other books that, that I want us to read and learn from a lot of that has, opened my eyes a little bit. And if that's the only thing that this podcast does, then we improve the world.

Sarah:

It's amazing. It's well, I'm becoming like when I first started reading, I Dan Harris's stuff. he does, he talks about how at the beginning, like he wanted to talk about it all the time and try to get people to, and I'm fucking doing that. And I've, I like

Chris:

you guys

Sarah:

have to apologize. Yeah. I'm like, fuck, you should be meditating. But I, the last thing about this book that I wanted to share is in the appendix there's instructions and he talks a little bit about the three three areas of resistance he gets when he talks about meditation. And I think they're worth touching on really quick here at the end, because I really want to get people to give it a try, and not just once, because it doesn't work just once. You have to

Chris:

I lifted weights. I don't have any muscles.

Sarah:

Yeah, exactly. So the first one is, yeah, it's bullshit. And as we've talked about from the beginning, that's how Dan Harris was. That's how I was. I was like, there's no fucking way I'm going to be able to do this. But in here he states, there's a reason why so many executives, lawyers, and Marines have embraced meditation. there need not be any magic or mysticism involved in the practice. You can think about it as a form of secular exercise for your brain.

Chris:

Right.

Sarah:

And that's what, and again, like you said, I lifted weights. You're not going to be big. Like you need to work your brain. It, you have to have the practice behind it, but ultimately look at the science behind it. if you're thinking, yeah, it's all bullshit. Take a look at the science, read about it. it's there. This shit makes a difference. The next one is it's too hard for me. Yeah, this is one that I, this is definitely one that I had because the same thing that he talks about here, a lot of people say, there's no way I'll be able to, but you don't understand, you don't understand how my mind works and I can't shut my mind down. And this was a big. thing for me is understanding that you don't need to shut your mind down. It's not about being completely and totally thoughtless.

Chris:

right.

Sarah:

It's what you do with those thoughts and you learn how to not let them take over.

Chris:

Like me focusing so much on the breathing and putting the little wall up. Okay, thoughts. We're not having it because we're just gonna hyperventilate.

Sarah:

Yeah,

Chris:

That's not it.

Sarah:

but you can't like and that's the part, this is the thing to me that I get really excited about because it's the part where I, it's the place where I was like, Oh, that makes a big difference to me. And I was like, yeah, it's bullshit, whatever. But to me, it was always, I can't do it. Cause my mind is so crazy. Like it just spins and it won't be able to shut down. And again, you just, it's not shutting it down. And again, it takes practice. It's here's this thought we're going to get move right past it. Here's this thought we're going to move past it. It's letting, not letting things take over completely. And then the last one is I don't have time, which is one that I'm still, I still struggle with. I'm like, Oh God, I got to meditate today. but for fuck's sake, I meditate for 10 minutes. Like it's not like I'm really that far into it. Like you can find 10 minutes. But what he says here is. It's to have that self compassion

Chris:

Yeah,

Sarah:

to, that's a huge part of this is self compassion and not to be so hard. It's that internal cattle prod again. And Give yourself some grace and maybe start, and I'm going to do it daily ish. And a minute of meditating is a minute, take it in small, little pieces, don't sit down and be like, Oh yeah, I'm going to have an hour sit for my first one. Cause that's

Chris:

it's long. It's hard.

Sarah:

Yeah. Sorry. We went long today. You're going to have to cut it down.

Chris:

I'll edit some stuff. I have to cut out where I say people's last names and things, so I'll find some places to cut it. Usually just taking out the pauses, gives me like five minutes. just taking out all the places where we say,

Sarah:

sitting here trying to figure out what the next word is.

Chris:

yeah.

Sarah:

till this part because then it's going to be all sorts of choppy because we just did everything that it cuts out.

Chris:

it'll be great.

Sarah:

Perfect. Perfect. I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving. that's going to be cut out now. I can't. And that's all I'm thinking about.

Chris:

I

Sarah:

actually here's, you might, do you, you want to stop?

Chris:

Recording? Oh, yeah. Hey guys, we'll talk to you. We'll talk to you next week. We love you.

Sarah:

Love you.

Chris:

Love you. Bye

Sarah:

Bye.

People on this episode

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Christine Kanalis

Host
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Sarah Leibhart

Host