The Mental Funny Bone

Episode 32: 90% Unhappier

• Gaster Girls • Season 3 • Episode 7

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Fan Mail Goes Here!!

In this episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' Sarah and Christine hilariously navigate through an array of topics. They kick off with humorous self-deprecation, reflecting on recent fan mail, and Christine's baby hairs by the air conditioner. Amid their endless chatter, they delve into their experiences from the 2000 election, complete with long lines and post-voting antics.  The fan mail segment features Ryan's entertaining email and a rebuttal from Sarah's husband, Noah, humorously vying for the title of 'Lieutenant Boner.' A trip down memory lane takes them to Christine's Cinnabon job, highlighting her struggles and eventual triumphs. The episode wraps up with reflections on their meditation practices, revealing personal growth pains and attempts to stay Zen amidst life's challenges, before ending with a laugh about throwing sausages at breakfast.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Sarah:

Hi, welcome to the mental funny bone becoming the gaster girls. I'm Sarah.

Chris:

And I'm Christine and, we don't know, we don't know much about anything. And according to our fan mail this week, we just ramble on incessantly about a bunch of bullshit that nobody cares about. if you guys are on the YouTubes, can you just check out my baby hairs? Cause I'm sitting by the air conditioner in the hotel room.

Sarah:

Hey baby hairs.

Chris:

Do you see them?

Sarah:

Oh, I like it. They're switching up. They're going back and forth.

Chris:

they're dancing.

Sarah:

music. I like it. I

Chris:

beep dee.

Sarah:

like it. So yes, we are not medical professionals.

Chris:

but we know where to find them, which I think is half the battle. our friends, GI Joe, which would say that, knowledge is half the, I can't remember. I'm tired today, so

Sarah:

Yeah, it's okay. it's really okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Let's go to fan mail immediately

Chris:

let's do it. Do we not want to do not want to say that we're recording this on election day and we don't know. I haven't turned the TV on.

Sarah:

yeah, it's just, there's just, there's things just starting to start starting to roll in right now. It's 8 Tuesday, November 5th. Um, there's things rolling in. I just tried to meditate. It doesn't help. There's it. There's, I couldn't find anything on Peloton that was meditating for election day.

Chris:

Meditating for election day.

Sarah:

you feel like, the outcome, and it's probably not going to be the one that you want. And you're not really sure how to deal with it.

Chris:

I feel like we've all been here before.

Sarah:

I'm sick of it. to be honest, here's what I was thinking about. So Owen asked me what we were going to talk about today. And I said, I don't know. I think that maybe I'll bring up the 2000 election.

Chris:

That was my favorite election.

Sarah:

yeah, cause he was like, what do you mean the 2000 election? I was like, yeah, at the time I thought it was going to be like one of the most, the craziest elections I voted in. It turns out

Chris:

Is that?

Sarah:

was not.

Chris:

Did we stand in line for like hours?

Sarah:

at least five hours, at least five hours.

Chris:

In the desert, in the heat, because it's still

Sarah:

It was at what was cold for us then, it was like in down in the nineties

Chris:

Oh yeah, I had a sweater on. I had a

Sarah:

when the sun went down, It got cold. Yeah. I can remember us being in line cause we, we got there when the sun was out, the sun went down and it went down to 89 degrees and we were all freezing. I went to the, I went to the gas station and got hot chocolate for us. Yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

I have vague memories of being at like an Albertsons after we voted. And being like all jacked up because we voted.

Sarah:

we were, yeah, were, we were out of, we were so excited. We were I had not,

Chris:

I

Sarah:

that was my first time voting.

Chris:

too. Like the

Sarah:

Yeah, that was my first election. And man, I thought it, I, we were, I thought it was the best thing ever. It was so much fun. And then we went home to your apartment, watched the news and there was Hanging chads. watch the Blair witch. Yeah. Remember? And we didn't, it was the first one we didn't know until the day after. Yeah.

Chris:

Fucking Florida.

Sarah:

It was crazy. It was crazy. And at the time, I really thought it was going to be the craziest election that I was a part of, and, turns out it was one of them, because this is now the third.

Chris:

crazy

Sarah:

would be the fourth if you, if you include that one. this will be the fourth that's fucking ridiculous.

Chris:

I think I said this motherfucker.

Sarah:

It's the only thing, I took Facebook off my phone because I

Chris:

Like you gotta, you have

Sarah:

I can't, I'm gonna, yeah, you're gonna have to man the Facebook, mental funny bone shit. Cause I just, I just can't, the amount of times I started responding to something and then stopped because it still wasn't, cause it's totally not. worth it. The one thing I would just like to point out is that, no, I don't even want to point it out. It doesn't matter

Chris:

No, it doesn't. do you know what I'm always reminded of on election day?

Sarah:

No one gives a shit about you.

Chris:

no, we do. I care about you. I'm reminded of Kid President. Do you remember Kid President?

Sarah:

you know how old he is

Chris:

24. He's 24.

Sarah:

my goodness!

Chris:

it. I was like, Oh, was like, I'm, you're a party. You're a party. I'm a fucking party. Like

Sarah:

I

Chris:

I'm reminded of kid president and

Sarah:

Mm hmm.

Chris:

where we can find, kindness in the smallest of things.

Sarah:

There you go. There you go.

Chris:

Either way, this turns out, people, half of us are going to be pissed off about it. And,

Sarah:

Yeah,

Chris:

I'm just going to remind everyone of my, one of my favorite quotes from college. by Dave Farmer, if you remember Dave Farmer, which I think I can use his last name because it's very, it seems like a very common name. Dave Farmer says, I don't give a shit who wins this election because it's not going to impact the price of beer at the college in, and he wasn't wrong, it did not change that election year at all, not for several years after that, beer was a consistent price at the college in, and really that is what we cared about. That was our issue of the day.

Sarah:

valid. It's valid, especially when you're in college. It's definitely valid. I see it. I see it.

Chris:

so in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Sarah:

Yep, yep, let's move into

Chris:

May the odds ever be in your favor. Be ever in your favor. Whatever. Dystopia,

Sarah:

now

Chris:

y'all ready for it?

Sarah:

Hunger Games. Jesus Christ. Here we go. And the amount of times that I wanted to say on Facebook today, here we fucking go. Here we fucking go. And not in a good way. not in a good way. Here we fucking go. Yeah,

Chris:

gonna burn. it's fine. I place a lot of importance on this one person and they really don't have that much power to fuck it up that much. it's more the rich people that have the power to fuck it up than the president,

Sarah:

what? Yeah.

Chris:

my platform forever.

Sarah:

I remembered the story I wanted to tell you earlier, but I'm not going to say, I'm not going to tell you on here. I'll tell you outside of here. I

Chris:

I'll fill you in. I'll rat her out as soon as she tells me the story. I'll put it on the YouTubes.

Sarah:

mean, do you want me to tell you? You cut it out if you want.

Chris:

No, I don't want to do any editing today,

Sarah:

Right, exactly. All right. So let's go to fan mail. We have a few fan mail things. Ryan, Ryan sent us, let me get here what Ryan has to say. so this is Ryan's what second email, or did we talk about this email last

Chris:

Oh, we talked about it

Sarah:

we record

Chris:

We recorded on

Sarah:

Wednesday though? No,

Chris:

No, the episode dropped on Halloween. We recorded Monday. So this is definitely after. Dates are hard. Dates are

Sarah:

Dates are hard. I was going to say that's what she said, but I don't feel like it really makes sense there. All right. So anyway, Ryan is determined to be the best fan mailer ever. at least better than that Shauna girl that we think that we speak off. and just in case our listeners don't know, Shauna is married to Ryan.

Chris:

These two.

Sarah:

so he sent us a video and it's me singing about pooping.

Chris:

I can put it in here.

Sarah:

I feel like you definitely should. I can sing it like can sing my song right now. You gotta poop today. You gotta poop today. Anyway, so yeah, we love it. And, also knows what I was talking about when I talked about the flip up grocery cart. So I love that. Of course.

Chris:

they were at Ames.

Sarah:

Yeah, I love it. Like when you say Ames, I can smell it. The one in Olympia shopping center. Do you know what I speak of?

Chris:

yes. Yes. A very good friend of mine, her mom worked there

Sarah:

Yeah. work? What was there? where did you work in Olympia shopping center?

Chris:

Oh, little Caesar's pizza.

Sarah:

pizza. Their breadsticks are still the best ever.

Chris:

My God, that place was so gross,

Sarah:

No, like, you, you worked in the best food places. Little Caesars, Cinnabon.

Chris:

Like why? Why would

Sarah:

Fucking fantastic.

Chris:

I feel like, Letting Olivia get jobs that she probably should not have taken, like working at bars when she was 14. Probably the best idea ever, just because it gives you like a little sliver of life that you don't want. I don't want to ever work at a Little Caesars ever

Sarah:

this is not what I want my life to be.

Chris:

so when I'm about to make a bad decision, I'm like, maybe think about it. Enough of these and you're gonna end up at the Little Caesars being the manager.

Sarah:

I don't know. that's still a job. It's fine. wish that you still worked at Cinnabon because I could really use what I'd like right now

Chris:

no

Sarah:

and some of the icing. Okay. Next bit of fan mail. Thanks, Ryan. We love you. Keep fan mailing Shauna.

Chris:

Step it up,

Sarah:

next one is from. Someone who has proclaimed themself Lieutenant, Lieutenant Boner, first of all, I'm not sure if he's listening. He's out in the living room. I'm guessing he's listening because one, one interview we did recently, he said he was going to knock on the door and tell me to be quiet. So I think he listens now when we record anyway, Lieutenant Boner is my husband, Noah. number one, you can't just declare yourself Lieutenant Boner. Like we have to say that's

Chris:

we have to bestow

Sarah:

Yeah. And after your comments, just so you know, fan mail, you should tell us like shit that you like. Mm hmm.

Chris:

Fans of the show would submit fan mail, not

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

critiques that are obviously accurate, but

Sarah:

No. They're not even accurate.

Chris:

biting just the same.

Sarah:

I'm not ready. I'm not ready to give it. I'm not ready to call him Lieutenant Boner yet.

Chris:

he's provided feedback in that nobody tells a story like he does. Which again isn't,

Sarah:

which is painful.

Chris:

he's not wrong. We're not that great at it. we both frattle on. And, he wanted to point out, indeed this is fan mail. if you have to say this is fan mail, I think you're doing the fan mail wrong.

Sarah:

Note to all the millions of listeners, I'm just defending myself. I'm confused as to what he's defending. Did we say that he's a bad storyteller on one of our episodes?

Chris:

We might've.

Sarah:

I feel like he's bringing it up. I don't know, Lieutenant, you're going to need to write us another fan mail and explain this fan mail. Uh,

Chris:

And no one's getting interviewed on Thanksgiving. That's a bad idea.

Sarah:

thanks. Special guest. Yeah, no. Nope. Nope. he wants to give a shout out to Shauna and Ryan. And let them know that we want to go to DJs and it's going to be their responsibility to get Ricky and Lisa in on the DJs movement and pooping today. So that's that. So thank you. Thank you, Noah, for your

Chris:

fan mail

Sarah:

fan mail. That's great.

Chris:

quotes. if you could see the air quotes that I'm putting around fan mail in my head.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. so that is, that, that's all the fan mail that we've got. Did I

Chris:

Yeah, I think that's it. Yes. I didn't get any fan mail this week. No one told me I was awesome. That's okay.

Sarah:

I tell myself I'm awesome all the time.

Chris:

I, alright, so that's fan mail. Good job, good job us. Weekly Ketchup Corner. What did you do this week? I didn't do anything. I feel like I, I picked out Windows for my she shit.

Sarah:

we went out with, the guy family.

Chris:

Oh yeah! Oh, that's what we did on Saturday. Yeah, now I remember.

Sarah:

Yeah. We met

Chris:

before or after I picked out Windows?

Sarah:

I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. That was Saturday. lunchtime. you guys came on for Owen's deck hockey game. So you know, yeah, his deck hockey game, they played what team the purple team and they beat them pretty handedly. Like they played them again last night in the playoffs.

Chris:

Did they lose?

Sarah:

Yeah. Yep. Sure did.

Chris:

Those kids were out for blood. They were like, what's up,

Sarah:

Talk to the, talk to the coach after the game of the purple team, who I like, he's a funny guy. He's yeah, what else? So you have your whole team. And when you put a few people on your kid, so he can't score, I was like, all right, fair enough. Yeah. So yeah. So they're out. They were the number one seed in the playoffs.

Chris:

Man.

Sarah:

there's only four teams.

Chris:

Aw, man, though.

Sarah:

yeah, whatever he, we don't have to rush around tomorrow for soccer practice because FC soccer practice officially starts tomorrow.

Chris:

Oh, that makes my eye twitch.

Sarah:

So we're moving on. We are moving on to FC and let me, so the first tournament for FC is the first weekend in December. And,

Chris:

inside, right? It's gotta

Sarah:

no,

Chris:

Ha!

Sarah:

like I figured it was going to be inside. I was just like, all right, whatever. So I was talking to another mom and she was talking about her heated blanket. And she was like, you guys need to get one of these for December. And I was like, what's why it's going to be indoor, right? She was like, oh no, it's outdoor. In Pennsylvania, in December.

Chris:

In Lancaster, which I feel is like a, one big cornfield. breezes.

Sarah:

Yeah, I don't, I'm not, really, I'm we're gonna have to buy a bunch of heated stuff, and just drink alcohol the whole time. I think that's gonna be the best way to go about it.

Chris:

I ever tell you about the one indoor game we had that was in, Morgantown, West Virginia at a giant, bubble shed kind of thing.

Sarah:

no?

Chris:

told me that there wasn't any heat in

Sarah:

Oh, yeah.

Chris:

So I show up and Olivia, like all the kids are dressed to like for an outdoor game and I'm like, but it's in. Since inside right and they were like does she have gloves? I was like, I don't know. She's 12 she might have gloves. She might have a collection of slime She made right before we came here that she's gonna sell to the other kids. It's I don't know What's in her backpack anymore? Sorry.

Sarah:

we have to buy Owen all sorts of outdoor stuff. So

Chris:

You can ask uncle David because he's got like hunting shit So he likes to keep warm for the hunting. also this week I was in Kinga, Prussia, which is a place, they have a mall in Kinga, Prussia. so I went shopping at the Kinga, Prussia mall. So I

Sarah:

Is there, the Alamo by it? Wheel

Chris:

what's the game show with Pat Sajak, but not Pat Sajak,

Sarah:

of Fortune, Ryan Seacrest.

Chris:

is that who it is? Ah. That guy, fine. I'm a fan. It's fine. I'm just in a bad mood. So everybody is that guy. Um,

Sarah:

that

Chris:

they gave away a trip to San Antonio And do you know where they were gonna put you up where your hotel was?

Sarah:

The manger.

Chris:

It is the Menger Hotel and I was like, Oh my God, I was watching it at the, at the young men's club. Cause that's where I hang out. And I was like, Oh my God, my dad got arrested there. Which I feel comes out of somebody's mouth at least twice a weekend at the young men's

Sarah:

Well, yeah, for sure. But that's a whole different situation going on there. But

Chris:

I love that. Like that place is so funny. I was there Saturday night and I saw people on Sunday. that were also there on Saturday night and they were like, were you at the club? Yeah, dude, we had a full blown conversation for an hour.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

They were like, when did you leave? I was like, I left a grownup bedtime, like nine 30. When did you

Sarah:

eight o'clock.

Chris:

When did you leave?

Sarah:

We had a conversation when I was on the way out, you were on the way in. That's when we had our conversation.

Chris:

You guys were just settling in. And I was like, see ya. See you later. They were like, yeah, we wrapped it up at four 30. I was like, am

Sarah:

Dumb.

Chris:

Not gonna do it. what else did I do this? That's it. That's

Sarah:

Well, we had lunch. We had lunch. We had a very nice lunch with, uh, with, Stephanie and Carol and, Jen and her husband, Josh came up, nobody knew, like you guys don't know any of these people, but they're people that we know. They're people that we see once a year for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, which is not the name of it anymore.

Chris:

It's not the JDRF.

Sarah:

No, it's D one.

Chris:

Tee dee. Tee jay. Tee jay

Sarah:

so, oh.

Chris:

jay wat. No, that's not it. This is a

Sarah:

we do this walk, we do this walk for my friend, Aaron and, he passed away 20 years ago, complications of the type one diabetes. And so we've been doing what we did the walk for several years and then we quit doing the walk cause life happened. And then we reconnected again with Aaron's family who we used to do the walk with all the time. And, now we just, we collected a little bit of money and just went out to lunch. And it seems great.

Chris:

Oh, I did. I had a delicious meal. I think.

Sarah:

Oh, my wings were delicious. That one wing I had and Owen ate the rest of them when we got home, except for, no on the, crab Rangoon nachos. If anybody ever says, Hey, let's have some crab Rangoon nachos, you should immediately say, no, no, it's not a good idea. It's not

Chris:

You don't want it. Like you think you want it because crab rangoon nachos sound delicious, but they're not.

Sarah:

I did, apparently I just did not read the description. I didn't realize it was just going to be fried wontons with cream cheese and crab mixture. not even like a thin layer, like three inch layer cream cheese and crab. It's not,

Chris:

No,

Sarah:

do not do it. Not a good idea. Anyway, it was a blast. It was fun to see everybody. I'm glad, that Noah and Owen joined us and Nani and Pappy were there. Everybody was there this year. So that was awesome. other than that, I don't think I did anything.

Chris:

I'm trying to think, now I'm just in between, I'm in between, I'm in between a bunch of work trips and it's just exhausting. Your eyelashes look pretty. All right. Let's talk about the growing up gastro story of the week, which I just said, Hey, that should be the growing up gastro story of the week. And now I forgot what that was.

Sarah:

Well, I was, I was saying it was the 2000 vote, but we already discussed

Chris:

already talked about

Sarah:

Um, we were talking about your Cinnabon job.

Chris:

Oh, that was it. That was it. Yeah, that was a, that was a dark period in my life that I feel like we've already talked about on here.

Sarah:

I'm pretty sure that we have, but I definitely did not think it was a dark period. I thought it was a spectacular period in your life.

Chris:

this is the best time ever. I was so sad.

Sarah:

Mostly because I was 17.

Chris:

Right? 17 and I.

Sarah:

you were buying me beer.

Chris:

I'm a good sister. What can I say? here's what I remember from the Cinnabon experience. first off, I wore a uniform, but it was just a white button down black pants and they gave me an apron and a name tag and a hat. I had a degree in mathematics. I'm wearing a name tag at the mall where I used to hang out where my friends from high school still go. And when I say friends, I'm putting like kind of loose air quotes about it. Like I remember somebody. somebody was working like career at Kauffman's, like they were doing like some fancy office job at Kauffman's and they came over to get like an espresso from the Cinnabon and they were like, Hey, and I was like, I'm. What's up? I'm gonna put my head in the mocha lot of chill machine.

Sarah:

Mocha Latte Chill. Oh my

Chris:

can taste it, right? It's 800, 000 calories. It's

Sarah:

I was just gonna say, do you know how many calories is in that shit?

Chris:

I could have easily drowned in the mocha lot of chill machine. I

Sarah:

And you had, did you have a hat or a visor?

Chris:

had a hat or a visor. I had something on my stupid head.

Sarah:

Did, was your hair still looking like Mary Lou, Mary Lou is what I was going to say,

Chris:

no, it was getting a little bit longer. Like it was almost like this long, but it was also like halfway the, and I was like, I'm going to get a perm and then I got a fucking perm, please. Like the compounding of the ridiculous things that happened to me. And then I didn't have any money, like no money, negative money. And I've, I got a credit card.

Sarah:

no. I was just going to say you had plenty. You had credit. You had credit. You were living high on the hog,

Chris:

I got

Sarah:

high on the hog. They

Chris:

interest rate that compounded by the second didn't even occur to me. I was like, fuck it. I still have space. Follow us for financial tips. I bought, I bought that, I bought two dishes at the Pier 1 Imports.

Sarah:

were so cute though,

Chris:

They were

Sarah:

were so cute,

Chris:

I felt

Sarah:

didn't they have like little silverware drawings on them?

Chris:

on them. They were black and white, they fit

Sarah:

And they were the, it was the bowl, like the nice, like the, the bowl I speak of.

Chris:

I saw them on Friends, I

Sarah:

Exactly, exactly.

Chris:

coffee mug from Friends.

Sarah:

Oh, so fantastic.

Chris:

that was like the bright spot in what was otherwise eight months of, suicide inducing things that happened to me. And then I would go to, I would go to work at the mall. At the mall, and it was cold outside because it was the Christmas holiday season, so the mall's open from I don't know, 4 in the morning to 2 a. m. It like closes down for two hours. That two hours I slept in my car in the cold in the parking lot. There's no point in going home. My God. and I wasn't exercising cause I was done playing soccer and I was depressed. So I was eating icing, cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar icing by the goddamn fistful. I

Sarah:

I was going to say with your hand

Chris:

right? Cause I had a glove on, it's all sanitary and I'm

Sarah:

No, back then, nobody put gloves on.

Chris:

Oh, I did, because that's the container. And then I would put, I would fill the glove.

Sarah:

I would fill the glove with cream cheese. I would cut the tip of one finger off and just suck the icing.

Chris:

it into my mouth. I don't know why I gained a little bit of weight. a perm. I was chubby in ways I'd never been chubby before. And I was sucking icing out of the teat of a plastic glove. I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine. This is fine. This is exactly

Sarah:

could just see you in the short sleeve. It was a white short sleeve. button down and down like past your knees because you were like five foot tall

Chris:

and self conscious about being chubby. Which I wasn't even chubby. I was self conscious about it. I was, like, I had a little bit more in the middle because I was eating icing out

Sarah:

We're a little, a little chubby,

Chris:

Shut up.

Sarah:

but that's

Chris:

bought a

Sarah:

I could see is you shorted on that same credit card. Oh, baby Ella. Yup.

Chris:

dog. I wasn't, because I was convinced I was gonna die alone. My life was over at 23. No one would ever love me. That's

Sarah:

you've got a dog that would just ate the crotch out of all your pants.

Chris:

what she did. She loved it. Socks, she'd stick her head through. She ate a blanket and stuck her head through it because I left her in her cage for four hours. 15 hours dumb mother

Sarah:

She was so cute. So cute.

Chris:

my god. She hated everybody. So You know it just for those of you people going through tough times Maybe just think back on me working at the mall eating handfuls of cream cheese icing. While everyone at that current Cinnabon location was young and gay and having so much fun and I wasn't at all. they were like the most vibrant people and I hated them for it. Hated them.

Sarah:

I don't remember. I feel like I should have remembered them. Cause I feel like I went to the mall a lot to see you. Yeah.

Chris:

the cinnabons used to be where they had a display case where you would watch them rolling out the dough and sprinkling the cinnamon sugar. There was a couple. At the little cafe booth, sipping a mochaccina frappe lattes. And, they were watching her make cinnamon rolls. She slammed the marble rolling pin down on the marble counter and went, What the fuck are you looking at? To these people.

Sarah:

So she was equally as. Oh, my mom really wanted to see if you were as happy as you were

Chris:

We are in the

Sarah:

the

Chris:

place. And I was like, I'm gonna let it happen. I could have stopped it. I could have, diffused the situation. I was like, that's above my pay grade. I make a

Sarah:

Now, is this,

Chris:

I

Sarah:

before or after? Before or after you worked at the pizza place?

Chris:

Oh, the pizza place was summer between junior and

Sarah:

Uh,

Chris:

And then I went back for a short stint where I had three jobs, where I worked at the Cinnabon, and I worked at the real estate company downtown, and I worked at Pizza Works because I didn't have any money, and I wanted those plates.

Sarah:

you've still bought everything on credit.

Chris:

I still didn't have any money. I was spending all my money on dogs.

Sarah:

Yeah, I mean I make you speak of this like I did any better when I dropped out of college because I didn't. I moved to Arizona and I had to move home because I ran out of credit. Nope, didn't run out of money. I never had fucking money. I just had credit

Chris:

Seriously.

Sarah:

and I ran out of that.

Chris:

Follow us for life planning tips.

Sarah:

When you go to Walmart and they deny you for a credit card, that's when I decided it was time to go home. No, that's when I decided it was time to sell all of the CDs and VHS's. That bought me another six months

Chris:

It was amazing. I think I purchased five CDs off you that had Gaster written on them.

Sarah:

in your handwriting. Yeah.

Chris:

cool.

Sarah:

Yeah. For sure. For

Chris:

That's cool. I feel like I haven't talked enough about my reels this week.

Sarah:

you know what kind of reels I'm getting these days? I really like looking at wedding dresses, apparently.

Chris:

It goes with my dating advice.

Sarah:

Lots of wedding dresses and then I keep clicking on them because I'm like, wait, I got to see this one. Wait. Oh, what? She went what I gotta see that one And then I keep clicking on them and then they keep coming up even more and then I'm like, okay I thought by watching all of your rugby wadons that I would start getting some rugby reels, but no, I'm not

Chris:

I get a, I still get a lot of them, but they're all the same. Like they're now I'm starting to appreciate like the music in the background, I'm like, yeah, I'd make out with that guy. Yeah. I'd make out with that guy.

Sarah:

look at those legs.

Chris:

have a type and it is a French rugby player or Puerto Rican rugby player or Guatemalan, African, like any of them turns out

Sarah:

am

Chris:

have a country preference.

Sarah:

looking at wedding dresses or Jason Kelcey.

Chris:

I think I'm also salty this week because there was no Steeler game. There was no chance for me to watch the adorable, special teams coach.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

see that,

Sarah:

the number one Steelers fan.

Chris:

like it's my whole life now.

Sarah:

Meanwhile, on Sunday I was like, Noah, do you have a Steelers sweatshirt I could wear? it's a bi week. And I was like, Oh yeah.

Chris:

No,

Sarah:

Yeah. I knew that.

Chris:

I asked

Sarah:

think I heard that, but I obviously forgot.

Chris:

four times when the, wait, when are the Steelers playing? Because I got this Playwright Engage shirt and I want to wear it.

Sarah:

Did you get a renegade shirt?

Chris:

Yeah, but it's black and I want a golden rod. we'll just make do with what we have, for the four more weeks, I'm gonna be a Steeler fan.

Sarah:

Yeah. I'm gonna say it's not even gonna be four weeks. No, I think you're in now, I I think you got the renegade bug, which is what's gonna keep you around.

Chris:

did you see the Myron Cope, excerpt that I sent you? It's Fakir Brown.

Sarah:

fakir.

Chris:

Fakir Brown was the guy's name, not Farquad Brown. It's Fakir. But Myron Cope called him Fucker. Fucker Brown? And he's talking and joking and he's Fucker Brown? Is that right? I was like, No, it isn't. It's

Sarah:

Bill Hillgrove that's telling the story on the video?

Chris:

I

Sarah:

who it

Chris:

I think so, but I was like, it was like 9 11, I remember where I was when I heard it. I was driving to Walmart because I could do my grocery shopping in peace if there was a Steelers King

Sarah:

Oh, God.

Chris:

or maybe the Giant Eagles. Fucker Brown, I was like.

Sarah:

Yeah. Good old Myron. Good old Myron.

Chris:

Oh, all So those are our growing up Gaster stories of the week. make good choices when you're in college so that you feel confident enough to get a decent job when you get out of college and you don't have to. You don't have to go to graduate school

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

what you really want to do.

Sarah:

still not making great choices.

Chris:

Yeah. But you have a coach. Now you have a coach now.

Sarah:

I'm on, I don't think I'm very coachable,

Chris:

You're definitely coachable. You're very open to changing.

Sarah:

I'm not as much as I thought I was.

Chris:

You'll get there. You'll get there. Recognizing it

Sarah:

you a little bit about it

Chris:

I would love

Sarah:

bit.

Chris:

tell me about your coaching,

Sarah:

She asked me what like the perfect day would be. And, um, So here's the thing is apparently like I have a hard time. Like I was like, all right, I'm going to have to work. So I'd want to get up early so I could work out. that's your perfect day. that's what I have to do. that's what, I don't know. Cause it. I'd like to sleep all day, but how does that, I can't make that happen. That's not reality. and then, but I don't, I might not want to sleep tomorrow. that might not be my perfect day every day. but again, I can't do that because I have a job and a kid. So what? yeah, so I, I'm over, I overthink everything and I can't think of the perfect day.

Chris:

Oh, I'm shocked.

Sarah:

I know I, I took a personality test and I failed it.

Chris:

You didn't fail it. That's just your personality.

Sarah:

no, I failed it. I've failed it. I did it wrong. I can't do it right. I don't like my personality. I thought I had a different personality.

Chris:

I'm not who I thought I was.

Sarah:

Turns out I'm not really a fan of myself.

Chris:

I am not all that great.

Sarah:

Fucking took it twice, took it twice, took it twice to try to get a better score the second time. Didn't help. Didn't help. No, I know. It's apparently I'm bad at cheating on the personality test too. I don't know. Yeah. I,

Chris:

God. I like at various points in my career. All of the jobs made me take a personality test so that others around me would know how to deal with me.

Sarah:

yeah, I like those. Yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

And I was like, why don't you just ask me how I want to be dealt with instead of making me take this personality test? Why don't I just give you a real time feedback when you say things that make you sound like an asshole?

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

Cause that's usually how we adapt to the workplace

Sarah:

Oh

Chris:

say something and someone goes, what a dick, then you know not to say that anymore.

Sarah:

this fucking guy.

Chris:

Honestly, this episode is brought to you by. Lack of sleep and seasonal depression. Welcome. It was dark at five fucking o'clock today, too, by the way.

Sarah:

Yeah, I think that's what's happening. I don't know. I don't know for, I'll save the rest of my shit for when we actually talk about when we get into the mental health segment because you know we have a plan here.

Chris:

There's an outline for every episode. We're predictable. Let's get into it. Let's talk about some mental health things before, before I alienate Everybody.

Sarah:

Okay.

Chris:

how was your meditation? So I think this chapter in, 10 percent Happier is where we figure out why Dan Harris calls this book 10 percent Happier,

Sarah:

And I love it. Of course. Yeah. Just like everything else. I love it. just like every chapter I, Dan Harris is going, Dan, I'm going through the same shit that Dan Harris has gone through. yeah. Yeah, so last week I was like super psyched like I was something clicked and there was a good meditation shit happening And I was understanding things and it was really awesome, and I was loving it And then I forgot how to do it.

Chris:

don't think you forgot how to do it. I don't think you could forget your breathing. You do it all the time.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I just, I got a little too excited maybe and then thought like I was really like, that's just how things were going to stay. then I had a bad sit. I don't know, just I couldn't get it together. And then that was like a downward spiral and then I didn't meditate for a couple of days because if you know me, if I'm not good at something immediately, fuck that shit.

Chris:

I'm going to hit you. That is a great story.

Sarah:

Yeah, no, I will not fucking do this. yeah, so that's what I did. So I went backwards. yeah, so I haven't really had that great of a week since my backwards step, which was on Thursday. And I haven't been able to really get it together. Now I've been back to the meditation today. I

Chris:

Did you exercise today?

Sarah:

I did not. I exercised yesterday though. I think that's a huge part of it. I really need to get my ass out of bed is what I need to do in the morning.

Chris:

What did you do the last time to make that happen? Cause I forgot and I'm the same. I just want to lay in bed until 10 30

Sarah:

I put my clothes out, but that's not, not, it's just not, yeah.

Chris:

Do you want to try something different? You don't have

Sarah:

Yes, I would love to try something different. I'm just, it's, I think it's the seasonal shit. Like I just want to be in bed at all times.

Chris:

because it's dark and it's dark in the morning. It's dark at night. We have to change the clocks for the goddamn farmers. They don't really do any farming. I don't,

Sarah:

It's

Chris:

is where now we lost all the farmers who won't listen anymore.

Sarah:

Stupid.

Chris:

are fine. Great. Here's your hour.

Sarah:

Anyway.

Chris:

my, something different was, I generally have to call David and wake him up when I'm traveling. And I find that if I get up to make that phone call, then it's easier for me to get out of bed

Sarah:

Yeah, here's, I'm finding myself in a situation I think you were in before. I wake up in the morning and get out of bed and walk to Owen's bedroom to make sure he's awake and then I go back to bed. I'm up. I just need to get, yeah, I just need, I need to stay awake. Stop starting over. I just need to fucking stick with it. But I saw the next book I want to read

Chris:

Oh, great. This will fix it.

Sarah:

it won't that I like I want so badly because I know I can 100 percent say if I get my shit together and I get up early because there have been several periods in my life where I've gotten up very early, gotten shit done. Like I am way more productive in the early hours. And if I get up early, the rest of my day is so much better. Like I know this 100%. So that's why I wanted to read the 5am club.

Chris:

Um, here are two other strategies I have found that will pull me out of bed. successfully, even if I do want to go back and lay down. Calling David in the morning, makes it so I have to be awake enough to dial a phone. And that's like the step one. And then there's a choice that I have to make where I'm like, okay, I could get up and walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I could do that. Or I could reset my alarm and sleep in

Sarah:

okay,

Chris:

Or what works is if I turn on a podcast, then I have somebody, there's like somebody else with me. So it's not like sometimes that works too.

Sarah:

what time do you get up in the morning?

Chris:

I, my alarm goes off at 4 45. I snooze until 5 15 when I make sure that David gets out of bed. Then I try to get up. then. And what I'll do is I'll go to the kitchen and I'll look at lunch stuff, but I haven't done that for a while cause he's been off work. So usually what happens is I

Sarah:

what time do you, what time do you want to wake up in the morning?

Chris:

five 30. I think five 30 seems like a reasonable getting up out of bedtime.

Sarah:

How about we get up together at 530 in the morning?

Chris:

This is what I'm saying. Instead of calling David, I'll call you

Sarah:

Oh, okay. That's what you were getting at. I like this. I like

Chris:

and I will be like, Sarah, turn on a pod. We're going to turn on a podcast. We're going to turn on whatever it is we want to listen to. And we're going to hop our little asses up out of bed. We're going to tackle the day at five 30.

Sarah:

I like this. I cannot wait to motherfuck you tomorrow morning. I can't

Chris:

It's going to

Sarah:

Maybe not. Maybe not tomorrow morning because we're going to be up late tonight and then I'm not going to be able to sleep. I'm not going to be able to sleep because I'm getting my anxious brain is going to be Tonight's just going to be a bad night.

Chris:

This is fine.

Sarah:

Oh, I need to make a trip to the dispensary.

Chris:

Listen, the French made it through like the French revolution. We're probably all right.

Sarah:

What this is so during my meditation, I'm trying so hard to bring myself back into my meditation tonight, okay. Come back. Come back. Literally, there's nothing you can do. And let's think about it. really? Are you gonna die? Is this going to kill you?

Chris:

We already did it once. We already did it once.

Sarah:

We can live through it again. It's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. It doesn't matter. It's fine.

Chris:

It's

Sarah:

You did, you did what you could, you did what you were supposed to do, and that's all that you can do. Now you need to just let it go.

Chris:

I had this exact same conversation with a work colleague, not related to the election. I was like, listen, you are yammering away at me about stuff that you can't control and I can't control and I can't stand it right now, today. I'm done with this conversation.

Sarah:

All right.

Chris:

no. That's what I told him. Like I'm done talking about things that we don't have any control over. Like the client will either choose to sign that contract or they will choose to not sign that contract. Neither of us has.

Sarah:

about it.

Chris:

Any control over that right now.

Sarah:

Why is it? Why is it so easy Why is it so easy to do that about some stuff? I guess because some stuff doesn't mean as much, but then this, let's bring it back to Dan Harris and talking to what's his, talking to what's his nuts in this chapter. who's the latest guru? What was the guy's

Chris:

Oh, there's Epstein. And there was another one. He was another jubu.

Sarah:

He's the one, he's the one from the conference thing. Not the conference, the

Chris:

The Retreat. Was his name Epstein?

Sarah:

No. No. There was another one. Joseph.

Chris:

Mengele. No. Nope. He was a Nazi. The opposite of a jubu. I should go to bed. Right

Sarah:

name? Oh, Joseph Goldstein.

Chris:

That was it.

Sarah:

Yes, it was Joseph Goldstein.

Chris:

Now they're friends. They're like buddies.

Sarah:

Yeah. And they're talking dance. They're talking about enlightenment. which I think it's funny because I finally wrote the question, what the fuck is enlightenment? That's what it says in my notes. And literally like the next sentence, they answered it for me.

Chris:

you got it now. It's a Buddha nirvana thing.

Sarah:

It's the complete uprooting of greed, hatred, and delusion about the nature of reality. Yeah, it's, taking away your emotions, basically. Taking your emotion out of it?

Chris:

Yes, that's the whole idea.

Sarah:

yeah. Dan is what, really? are you really, are you in full enlightenment? Cause they're talking about 10%. So I guess we should back up. Let's back up. Let's go back. Let's go back. Get to the root of 10 percent happier. Um, because, and I know I was telling you this earlier, cause I had a good week last week with the meditation. So I was talking to a few people about it and how I dig it. And I still dig it. I still dig it. I still think that there's a lot of awesome things that are going to come out of this. I'm just at the tip beginning of it. Um, anyway, but trying to explain that to people is they literally look at you like

Chris:

Meditation. Ew.

Sarah:

what are you smoking? okay, whatever. If you say so. anyway, so Dan Harris is talking about how he goes through this when he gets back from his retreat and people are like, you did what on your vacation? Like you what? And he's trying to explain it to people about all the awesomeness of it. And people are, it's just, it's dying. It's just, it's nobody's digging it. and so he, I forget who it was he was talking to and he said, yeah, I found meditation and it's made me 10 percent happier. And who this person was like, Oh, wait,

Chris:

hold on one second. Lucas is bothering me. Not bothering me. Lucas is also at a hotel by himself, and he's lonely. I am podcasting.

Sarah:

You'll be done in 10 minutes.

Chris:

He wants to talk about the election, and I don't want to.

Sarah:

Oh Tell him to call me we'll talk.

Chris:

Okay, Ten percent. He's fuck it. I'm ten percent happier. There.

Sarah:

percent and whoever he was talking to it was like, oh, wait a second That makes sense.

Chris:

That's something I can wrap my brain around.

Sarah:

it's not the full enlightenment It's not hey, my whole life has changed and could totally enlighten now and I am so Zen and I am so no it's 10 percent It's 10. It's made me 10 percent happier. So he tells What's his nuts Joseph Goldstein, right? Joseph Goldstein. So he meets up with him and he tells him about this. And Goldstein is yeah, that makes sense. It's a great return on investment. It's 10 percent return on investment. That's great. and as you practice it, it will become bigger than that. And Dan Harris is he, and this is where they start talking. He's are you, so you're like, you're fully enlightened. And Goldstein was like, yeah, mostly there. So how do you, so you just, you're able to just have no, you're able, what happens if one of your loved one dies? One of your loved ones dies? are you not upset by that? Like what? That's hard to grasp. Yeah.

Chris:

me ask you this question, because as I was reading this, I'm like, I can envision what that might feel like. I can envision what that might feel like for, four seconds. oh yes, this is the way of the world, and there's like having that conversation with my work friend today about, Hey, there's nothing that we can do about this right now. So the worry that we're having here is just wasted time. but at the same time I was just engulfed in rage about something else. So it wasn't like I was all Zen about it. I was like, no, I don't have time to be pissed off about that thing because I'm already uber pissed off about the fact that it's dark and I'm not. This other thing is happening, But, I can I can see what, how nice that would be to be like, Ah, this is vaguely upsetting, in, in a vaguely upsetting way.

Sarah:

Yeah. that's the whole point of it. it's, it's the suffering diminishes. So it's not that you're not having that same emotion. You're still having that emotion. It's just that, the attachment the emotion is much different and, it's passing through. At a much greater, no, it's passing through with greater ease, not like you're grasping onto it. Like I grasp onto shit and go down my that's, it's like the exact opposite. Like you're like, Oh, okay, there's the emotion that's sad. It's

Chris:

this is making me very sad.

Sarah:

But, so it's the ultimate goal. but that's. Yeah. Again, things that are hard for me, not being really good at something like immediately and not being able to reach that like super quickly. Um, so this is definitely a, this is a huge test for me because this is not something that you reach within a year. This isn't something you reach within 10 years. This isn't something like odds are this is something I will never reach cause I don't really believe that it can be reached. Bless you. Bless you. That'd

Chris:

Thanks. Oh, I hope I'm getting a cold from being in all these hotel rooms.

Sarah:

be wonderful. That'd be wonderful.

Chris:

Looking forward to that. Um, I had something good before I fucking sneezed.

Sarah:

Oh,

Chris:

yeah. it's a practice, right? it's like exercising. And, yeah, you're gonna have good days at the gym. And you're gonna have bad days at the gym. And you're gonna have days where you're like, I'm not fucking doing this. like today I was like 20 minutes of meditation. That's all I need today. 20 minutes and I was Raging about this other thing that was happening and I was like, that's it. I'm just gonna I'm gonna sit And I am going to meditate and that should help me not feel anything. cause that's what I would like right now is to not feel that rage cause I've shit I have to get done and the anger isn't helping. so I sat down and I was like, la, so angry. And after two minutes of just being pissed off while breathing, I was like, that's enough. That's not going to help. whatever this is supposed to do, it's not doing it today. Okay.

Sarah:

back, so we're back to, it's just fucking hard.

Chris:

Sorry. And you don't get to see immediate results, which again is my problem. I don't mind not being good at it, as long as I can get good at it in a very short period of time. Which obviously I'm not gonna be able to do here.

Sarah:

I just have to keep going back. Like last week was really good and I even found myself in moments like, I was doing something with Owen. Oh, we just took it. We took a ride to Sam's club. We had to pick up cookie, a cookie platter or some shit. And on the way back, we. I don't even know what I was thinking about, but it was something that was the dumbest. Like I just, no need for me to be thinking about it. And I stopped myself and was like, wait a second, here I am in the car with my 15 year old who I don't get a lot of time with. Like maybe I should stop with this whole thinking shit. And just sit here and talk to him and be in this moment with him. And that thought process came from the successful meditating that I had done earlier in the week. So I just have to keep remembering that. And it's the same thing, like I just told you a few minutes ago, I know that I'm a better person when I wake up in the morning. So I need to do that. It's the same fucking thing.

Chris:

I am going to create a little atomic habit for myself. And that is to turn my podcast on. Cause I like that, right? Like I like listening to the podcast. I haven't had time to do it because I've been working in and doing other stuff so much lately. so I'm going to call you, which holds me accountable, which makes it shameful for me not to do it. if I don't call you then, then you win in my head and

Sarah:

Yeah. And now I'm going to set my alarm and I have to be up before you even call me. So

Chris:

I'm sorry that it's like that, but that's. That's the way that it is.

Sarah:

yeah. But I feel like it's going to work out. I mean the longest period I think I went getting up early and working out, was when I was working out with Heather before COVID and that was because someone else was getting up early with me and not relying on me, but expecting me.

Chris:

like I feel

Sarah:

is the same thing.

Chris:

a sense of duty to you to make sure that I get you up because that's good for you. And then it's not just me trying to get myself up. And I get to listen to a podcast and I get to be like super productive in the morning which is when I'm good at that. So that when one o'clock rolls around and I'm fucking around, Looking at shit on my phone. Then I'm like, oh, it's okay. Cause I did work like 14 hours already or whatever the math works out to be. But I think that the ability to make those decisions comes from the ability to pause your thinking. And. Pausing your thinking is really hard.

Sarah:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chris:

snooze. I do it without even thinking about it now. I hit the right spot. and that is the kind of 90 percent unhappier, places that we could go.

Sarah:

90 percent unhappier. So

Chris:

Yeah, that's how,

Sarah:

gonna write.

Chris:

Here are the ways to make yourself 90 percent unhappier. Ignore your alarm. Keep doing it.

Sarah:

Listen, I could write the shit out of that book.

Chris:

That's also the title of this episode now. 90 percent unhappier. Fuck you, Dan Harris. This guy.

Sarah:

Oh, fuck.

Chris:

training your brain to, be able to pull the emotion out of it, because the emotion is, No, man, I'm comfy. I want to sleep. I deserve to sleep. I'm entitled to sleep. I convince myself of that every morning.

Sarah:

Oh my goodness. Yeah. You did this. This is what you did yesterday. This is what you did. You were up late with this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

Chris:

this is the unfortunate, thinking part. They just have to, rein in. we'll create a little atomic habit for ourselves, and we'll meditate so that we are able to act on the good decision we know we should make. Can I tell you what happened this morning at breakfast?

Sarah:

Yeah, I

Chris:

So I had breakfast with two work colleagues this morning. these two work colleagues were up a little bit late last night, and had probably had some cocktails. So the two of them come stumbling, bumbling down to breakfast at 7 a. m. And one of them threw a sausage at me. And the other one said, you're probably used to that.

Sarah:

I was just gonna say, I bet it's been a minute since you had a sausage in your face.

Chris:

And this is how my day started.

Sarah:

I feel like that's a great way to start your day, actually. Not so much the sausage in your face, but just that whole story.

Chris:

I was like, what just happened here? And the two of them are rolling, literally rolling on the floor, laughing,

Sarah:

Are they still, they were still a little bit drunk?

Chris:

I'm going to guess, I'm going to guess, I'm like, what happened after I went to bed? And they were like, we're not sure how the night ended. I was like,

Sarah:

nah. You know what? I'm not sure what happened, but here's a wiener in your face. a sausage in your face.

Chris:

I'm like, why are you throwing sausages at me? You're used to it.

Sarah:

Yeah.

Chris:

I was like everyone, you all shut up.

Sarah:

Everybody. Yeah. Fuck off. Fuck off.

Chris:

that's how we're going to end it with people thinking about me getting sausage thrown at me.

Sarah:

I like that. I like that. Can we take, can you cut out the election part, please?

Chris:

We'll just go, we'll just go right from atomic habits, positive ways to sausage in my face,

Sarah:

I like it. I like it. Less happy.

Chris:

90 percent unhappier.

Sarah:

Unhappy, that's what it is. 90% unhappy with the sausage in your face.

Chris:

And, for those of you people that thought maybe I was happy all the time, here's your episode. Here's my episode.

Sarah:

I don't think you're happy all the time.

Chris:

You're my sister. me. I portray myself as someone who is like very happy all the time, easygoing.

Sarah:

too.

Chris:

I'm not. I'm wound up tighter than a ball of something that's wound up pretty tight.

Sarah:

I'm not even gonna say what I came to my mind. Okay.

Chris:

Did it have anything to do with sausages?

Sarah:

No, it had to do with assholes. So

Chris:

He stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.

Sarah:

There you go Mm

Chris:

Bueller quote for the day. And, alright, I'm gonna hang up. or at least stop recording. I love you.

Sarah:

Love you, too.

Chris:

Love you, bye!

Sarah:

Love you. Bye

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Christine Kanalis

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Sarah Leibhart

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