The Mental Funny Bone

Bare Bones Banter Episode 2: AFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

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Bare Bones Banter: From Tragedy to Hope - A Deep Dive into Mental Health Advocacy


Join the Gaster Girls in this compelling episode of 'Bare Bones Banter' as they engage with Jesse Putkoski, the Area Director for the Western Pennsylvania Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). This episode weaves through personal stories of loss and healing, the powerful mission of AFSP, and the crucial role of community and volunteerism in suicide prevention. Highlights include engaging discussions on mental health awareness, impactful educational programs in schools, building community partnerships, and practical advice for parents. Tune in for heartfelt conversations that aim to destigmatize mental health, provide support through community walks, and highlight the importance of self-care, all in a bid to foster hope, healing, and unity.

Link to AFSP Western Pennsylvania Chapter
https://afsp.org/chapter/western-pennsylvania

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Chris:

That's perfect.

Sarah:

All right. Welcome to Bare Bones Banter with the Gaster Girls. Our guest today is Jesse, I can't say your last name.

Jesse:

Putkoski.

Sarah:

Bukowski. it seems like that was pretty simple. I should have given it a try. Definitely should have given it a try. Jesse is the, I'm going to read here, AFSP Western Pennsylvania Chapter Area Director. So AFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. So welcome, Jesse. Thank you for joining us.

Jesse:

Yes, thank you for having me, absolutely.

Sarah:

Awesome.

Chris:

Jesse. Can I?

Sarah:

Okay. I just wanted to make sure they knew you were here.

Chris:

Yeah, I'm here. I'm here. Can I, Jesse, can I tell you what I've been doing to your last name since we've, since we've been talking, I've been changing it into Kapowski, like Kelly Kapowski on Saved by the Bell.

Jesse:

It's okay.

Chris:

It's not even close.

Jesse:

no it's not. The ski, you got the ski part. You got the

Chris:

her name?

Sarah:

I don't know what her name was, but I like Kapow. Like I, I thought that's what you meant. Like Kapow, like right up in your face. Kapowski. I don't know. Definitely

Jesse:

was her name? I don't even know now.

Chris:

I have to carry on while I Google Kelly's last name on Saved by the Bell.

Sarah:

Maybe it was Kapowski.

Jesse:

You had

Sarah:

You're probably

Chris:

I feel,

Jesse:

it.

Chris:

I have a pretty good grasp of Saved by the Bell.

Sarah:

I'm not sure what

Chris:

But that's not, that's, that's not why we're here.

Sarah:

Correct.

Chris:

It is. It's Kapowski. Kelly

Sarah:

Ah, well done, Christine. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Chris:

Played by actress Tiffany Amber Thiessen. Cause that was gonna be the next thing I had to Google.

Sarah:

The, the grown up version of her is in White Collar on USA. Have you watched that? Have either of you watched that?

Jesse:

I haven't, but she also has her own cookbook. And does a lot of videos about how to cook things. and she looks fricking fabulous. I'll tell you that.

Sarah:

I think she looks better now than she did in Saved by the Bell.

Jesse:

yeah, I agree.

Chris:

Zach wasn't gonna pick a loser.

Sarah:

Right. You are

Jesse:

was AC Slater

Chris:

Ugh,

Sarah:

AC

Chris:

me started.

Sarah:

Oh, man.

Jesse:

little Mario Lopez.

Sarah:

I need to go back and watch some of that. We'll see if

Chris:

Well, I mean,

Jesse:

I don't know if it's on Netflix. They used to play it on USA as like a, reruns, but I'm not sure what they do anymore. And Haley Joel Osment used to be in, not Haley Joel Osment, what's her name? she was in Pollyanna and the Parent Trap. to be on it,

Chris:

that was just a great show. Coming home from school, throwing that on, knowing your parents weren't gonna be home for another ten hours.

Sarah:

What house

Jesse:

Exactly. Laughter

Sarah:

Things that I do not remember. Things that I do not remember from growing up. All right.

Chris:

All get on with it.

Sarah:

you here for a reason, so we should probably actually let you talk instead of talking about our of childhood memories. I'm Kaylee

Jesse:

Mills. I had to look it up. It was Haley Mills who was in Saved by the Belt and the Parent Trap and Pollyanna. Haley Mills. I had the first name right. Laughter

Sarah:

appreciate that you're already into this. this is what we do throughout the whole podcast. We talk about random shit and then one of us has to, so I feel like you're fitting in perfectly. So that's awesome. It's perfect.

Jesse:

now we can get back on track.

Sarah:

So now let's move back on track. I do have some questions that of course I've already shared with you. So we'll get into those. and of course I'd like it to be, the name of it is bare bones banter. So I'd like it to be just open. Just discussion, about the foundation, about you, just to catch our listeners up. Can you tell us what is American Foundation Suicide, for suicide prevention?

Jesse:

so it is, it's a nonprofit organization. It's a national organization, with chapters in all 50 states. And we also have one in Puerto Rico. it is a voluntary health organization and it gives, it gives people a way to, a nationwide community that's. That kind of comes together to save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide. And that's our mission, is to save lives and bring hope to those affected by suicide. And we do it in a lot of different ways. and we connect with people who've experienced a loss as well as people who have had, lived experience or have lived experience. So anyone who's struggled with suicidal ideation or has possibly made a suicide attempt. So we do a lot of things out in our community.

Sarah:

And you mentioned, volunteer. I know when we had First met you, you mentioned that everything's a volunteer basis. that I think that you're one of few that would be in a paid role in the, foundation. Correct.

Jesse:

Correct. So we, we have a national. Office with people who are employed, and then I am the chapter staff person. So I am the only paid employee for our chapter. else is done at the chapter level by volunteers. each chapter has 1 or 2, maybe 3 staff people, depending on which chapter you're looking at and then. The work is done by a volunteer board, a working board, and then we have volunteers underneath them as well.

Sarah:

Okay. That's awesome. I know that's pretty impressive because being at the, at the walk recently, just seeing the amount of volunteers

Jesse:

Yeah,

Sarah:

and knowing that, that was just, that walk was just for your chapter, correct?

Jesse:

that's correct. Yeah, that, was just for the Western PA chapter. Hold on. My dog's about to eat cat food. Hold on.

Sarah:

Go ahead.

Jesse:

Okay.

Sarah:

Yes,

Jesse:

So I was told not to let her eat cat food. So I had to move her away from the cat food. All right, I'm back. yeah, so the,

Sarah:

like you should join us for every episode now,'cause you've done several things thus far that we do as we record. anyway, go ahead,

Jesse:

yeah, so the walk where I met you, that was the Pittsburgh walk, and it is the largest out of the darkness walk that we have in Western PA. And it really, it brings in a lot of the money that allows us to, do the work that we do as a chapter. We also have four, four other, community walks that take place in other parts of Western PA that are absolutely fantastic. There's one in Cambria County that happened the weekend after the Pittsburgh walk, There's one in Erie that happened on the 22nd. There was one that just this past weekend in Washington County. And then our final one is coming up in Lawrence County on October 5th in Newcastle. So all of those events help us to raise funds to continue the work that we do as an organization.

Sarah:

Wow, that's great. That's a, you're doing a lot of walking

Jesse:

I don't participate. I don't actually walk the walks, but I do walk around a lot during the walks. So it all I think I do put in the miles anyway,

Sarah:

Yeah. I saw you a bit, at the Pittsburgh walk, and I know that you were definitely putting in some miles. what,

Chris:

getting the steps in. Hey, Sarah, can I ask a question?

Sarah:

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Of course.

Chris:

might be one you already have written down, but, Jesse, what kind of things do you use that money for? What kind of outreach and programs do you guys have? I'm sorry, that was likely a question Sarah was going to ask you and I have a control problem.

Jesse:

it goes along with, with the four pillars, which I know we were going to talk about, but it feeds into that. So we have, so we focus on core strategies or our four pillars, which is funding scientific research, which is actually the largest private funder of scientific research for suicide prevention in the United States. we do education. So at the chapter level, we go out and educate the public about mental health and suicide prevention. We also do advocacy work. We connect with our legislators and representatives both, statewide and, nationwide, federally. To talk about better funding, better resources, specifically around, 988, things that they should be paying attention to, bills that they should be passing, maybe ones that they should be steering clear of, that would probably, if they were enacted, maybe be harmful for certain communities and their mental health. we also provide support for survivors of suicide loss and those affected by suicide. And that's through other programs that we have as well. and we try to reach as we can. as many people in the population within the 25 counties as possible. And we actually have been increasing our reach, which is actually, which is great. So that's what the funds help us to do.

Sarah:

Awesome. Christine, do you have other questions that you would like to throw in or do we want to just take our turn? I'll go next. Then you go next.

Chris:

you go ahead. you have a nice outline and I'm ruining it.

Sarah:

No, you're not. That was perfect. It was one of the questions, but they're questions we want to get to. So it's fine. It doesn't matter the way that we go. We touched on

Chris:

okay, cool.

Sarah:

which is what I had in there. and then next, Jesse, what, and I know I've said in emails and whatnot, this is part where you share with us whatever you're comfortable sharing with us, but, we'd like to know a little bit of your personal background and what really drew you to the foundation.

Jesse:

my father, Gary, he, died by suicide September 21st of 2010. And I was living in Richmond, Virginia at the time. I'm from Pittsburgh. I grew up in O'Hara Township. but I'd moved down to Virginia for work. I was teaching there and that's whenever we got the call saying that he had passed away and I moved back up here, back up to Pittsburgh, the following June. it actually took me a little bit of time to find the foundation. I was, it was pretty random actually. I was going through old Facebook messages. thinking that there was one in there from my dad. And I was just bored one night looking up Facebook messages and I saw an old one from someone I was friends with on Facebook asking for donations for the foundation. And I was like, what a jerk am I? Then I ignored this whenever she sent it. because now I've been impacted by it and I should pay attention to these things. So I ended up looking it up. Found, the local chapter and found a local walk, and my sister and a few friends of ours went out to it. It was actually at, Cal U, which is, I know it's Penn West, California, but Cal U and, We didn't know about the Pittsburgh walk at that point. Somehow that one didn't pop up on, on the search, but we ended up at this, at the smaller walk and, we raised a bunch of money for it and we came together walked that day. And then the following year we started going to the Pittsburgh walk and I decided try volunteering. I signed up to become a volunteer for the chapter. Was elected to the board. and then the staff person, the staff position became available. So I applied and I've been the area director since 2019. So it's, it was a weird journey, to have gone through, such a tragic experience and find myself here. I said this at the walk, Sarah, I began this, I, my connection to this cause started because of, I lost my dad and then I, I've met so many amazing people along the way, volunteers, community partners, the people who we go out and speak with students, faculty, just so many great people out there doing this work. other lost survivors connecting with them. my connection has changed. It's not just because. Of the loss. It's not because, and I say this, said this at the walk, where this journey began because of heartbreak and love, it's continued because along the, along this path, I found hope, healing, strength, friendship, and even more love because we all come together at these events, not because. You our love has, the love has been lost, but because it has continued because the people who we've lost, we love them, we will continue to love them and we want to honor them. And be together in this journey of fighting suicide and knowing that we're standing there together, not alone and what we've experienced. So it's, it's been a hard road, but it's been a fulfilling one. So I would like to have him back, but, but considering everything that's happened, I'm the, people have, people will do with the loss and what I've done with the loss has helped people and that, and I know that, so

Sarah:

And that's why I was going to say, I ask you more, how important do you think the foundation and your involvement and everything has been to your healing?

Jesse:

it's been very important. it's been great, especially coming into it as a volunteer, getting to meet, other volunteers who have gone through this. So It creates a, almost like a camaraderie and a little bit of a family. any losses, any loss by any means is very tragic, but this is a very specific kind of loss. and the emotions and the feelings and the aftermath. That takes place after this kind of loss is very different. to have a community of people to just stand with you and work through it together is very healing. and it does provide a lot of strength.

Sarah:

It's awesome. Thank you guys for what you do. I'll talk more later about our experience with the walk this year because it was pretty, yeah, it was a good experience, but I'd like to save that and get into that a little bit later. let me look at educational programs that you guys do. So you guys get out into, the community. With the educational programs, what types of places are you guys reaching out to and going to? And, are those places that are reaching out to you? Do you guys reach out to them? How exactly do you guys do the educational programs?

Jesse:

so we, we will go anywhere. we'll do whatever we can. we, we go into schools and we have, cause we have programs specific for middle school and high school students. we got, we go out into this, just the community, at large as well. We also have programs for school personnel and for parents too. And we're just, we want to make sure that we're getting that information out there in the warning signs and risk factors, any sort of help that we can provide just so people know where resources exist and who to turn to if something's going on, how to have conversations with people if they're, if you're worried about them, if you're worried about yourself, and where to start with all of those things. And when it comes to how we get into these places, um, we go to a lot of tabling events. In the community, so community partners will invite us to come and set up a resource table and we meet people that way, where they take our information or give us their information and say that they are interested in having us come in and do a presentation. Um, so it's word of mouth a lot of also a lot of connections that we have through our local task forces help us get connected to these. to these people and to the communities and the schools. so it's a lot of them reaching out to us as well. So it's, it goes both ways. it just depends on, on how they want to do it. we need to make sure, especially with the school system, that they're okay with us coming in. So there's a little bit of, a little bit of work, but All of the schools we've done the programs in have just been so grateful. It's been a really great time getting in there and talking with the students. Students thank us for coming and the ones that we go out and do in the community, same thing. They just, they're, I've done the presentation. I don't know how many times. And sometimes, a lot of times they actually do some, as it says, like I, I didn't know any of this. These are things I was unaware of things to look out for, and it actually gets them thinking sometimes about, maybe someone who is close to them who is maybe exhibiting any signs that they should be paying attention to and maybe starting that conversation. always say, it doesn't matter how big of an audience we have. If we just, if we connect with or help one person, then we've done our job.

Sarah:

For sure. when it comes to parents, what type of, like when you go into the schools, so you're, you have a middle school, high schools that you go to, do you find that, I don't know if you get feedback from parents. Do you find that, do parents have to agree to let the kids?

Jesse:

So we do recommend, we recommend to the school that if they're having us come in, whether it's a small classroom presentation or a larger presentation to an assembly, we often recommend to the school to let parents know that we are coming in to do the presentation, even though it doesn't focus, that one specifically doesn't focus on, suicide. It talks more about mental health and how to take care of your mental health, how to how mental health and physical health overlap and how to notice when things feeling right. And the signs to look out for. And if somebody, if a friend of yours is saying certain things or acting a certain way, what should you do? Um, but we do ask, we do recommend that they let the parents know. And then if the parent would like to opt Their child out of the presentation than that they have that ability. So we want to make, we want to be mindful of what's going on in their lives and their comfort level too.

Sarah:

But I think that's one of the big problem, a big problem we face is parents not having I think. The right knowledge and the parents, throwing their head into the sand and ignoring it. um, how do we get this word out to parents? I'm assuming just by what you're doing, is there anything extra that you do that we try to get more information into the hands of parents?

Jesse:

it's, and you think whenever things happen with, our kids, it's scary to think that's, what's going on in their lives and, and how the best way to deal with it. So it's understandable that. That some parents are hesitant to, to do, to say anything and take some action because maybe, like you said, they're not quite sure of what to do, how to handle it and where they can find that help and that support. and a lot of times whenever we. We get into, we get to talk to the parents. it's because we've been asked to and we, when we have a presentation specifically for them, again, things look out for ways to talk to your child. If these things are happening, or, what happens if they're a friend of theirs is going through something and you notice it. So a bunch of different ways to educate. educate the parents about how to connect with their kids and other kids as well. And to get help. but it is like you said about getting the word out about the presentation and about what we do. And that's what we've been trying to do. we, we do. We've gotten into a lot of places, but we're still trying to do more. And it helps whenever, again, we have those connections with our community partners who know what it is that we're doing and know the programs that we have and just, Maintaining those relationships. So that way they know that we're a resource and we're here and we do all of our programs at no cost. So that's a great thing that we're going out that we want to go out there and make sure people know about this. And we don't want to charge people for this knowledge. And that's fantastic. So, that's what makes our relationships with the community partners in the task force is so important is that they know that we do these things. And whenever somebody comes to them and says, Hey, you we have this group or that group, and we, they want a presentation, we want them to come to you. And that's, we want to know, we're all working towards the same goal, right? We want to work together. So we want to make sure that we're doing the work together. and that's, what's important.

Chris:

I, I love that. as the parent of somebody who feels like they, they should have been more aware, they should have seen. More things, like I wish that I would have had, I wish something that I was involved with would have had a program like that. So I would have been able to have those conversations with Olivia and Jesse. I don't know if you remember, but my daughter, attempted suicide when she was 14. And I didn't have any idea what to do. I didn't have any idea what to talk to her about and having resources where at least I would have been able to remember Oh, I know how to have this conversation with her. I know, the available, it. The places where we can maybe get her some help and where to go from that. That would have been that would have been amazing. yeah, so I would like I would just Throw in there. if anybody who's listening is involved with it with an organization where we would have the opportunity to get more information out there to parents to take advantage of that. I'm sure we'll have the Jesse's information and Sarah. I'm sure this is probably someplace later, but, yeah, I would just encourage, organizations to give Jesse a platform in a place to talk. Our kids are involved in so many things and in so many activities, and there's so many things that we hear that we see that we get from those organizations and maybe some information that kind of helps support mental health for our kids is, is something that we should see more on a routine basis. yeah, I don't think that we can talk about it enough. And I don't think that we could prepare parents to, to have those conversations. Sarah and I talk about it all the time. I know exactly what to do. If Olivia breaks her arm, I knew exactly what to do or where to go when she needed stitches. Like I knew the difference between urgent care and, but I had no idea what to do when it was really clear that she needed some help with her mental health, even before her attempt.

Jesse:

and that's, what's hard is that people don't know where to turn. Don't know the right people to talk to. and like you said, like educating people on how to have those conversations. I didn't know how to talk to my dad. I was the kid, but I did not know how to talk to him. We knew that there was stuff going on with him. He was. He talked to us about it. and we knew the things that he thought and what, the deterioration, we saw the deterioration, but we didn't know how to have a helpful conversation with him, where to point him. what direction to point him to, to get help. And, we were hearing things from him, I'm okay. I'm not going to do that to you guys, that kind of thing. We were hearing, these were the things that we were hearing. And we were like, oh, okay, you're saying this stuff. So we're going to believe you when. We should have been taking more action and we just, we were uneducated and we were young and didn't really know how, again, have those healthy, helpful sorts of conversations and really listen to what he was saying, cause that's one of the things that we talk about, listen with the intention to understand, not to fix. And I know, especially, a lot of people. Parents, anyone, when we see something going on with something, somebody we love, we want to fix it. We don't want to just be like, so we want, we, we want to, we're, we're solution based people. And that's what we really want to be able to do. But when the actual help is. Is just to listen and hear what they're saying and then figure out what the next steps are and with them. And I didn't know how to do that at all. and I, I, I don't blame myself for that. because I wasn't educated about it. And I didn't know, but I wish I had, because like you said, those conversations weren't happening. This wasn't something that we were used to experiencing and no one sits you down and says, okay, if this happens, this is what you do. This is what you say. And, not like you said, with a broken arm, there's a broken arm, you go to the doctor, if there's a, if you have the flu, you take this medicine, if that's not how, that's not how this works. And we didn't know how it worked.

Sarah:

Going back to, the programs and whatnot in schools and wherever, I just, as a parent, always come back to the schools, do you do, do you have schools that you, partner with on a regular basis that you're doing these, The events where presentations or whatever, however you want to call them. do you have schools that you do like on a repeated basis every year or is it constantly changing?

Jesse:

we have ones that reach out to us every year to come in and do it with their health classes for their ninth graders. altered ice is one of them in North Hills High School is one of them. we just got through a really big, it was like it was in the spring, but a really big presentation. kind of week over two weeks with, Pine Richland, which was fantastic because we've been partnering with them for a few years on other things, but never had actually done the presentation. But then we finally got to do the presentation. we go out to Lincoln, junior, senior high school in, Elwood City every year as well. And there are a few others that I know I'm forgetting, but, but we, they definitely have us come in. On a yearly basis to get this information to the, to like the middle school students, and then the high school freshmen. and it's great that they find such value in what we're doing, that they want us to come back.

Sarah:

Yeah, for sure. So let's say as a parent, I would like to know if you've gone into my school, my son's school, and if not, how do I help as a parent get you connected to the school?

Jesse:

So you can, if you have any connections at the school, guidance counselor, specifically, principal, you just put them in touch with us. If they're open to having the. The program in the school, we work with them to schedule a time, we've done it, like I said, a Stanley style, we've done it in small classroom settings. So it's however they feel comfortable having us present the information. We do always suggest, especially a larger setting, having the guidance counselors present, and even a smaller setting, having them available. so that way, if anybody needs to talk or, step out and have a conversation that. That they have that, but it is about getting connected, like I said, the counseling office or the principal and just getting those conversations started with us.

Sarah:

Okay. Awesome. I think I'll do that. something you said. When you were talking about Pine Richland, you said that you partnered with them with other stuff. What's the other stuff that you partner with them for?

Jesse:

So Pine Ridgeland has, a, I'm going to, I'm blanking on and I don't know why, because Leslie is fantastic and she's who we work with there, but they have, a, student organization, that every year does and I'm going to look it up because I'm going to, I want to make sure that I know it's their peer to peer their peer to peer group, that focuses specifically on, helping each other out, obviously, peer to peer and, mental health and each year they. They host a color run for us. their school had experienced a few losses years ago, and that's when they found us and they do a color run that raises money for the organization. So we go to the color run and give out resources and a bunch of things for the kids. And then we've been working with them to get the program into the school. And like I said, this past spring we did, so it was, we were providing them with, just hands out, handouts and resources hands out, for a long time. but then to actually be able to go in and do the program was great. that's what we were doing with them.

Sarah:

Okay. let's see. I have the notes that I wrote before and then I have a bunch of little sticky notes that I've been writing on. the mention of, partnerships, what other types of organizations do you have partnerships with in the community?

Jesse:

So we work with, with NAMI. We work with behavioral health organizations in Beaver County. We work with, Beaver County behavioral health, also in Mercer County. We work with their behavioral health group. We train them to do our presentations it's just that's that's that's a lot of the work that we do. It's partnering with mental health organizations and other, healthcare organizations like UPMC. UPMC has actually been an incredible supporter of our events for a few years, and specifically, I work with Donna Pandulo at UPMC and she's always a huge supporter, gets a huge team to the Pittsburgh Walk, and they've sponsored a number of our events and they really help us get out into the community as well. so it's really, about, again, talking to people and making sure they know that we're here and cultivating and growing those relationships. And yeah, that's where a lot of those connections come from.

Sarah:

Okay. Christine, do you have any questions? I feel like I'm

Chris:

I, I think no, you're doing great. Um, Given that, that we have tens and tens of listeners, Jesse, you can impact each one of them right now. what do you think that the most important piece of advice you would give somebody? So let's say like you feel like somebody in your life is struggling and needs a little bit of help and you want to have a conversation with them, if you could give us like. the cliff notes. how do I start that conversation? How do I have that conversation? It's so hard.

Jesse:

it's actually, it can be just as simple as, are you okay? I've noticed you haven't been yourself recently, and maybe even saying I've noticed this specifically, it doesn't seem like you. you've been wanting to go out and whatever, about the person, anything that kind of seems out of the norm, you can just say, I've noticed these things have been going on, you is there something you want to talk about? Is there anything that I can, I can help with? and people shy away from this and they shouldn't, but asking the question, if there's showing any of like warning signs and we know about the risk factors, asking the question, are you Thinking of taking your life, ask the question. there are so many, are you having suicidal thoughts? Are you thinking about suicide? Because there are so many people who are scared to ask that question. They think asking the question is going to increase the risk. But in truth, it actually helps to decrease the risk because now the conversation has started and now you can hear what their answer is and get them to help. If that's what's actually going on and it might not be what's going on, but still, they might still might be something happening in their life that they would like to talk about. And now you've become. You've become that, that kind of open door. And they know that you're a safe person for them to talk to about these things and get them connected to any sort of help that they might need. people think it's going to put it in their head. If you ask that question, it's not if it's not already there, so it's not all of a sudden going to become the solution. If it wasn't something that the solution, but what they see is the solution. if it wasn't already going on in there in their mind. And then just again, have, again, I listen without judgment. I said, the intention is to understand not to fix, don't shame blame or guilt them for what they're doing or how they've been behaving. don't gossip about them or anything like that. Just let them know that you're there to listen. you talking to them privately. And then seeing what you can do to get them who they would be comfortable with talking with this more about and where you can get those resources and how you can find that help. if they already have a therapist, encouraging them to make an appointment. So there are A lot of things that we can do and just making sure that we're part of their support system, while taking care of ourselves, because that can be heavy, to help somebody who's going through something difficult, but, making sure that they know that we're like on the line, they can pick up a phone and call us, text us if that's what they need. So,

Chris:

I like that a lot. I find that we're often like whispering the word suicide and I maybe think that we don't need to do that. I think the more that we can talk about it and say it out loud and give it a name to how we're feeling the, the better we're going to be able to help our friends who need help and the better we're going to be able to articulate what's going on with ourselves. And there's just no shame in it at all.

Jesse:

no, and that's, that's actually one of our programs is called talk saves lives of talking about this saves lives. And it's, that's, it just says it right there. And like you said, the shame that stigma that surrounds having mental health conditions or having suicidal thoughts, it's where we're battling against that stigma. Constantly because there's no there should be no stigma attached to it. Health is health. If we were, if we broke the arm, if we had the would go get help. It's physical health. This is mental health. Health is health and one impacts the other way. They overlap in so many ways. And If we're not taking care of one, then we're not taking care of both. and that's where we need to change the culture and the understanding about mental health is that there's no weakness in getting help for it. There's no shame in getting help for it. There's strength in those things and just an encouraging and making it encouraging to do that, to get the help.

Chris:

Yep. That's what we do every week.

Sarah:

we try to get

Chris:

Tens and tens of listeners.

Jesse:

Hey, tens and tens is better than zero, tens and tens is Well, like I said earlier, even if you're just Helping one person it matters. So

Sarah:

Yeah. Every once in a while, we'll get an email that's Hey, I started therapy because of you guys. And it's like, all right, we're going to keep doing it. It's like the game of golf. Like I do one thing right. And then I'll go back and play again. although

Jesse:

Well, I'm, I'm happy you feel that way about golf. I do not

Sarah:

Yeah, I guess

Chris:

Nope. No, thank you.

Sarah:

in years.

Jesse:

more of a mini golfer

Sarah:

yeah, mini golf is more my speed these days. talking about self help and taking care of yourself, you, I feel like probably see a lot here, a lot, just by way of your job and what you do, how do you make sure that your mental health is. strong that you are taking care of yourself.

Jesse:

I also see it a therapist. i've seen one before I got this job and I continue to see one so that's helpful, strength and therapy. Hope and therapy and then I also have I have a good I have really good friends. I have a good support system within my friend circle who I know. I can lean on, specifically, some more than others, but, but I know that they're there if I need them that they will, they'll help me, family support as well. And then, so just again, that support network is really important. And then in terms of other things, I like to, I read, I. Go on now walks because my feet decided to hate running and I bike and I have a bike and I go to kettlebell and I actually made a new group of friends. Over the years from just going to Kettlebell and that's great. So that's a great community of people too. there's so many different things that anyone can do. And those are the things that I do, listening to whatever music I like, that's either going to pump me up or just help me get the emotions out in any way that I need to. I'm not super artistic, so I don't really find help with that, but I do love a good Lego set. And I put those together. if I had an infinite amount of money, I would have so many Lego sets. and I was really excited whenever Lego ideas made the A frame because that is the house I would love to live in. I would love to live in a, in an A frame. I would do this a frame a house, I don't have one yet, so maybe someday. but I will sit there with the television on and build my Lego sets and I get really excited whenever new ones come out. So that's also like a therapeutic thing for me it can look, I can look. In any, in so many different ways. I, people like to travel. I like to do that whenever I can, but, Legos and Chris, I saw you.

Sarah:

Yep.

Chris:

when Olivia went off to school and abandoned me, and left me alone with just her father, I got super into the Legos. that's what I did. I was like, I'm going to make the Harry Potter castle and then I'm going to build a dragon. And then I got the whole office sets. Like

Jesse:

Yeah, it's great. I have the Harry Potter castle sitting right over here and I'm saving up money to buy Gringotts right now. yeah, they're, Yeah, I love putting them together. It's just something, unless you put it together wrong, and then you have to tear it apart, and then that's frustrating.

Chris:

great. takes it the other way.

Jesse:

I know. Luckily, they give you like tools to help you out. yeah.

Sarah:

now. Christine,

Jesse:

They're great.

Sarah:

great gift for you to buy me for Christmas.

Chris:

Yeah. I'll just get two of everyone. We'll do them together. We'll get a Lego podcast going.

Jesse:

actually have a friend who does that. He buys two sets of the ones he wants. Because one he plans to build, which he's never built. And one he plans to just keep in the box. It's for, maybe down the line if he ever wants to try and sell it, but he bought the Titanic one and I think he might have two of them and that's not a cheap set. And I was like, what are you going to, do you, are you ever going to build it? Cause if not,

Sarah:

I know a girl

Jesse:

I'll do it.

Chris:

Donate that to a friend

Jesse:

that that to a good cause, also known as Jesse. but yeah, I'm just there. it's, that's one of the fun things that I like to do. That's it's my alone time, but what my husband bought me the tree house for Christmas years ago. And he said, can I help you put this together? And I was like, this is not a collaborative effort.

Sarah:

No,

Jesse:

No, this is.

Sarah:

not.

Jesse:

Just me. I'll buy you your own and you can put that together over there, but I'm I'm good. So

Sarah:

Yeah, I think the most

Chris:

that I'd like,

Sarah:

is that it's not, the self help and the making sure that you're okay is not, it's not one size fits all that we have to find our own. and it's good to talk to other people to see what they do to get some ideas, but ultimately we have to decide ourselves what's going to, what's going to help us move forward. I guess to put it that way, is

Jesse:

Well, I mean, we say, you know, rest and don't be afraid to try something new. So

Sarah:

Yeah, that's hard for me. it's hard for me, but I'll get there. I'll get there. there

Chris:

I got one more question.

Sarah:

Okay. Good.

Chris:

So Jesse, I know we talked about this when we were on the phone the first time. There's a, there's the need to whisper the word suicide, right? Like we, we just see that all the time. how do you talk to someone who's been affected? By it. how do you approach somebody who's lost someone who's, or who's been affected? I find that I always feel like, oh, I'm just a, I'm a pretend person who's been affected cause I still have Olivia. and it's a challenge for me to find a way to, show my support and show my sympathy and my empathy without being like, sorry, And then just immediately turning in and running away. Oh, and Sarah, you have your hand up,

Sarah:

Yeah. I just want to say, I think this is a great question and I'm, I can't wait for the answer because it's something that, and I think it was on the walk day or I'm making that up, but we talked with, Jackie and Ed about how like at times there'll be out in public and they'll see somebody in the grocery store and that person will legit be like, and run the other way. maybe not that drastic, but, people

Jesse:

yeah,

Sarah:

So how can we help people not avoid that?

Jesse:

not avoid it. it's that's, that is a, it's a good, it is a good question. Um, in my experience. Just in this job. I'm not afraid to talk about it. and I think people, I like talking about my dad, I like talking about the silly things that he did and even the really annoying things that he did. And even on the walk day, it was raining. And I don't know if I talked to you guys about this beforehand, but I was like, I've, every time, if it's raining during something, I need it to not rain for my art, Gary, let's get it together. We don't need it to rain today. it's, I think us talking about it and being comfortable in that space is important. and I don't, it doesn't matter if you haven't experienced a loss, what, whatever has gone on and you're like, Christine, I, when I went into a school, A few years ago, I was doing a presentation with the students and I do tell them about my connection. I don't go into detail, but I say, these, this might be stuff you already know, and that's great, but it's good to have a reminder and just ways to talk to our people. this is what I, my. I got involved with this because I lost my dad and I didn't know how to have those conversations. So for the people in the room who don't know, that's what this is for. and it's a reminder for the people who do. And there was a student at the front of the room who was quiet. She wasn't really, talking very much. But after I said that, she came up to me and she said, think, and she's I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. my dad. has had those thoughts and he attempted, but he, and I was like, is he, I was like, so is he okay? And she said, he's okay. Now we got him help. And I was like, that's really great. I said, that's fantastic. and I'm really happy. I'm really happy. And she's, and I was like, thank you for sharing that with me. because it's hard to talk, it's hard, again, that you, like you said, we whisper the word, we don't, it's behind closed doors. We don't know how people are going to react. But for me to hear that somebody has gotten the help, um, and that they didn't, that didn't happen to them, I, they didn't experience what I experienced. It's, that's good. That's a good thing. because I don't want people to have gone through this. I don't want people to have, experience that loss or that pain. to know that, what we're telling people to go out there and do is working is really important. so just, just because it was, these are things that we try to do to help people, but it's not always, it's not a hundred percent foolproof. It's not going to be like, yes, now that we've had these conversations, they're definitely going to be okay. Um, yeah. We just want to people to know that these are things they can try to do to help somebody and to know that. There are people out there getting the help and having those conversations and it's working is good to know because again, we don't want someone to experience this and there's no shame in that either. There's no shame in any of it. So. when people don't want to come up and talk to me about what's happened, or if I tell them what's happened and they all of a sudden shut down, it's not because of what happened to me. It's because they don't know how to process it or how to say the right thing. and it's, and I know that. and it's nothing against them either. it's just the way it goes. So

Chris:

Yeah. I think you just do the, you do the best you can. You be as sympathetic as you can be, and you have to understand that. And I think that the more we do talk about it, the less people will whisper it and the less people will, will look at it as like a weakness or something to be ashamed of. I think that's the, that's the whole goal of bringing it to the community and being able to talk about it is that, the more we hide it, the more we shove it behind a closed door, then the more it just festers and that doesn't do anybody any good. yeah, I would just encourage people. I would just encourage people to get in touch with you, Jesse and in, Bring this stuff to light. There's nothing that, there's nothing that's so hard and traumatic that we can't that we can't talk about it. And there's nothing that's happened to people that we can't just go up and give them a little show of support. if you, if you see these people at the grocery store, just know that they don't, they don't, they're not going to be freaked out because you turn around. They're they're used to seeing that, but they would, they would also probably appreciate it. Hey, I'm sorry about what happened.

Jesse:

they would absolutely. Especially, when I was going through it early on, nobody really knew how to have, how to talk to me. They didn't understand my grief process or, why it was taking me the amount of time that it did. and still does, honestly, it's still an ongoing process. but I had to realize that. they don't know and they don't understand. And if we, if somebody wants to come up to me and say, I knew your dad, he was really great. And that's great. And people who want to talk to me about their experiences or the losses, I thank them for sharing their story because they're short, their story is important. It's why they are, why they're at the walk, why they're. even having a conversation with me about this. so it's important for that, for people to know that you appreciate them wanting to share in their vulnerability and in, in their experience. So good. Yeah,

Chris:

Yeah, we're all in this together, guys.

Jesse:

we are.

Sarah:

Amen. And I would say we just have to keep talking about it. I think that's the biggest thing and that's why we're doing what we're doing. And I did want to, first of all, is there anything else, Jesse, that you feel that we haven't covered about AFSP that you feel that our audience needs to know?

Jesse:

we do have, other than call us and, we are here as a resource, and suicide prevention. Yeah. It's real and it does work. people out there want to have the conversations and they want, they hear people saying things and sometimes they think it's just for attention, but it's, but give them that attention. Um, is. is a great organization doing a lot of great work. and we actually have a few other events coming up. we have International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. It's always a Saturday before American Thanksgiving. This year, it's on November 23rd. and in, Western PA, there are six places. Six sites happening. There's one in Pittsburgh, it's going to be in moon township. and then there's one in Erie, there's one in Evansburgh. So Cambria County, there's one in Butler and there's one in St. Mary's and there's one in Washington County as well. So these are events for law survivors to come together for a free, All day to have three, six to seven hour event where they can connect with other law survivors, have conversations, get some information and resources, and just prepare people for, whatever it is that they need to prepare for, especially leading into the holiday season. that's one of the big things that we have, going on in terms of AFSP events. and then, like I mentioned, the Lawrence County walk is this coming Saturday, but yeah.

Sarah:

And, as far as the walk goes, my husband and I attended the walk, Christine was sick, so she couldn't make it there, boo.

Chris:

I was sick!

Sarah:

whatever. But,

Jesse:

Excuses, excuses.

Sarah:

it was a great event for us to attend. I'm very thankful that we attended and I'm very thankful that my husband, attended it with me. And just for our listeners and to spread, you don't have to be directly affected by suicide to participate in these events. And I highly suggest participating in them. I even more so suggest taking people who. Might not always be that comfortable talking about it, trying to get them in front of this. because my husband is one who's not really like a mental health kind of guy, I don't know how to explain it. he wasn't very interested in the podcast. He's. that's just him. And, thankfully he came with me to the walk. He talked to Jackie and Ed, and I feel like that made a big difference in his understanding and maybe not even understanding, just even thinking about it. he had questions for me during the walk and things we saw, and he was encouraging me to go up and talk to people and tell them about the podcast when he had never even listened to it. and. After the walk, he listened to the podcast, so he's now caught up, he's now a listener. so just, it's just my way of saying that you never know who you're gonna touch by sharing stories and continuing to talk and it might not even be someone who, I don't know. It's just. Get to the walks, get to these things when you can. Again, you don't have to be directly affected by suicide to participate in these things. And, it was just a really eye opening event. And, I highly encourage people to get involved. So that's my spiel on the walks. so I thank you, Jesse, for putting on an awesome event and making a difference in my family's. So thank you for all that you do. we're very appreciative of that. Christine, is there anything else that you have to say?

Chris:

No, just thanks, Jessie. Yeah, let's keep talking. I think the more we talk, the better things get. And, yeah, just to, again, encourage people to get in touch with Jessie, let's get, let's get helpful hints on how we can have these conversations and do as many hands as we can.

Sarah:

For

Jesse:

Exactly.

Sarah:

I was just going to say in our show notes, of course, Christine, you're in charge of those, make sure that we put all of our links and all of that. So everybody knows where, to find all of this information that we've been talking about, of course. And I know Jesse, I will probably be in contact myself trying to help get, you guys more into our local community. I would love to be a part of that and help spread word around here and, get information into the hands of fellow parents.

Jesse:

that's great. That's all we're always trying to do. And I'm glad you had a good experience at the walk. it's, it means that it's incredible. it's also. Almost, I don't wanna, I don't wanna say humbling, but it's, it was a surprise from when I went to the walk the first time, before it happened to me, it was just some of this periphery situation where you hear about it on TV or things like that. And it's, but until it actually, when, when it happened to me, then you just. It's you almost see it everywhere. and you hear about it everywhere. You're more attuned to it. And then being at the walk and just being surrounded by so many people who have been impacted by it. And yes, it is sad, but we also know that there's a, there's strength in community that's what we need to focus on. we're all there walking towards a day where no one will die by suicide. And hopefully one day where the walks don't have to happen the way that they do. They can still be a place where we honor the ones we've lost, but we can also celebrate everyone who lived. that's what it is too, because people with lived experience do come down and they are there because not because they've had a loss, but because they've had their own struggles and it's a community of support for them as well. that's really important to know about the event and their supporters, so it's great. it's a great day. And it's one that we were really proud of to be able to provide to our community. So,

Sarah:

be for sure. All right. Christine, if you don't have anything else, then we can go ahead and, wrap up this episode of Bare Bones Banter with the Gaster Girls. I should have been like, I should have been, what is it?

Chris:

A game host?

Sarah:

yes, that's, I was going to say Bob Barker, but yes, that's exactly it. That's exactly

Jesse:

Barker, come on down.

Sarah:

Yeah, I think that should have been my job. I missed the boat. Damn it. all right, so we'll go ahead and wrap it up. Jesse, if you want to stay on the line, we'll go ahead and just stop recording and then we'll say our goodbyes.

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Christine Kanalis

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Sarah Leibhart

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